Boomerang
by Mrnickmiller
Summary: Set right after season five. There will be angst, I can't help myself.
1. Chapter 1

Jess gazed over the heads of her students and out of the window. There wasn't the slightest breeze in the air, every leaf on the trees was motionless as the sun bounced off them. She could smell it in the air, summer vacation was fast approaching. Although the current studious demeanour of her class would have suggested otherwise. Exams were over, freedom was just around the corner but still they sat and silently completed the random, inconsequential quiz Jess had found on the internet to pass the time. For a moment she worried her mood was rubbing off on them, she hadn't exactly been her usual, cheerful self lately and she didn't want that having an impact on her students. She was only two weeks away from the end of her probationary period at Banyon Canyon and she wasn't about to blow it.

She shook her head slightly, a chuckle dying on her lips. Students did not pay that much attention to their teachers, she was fine. Dropping her shoulders she let out a huge sigh and pressed the tips of her fingers into the middle of her chest, making a circular motion to try and ease the dull ache which had been sitting there for the past two weeks. She inhaled more fresh air from the open window and widened her ribcage enough to draw the attention from two snickering girls in the front row, but still the ache stubbornly remained. She was bored of the feeling now and frustrated as hell that she couldn't just shake it off.

The bell rang and the world around her became a sudden blur of colour and noise as the children dashed by her and out of the classroom door. Her own movement was glacial. She remained at her desk until the last small voice in the hallway had faded into nothing and resumed looking out of the window. She was in no rush to go home to an empty apartment so she lingered just a little longer, watching as each kid got on the school bus in a flurry of noise and laughter and longing for the day when her life had been that simple.

With a sigh that blew her bangs away from her forehead she eventually pushed away from her desk and collected her bag from the floor. She checked her phone as a matter of habit although the only texts she'd had in the past couple of days had been from her mother who'd felt compelled to call her every day after Jess has accidentally cried down the phone and blamed it on PMS. Apparently Joan knew better and had relentlessly tried to get to the bottom of it.

Jess had refrained from texting Cece or Schmidt, they were still away on their honeymoon and she didn't want to bother them. Her and Winston had been like ships in the night, meeting for fifteen minutes in the morning before she went to work and him to bed. Whenever he wasn't at work he was with Aly. Nick had been in New Orleans for two weeks. He'd called her twice, once at her request to let her know he had arrived safely and another time to see how she was handling her breakup with Sam. Both calls had been brief. Jess' worry that she would give herself away had left her uncharacteristically monosyllabic which hadn't made for the most enthralling of phone conversations. Luckily Nick had taken the hint and settled for sending her a few funny pictures of local animals in funny outfits instead and a message with **THANK YOU** in big bold letters. It was a sentiment shared by Reagan who had sent her the same message an hour later. It made Jess mad that she couldn't hate Reagan, it made her mad she was a nice person, if she wasn't Nick wouldn't be spending his summer with her. The most Jess had been able to muster in reply was a simple. " _You're welcome._ " But she wasn't welcome at all. She wasn't welcome to just take the man Jess had come to realise she was still deeply in love with. But there wasn't much to be done about it.

Jess groaned and fought the urge to stamp her foot like a child. She had promised herself she would stop thinking about him, that she would accept he was with Reagan and move on, but every minute she found her mind wandering back to him. Dammit she had suppressed her feelings for two years, she could do it again! She just needed that tenaciousness back, or blind ignorance, whatever it was that had made the pain go away. She needed to do something, she needed to keep herself busy to stop thinking about him, about _them_ , about what they were doing, about how fast they were falling in love, or how much they were making love, or how it compared to when he was with her. She squeezed her eyes shut as her stomach turned. It was a slow form of torture and it was going to kill her, she was sure of it. Slamming her hand down on her purse, she pushed her chair back vigorously with a loud scrape on the floor and headed home.

* * *

The loft was silent yet again except for distant traffic and the hum of electricity from the sparsely stocked fridge. She had told herself she would make the most of the time alone, she would read, knit, listen to music and figure out her life. But the last two weeks had been night after night of collapsing on the sofa with a romantic comedy and an early night just to get to the next day a little faster in the hope that, in the morning, the aching might be just a little less. It never was. If anything it was getting worse.

She had masterfully hidden her melancholy from Winston, or perhaps she hadn't been so masterful and he was just too distracted with Aly to notice any change in her mood. Part of her wanted to talk to him, to get his advice. Sometimes, underneath all the puzzles and cat hair, Winston could be pretty wise. But if she told him then it was really real. Cece had been her best friend since they were kids, confiding in Cece was like writing in a padlocked journal, Jess knew it was safely tucked away and it wouldn't go anywhere. Not even to Schmidt, not this time. But if winston knew it would be a matter of time before Schmidt found out and then it would surely get back to Nick and she would be humiliated, their friendship would be ruined.

No, she had to keep this to herself. She had to keep quiet until the feeling was gone. There was no other alternative. Nick wasn't in the same place as her and that was that. She was sitting on the couch being all in love with her best friend while he was drinking Daiquiris with his beautiful new girlfriend on the other side of the country. For the fourth night in a row she changed out of her work clothes and shuffled straight into her pyjamas. She knew this wasn't conducive to her emotional state but a little wallowing felt justified. Walking out of her room she couldn't help but glance through the open door of his bedroom, it was right there, it was unavoidable. It was eerily tidy, his bed made and the clothes that were usually strewn on his floor had been hastily packed into a suitcase the night he left after the wedding. A pair of earings sat on his nightstand which Reagan had left behind and she swallowed down a thick lump of emotion as they sparkled in the light which shone through his window.

It was hard to believe she wasn't going to see him for another two and a half months. She could never have comprehended the void he was going to leave in her life. It was only now she realised just how much she turned to Nick, just how much his presence made her feel safe. How had it taken her so long to realise it? Feeling like she had outstayed her welcome in a room she had once called ' _theirs',_ she headed into the kitchen. Contemplating a glass of wine, she swung the fridge door open and leaned tiredly on the frame. But its usual allure seemed as absent as her happy spirit and she decided against it, resorting instead for tea and cookies.

In spite of the warmth from the hot L.A. sun which had been beaming into their south facing loft all day, she lit some scented candles to create an air of cosiness and flopped back on the couch. She figured feeling cosy was the next best thing to a hug when there was nobody around to actually give her one. Flicking through the TV channels she opted for some mundane trash that wouldn't absorb too much brain power or heighten her emotional state in any way. Inanely pressing buttons on her phone, she glanced at nothing in particular, there were no more message, no more calls. After glancing through a few knitting patterns and cake recipes, she idly scrolled through her Facebook page.

What had once been a stream of pictures from crazy nights out in the hottest bars and pictures of people with their heads in the toilet the next day was now babies sitting on blankets in the park, pictures of superhero birthday cakes and homemade plates of food, the perfect projections of domesticity from girl she remembered doing body shots off of bar young tenders. She wasn't even friends with most of them, the photos of their lives were just there to taunt her and remind her what she didn't have.

The only people's lives she was actually interested in hearing about were the people she saw everyday. Her actual friends. But all Cece had managed was a status update of a love heart emoji and a photo of a palm tree. Schmidt's picture of the sea lapping over the sane wasn't much of an advance on that. Winston last update was from a year ago. He'd ditched it when he joined the force, she still wasn't sure if that was a rule or not. Nick, well Nick believed someone would steal his identity to order themselves a Russian bride or something to that effect so he had deleted his page approximately eight minutes after Schmidt set it up. She set her phone to one side with a sigh but then something dawned her. She knew it wasn't sensible but the compulsion was strong.

Reagan's page.

She knew she didn't really want to look, it would just be asking a question that she really didn't want the answer to but the masochist in her found herself searching for Reagan's name. It didn't take long to find her, her photograph was predictably eye-catching. Jess' thumb hovered over Reagan's name. _No good could come of this_. She thought. _In no way, in no universe was this going to make her feel better in any way or give her any kind of catharsis. This was nothing but torture, cold hard torture._

She clicked.

There were a few articles Reagan had posted on the latest asthmas drugs, Jess nodded, that was to be expected. A couple of responses to inquisitive friends who wondered when Reagan might be back in their part of the country. _'Soon I hope'_ Jess thought to herself and then immediately felt guilty.

Then there it was, the thing she didn't want to see. Reagan's outstretched arms angling the camera at her smiling eyes and sparkling teeth while Nick kisses her cheek. His eyes closed, his hand tangled in the back of her hair and the corners of his mouth turned up in an undeniable smile.

She felt her stomach drop further than it had before. He looked so lost in her. He looked so happy. She could feel the violent sting of tears burning behind her eyes but she didn't look away. She analysed his face looking for some small sign that something was wrong, that it wasn't going well, that life with Reagan wasn't what he'd hoped. But that didn't happen. The more she stared the happier he looked. It was all she'd ever wanted for him, that he be truly happy but she'd be lying if part of her hadn't prayed he would come rushing back through the door saying it was all a mistake.

The image suddenly blurred as a tear fell on to the screen, a tear she had been holding back all day. She hated crying, she was so tired of it, it was exhausting. But crying was the only way to ease the anger she felt at not figuring out her feelings before it was too late. Finally she pressed the button on her phone hard and sent the picture back it to the ether, but it was already seared on to her brain. Peeling off her glasses she swiped her pyjama sleeve across her eyes and sniffed. She really needed Cece.

* * *

Nick splayed his toes wide, letting each joint satisfyingly crack. Noticing his feet were a little grubby he threw a t-shirt underneath them so he wouldn't get any marks on the crisp white bedsheets, the kind of crisp white you only ever got in a hotel. He and Reagan weren't at the point of comfort yet where she could be exposed to his inexplicably dirty feet. He massaged the dull ache in his thighs from all the walking he had done around the city, he couldn't remember the last time he had exerted himself enough to cause physical discomfort. Then again there had been a lot of ' _exerting'_ with Reagan over the last two weeks. Nick smiled to himself and glanced at the clock to see how long it would be until she came home.

The first few days has been like a vacation, it was all food, cocktails, sightseeing and sex. But then Reagan had eventually had to go back to work, that was why they were in New Orleans after all. Not that Nick was complaining, he couldn't remember the last time he'd taken any time off from the bar, he never took time off work. But he figured, being the boss and all, he might as well take advantage. So he'd pooled all his vacation days together, and left the bar in the capable hands of Big Bob, to be overseen by Schmidt of course once he returned from his honeymoon. Schmidt had jumped at the chance to play a more 'hands on' boss. Nick didn't have the heart to tell him the staff would probably eat him alive. Nick kind of missed the bar and the loft and all his creature comforts but the change of scenery was doing him good. It gave him a weird sense of pride that he had actually gotten off the sofa and done something for once in his life and Reagan had been a more than adequate temptation.

He couldn't truly believe he was just living it up in New Orleans like it was nothing, like it was something he just did because he was _that_ guy, he was _that_ cool. And all of this with a girl who was insanely hot, but when all was said and done, he hardly knew. It was so unlike him, in fact it was so far removed from his character it scared him a little, but in a good way.

Getting up from the bed he began to make himself a cup of coffee in the teeny tiny machine that he'd found the time to marvel at every day since they'd arrived. As he listened to the steaming gurgle he gazed out the window at the colourful, bustling street below and he let out a subconscious chuckle. He felt like he was finally going to have a story to tell. In those conversations with old acquaintances that usually had him clawing at the exit, he'd be like... _oh yeah one time I moved to New Orleans for 3 months with a hot girl I hardly knew..._ that's what he'd slip into conversation casually and people would know that he was a guy who did stuff. He wasn't the guy on the beach holding the wallets anymore.

Jess had spent years convincing him he could do it and now he could prove her right. He smiled at the thought of her, he missed her, he was only here because of her and he would never be able to thank her enough for that. He hoped she was proud of him, he hoped she could see that there was a little more to him now than the hopeless guy she broke up with two years ago. He so badly wanted her to see more. He wanted Reagan to see it too. He wanted her to find him fun and exciting, he wanted her to know that he was along for the ride wherever that ride was going to go, he didn't even care where they were headed. Reagan was outgoing and vivacious and he was desperate for her to believe that he was a good match for her, that he could be all the things she wanted him to be. As he stirred his coffee, images from the last two weeks floated through his mind and he beamed from ear to ear. But the freshly made coffee was ditched as he heard a key rattling in the lock.

Beating her to the punch and flinging the door open wide he dragged his eyes keenly up her body until they landed on a smile as wide as his. He closed the gap between them, moving his arm over her shoulder to close the door with his fingertips. Sliding her bag gently from her shoulder he dropped it to the ground and enveloped her in his arms to kiss on to her lips how much he had missed her that day.

"Well hi." She said seductively as she traced her fingers over his soft scruff. "I'm really getting used to this kind of welcome home"

"Yeah?" He kissed her again.

"Yeah, I like it."

"Well, I like you." He smiled against her lips and slipped her jacket over her shoulders as she stepped out of her heels.

This was pretty much how their day went. Wake up, make love, Nick would wait for Reagan to home, a little more sex, dinner and a couple of drinks in the evening, rounded off with some more late night passion. They almost had sex more than they talked, but it was a new relationship so Nick figured that was just fine and it wasn't like he could keep his hands off her even if he tried. When they did talk Nick was still in the process of trying to overcome his nervous mumbling, sure it made her laugh, but sooner or later it was going to have to progress into a complete, adult conversation. They had another two and a half months together and there was still so much to learn about each other. They were going to have to work on that he thought to himself as he popped open the buttons on her shirt while she kissed his neck.

They hadn't discussed what was going to come next, it was too soon for that. Reagan already knew her next post was in San Francisco and he pondered the workability of it as he moved his hands over her ass and walked her back to the bed. He'd never been a fan of long-distance relationships in the past but he was willing to rethink it, he had a car, he was making better money now to be able to travel here and there and Schmidt had done a great job teaching him of the wonders of technological communication so he could keep in better touch with his Mom. Bending his elbows he lowered himself over her and kissed her, feeling her legs circle around his waist and her fingers make light work of his zipper. Yeah he was an adult now, he could make sacrifices, he could make grown up moves, he conceded as he pulled down the front of her bra and kissed his way down her chest. He was ready for this, he concluded as lost himself in her for the second time that day.

Reagan had a habit of waking up in the night, one of the many things he was learning about her. He could usually sleep through anything but he would find himself awake at around three a.m. as Reagan disappeared into the bathroom or into the hallway to work out the restlessness in her legs. Glancing sleepily to his side he could see the shadows of her feet under the doorway pacing up and down. He closed his eyes again but he knew he wouldn't fall asleep until she came back in so he plucked his phone from the nightstand to check his messages.

Three voicemails from his Mom who he really needed to respond to in the morning before she called out a search party. She had that stern tone where she used his full name. Even as a man in his thirties it made him wince. There were a couple of photos from Cece of Schmidt buried in the sand while taking a nap which made him chuckle, nothing from Jess though.

He felt bad she was pretty much on her own in the loft, he knew how hard she had taken her breakup with Sam, she had looked so sad when he left. He found himself texting her, he knew she wouldn't reply, she would be sound asleep with her phone on silent but what the hell. She'd get it in the morning and maybe, just maybe it would cheer her up. If he could at least help her start her day with a smile then he'd be happy. He thought of the silliest most random thing he could think of and began to type, making himself laugh in the process. Content it would be enough to lighten her mood over breakfast he pressed send and set the phone back on the nightstand, rolling over and trying once again to close his eyes. To his surprise his phone beeped.

Squinting his eyes a few times he adjusted to the light of the phone and saw a message from Jess. With a pre-emptive smile he opened it.

 _Jess: You're an idiot :)_

He began to type.

 _Nick: It made you smile though right?_

 _Jess: Yeah you got me._

 _Nick: How come you're up so late?_

 _Jess: Can't sleep. Thinking too much about stuff_

 _Nick: What stuff?_

 _Jess: Just stuff, I don't want to bore you. How come you're awake? Actually, scratch that, I don't think I want to know._

 _Nick: You've got a dirty mind day. I'm just awake. Thought I'd send you something inappropriate to make you laugh._

 _Jess: You're a dummy Miller :)_

 _Nick: Yeah you miss me though right?_

Nothing

 _Nick: Right?..._

Nothing

 _Nick: Oh thanks a lot Day! I guess you're asleep. Goodnight honey._

Jess sat on her bed with her knees hugged up to her chest as she gripped her phone tightly. He had no idea.


	2. Chapter 2

Jess jumped on to her tip toes to lean over the bar, resting on the small ledge to give herself some height and little more stature alongside the women next to her who had their breasts spilling over the bar getting them served instantly. She clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth in annoyance but the music was too loud for it to have any effect on the bar tenders. She had picked a busy part of town, especially for a Friday night but she needed a change of scenery. The Griffin had been out of bounds for the last few weeks. Partly because she hadn't felt like going out lately but mostly because the place just didn't feel the same, not without Nick and Cece. Strange how somewhere so comforting could become so depressing when you're there alone. So she had picked somewhere completely different, completely new, but as she watched the twentysomething bartender take more interest in his own reflection in the beer taps, she was regretting her decision. Giving a smile and a tip that he didn't really deserve she collected two glasses of champagne from the bar and began the mammoth task of making her way back through the thick crowd of people.

She swayed her hips from side to side dodging the people around her, taking the occasional sip from both glasses to avoid spilling alcohol down some of the very expensive suits around her. Finally she caught sight of the table. One perk about being a teacher, finishing a little earlier than most others meant first dibs on all the best seats in the bars. She wasn't much for standing all night now that she was in her thirties. She smiled as she saw a swish of long brown hair and the scent of a familiar perfume filled her nose. Mumbling a few more apologies she pushed her way through the last few people and lunged forward to set the glasses down on the table. But before she withdrew her arms she circled them round warm, comforting shoulders.

"I missed you so much Ceec."

Cece smiled and rested her hands over Jess' arms, unable to turn around because of her best friend's tight grip. She chuckled as the hug got tighter. "I missed you too Jess."

When she had taken enough hug time to make up for the last two weeks Jess released Cece from her grasp and slid into the seat opposite, unable to hide her sheer glee that her best friend was back. Cece could see the relief in Jess' face, she almost felt guilty she had been away so long. She knew she had left Jess in a particularly vulnerable state. Had the circumstances been any different Cece would have insisted Jess come on vacation with them, she almost did when she had seen the heartbreak in her face. Cece had been there, she knew all too well how it felt and she didn't envy it one little bit. She had tried to call her a couple of times but Jess had refused to answer, instead all she got was a text message insisting Jess was fine and demanding that she go and enjoy her honeymoon. Jess was selfless to a fault and it was one of the many reasons she loved her, but Cece knew she had some hardcore best-friending to do now that she was back. Jess had been so amazing leading up to the wedding and now it was Cece's chance to return the favour.

So far it was hard to tell that anything was wrong. Jess had seemed elated when she collected her and Schmidt from LAX and excited at the prospect of a little girl time at the bar to catch up. She had spent the last couple of hours prodding and poking Cece for every last detail about her honeymoon, delighting in the smallest anecdotes. It was Jess just being Jess. To all intents and purposes she was fine.

Except that she wasn't.

Cece had known Jess long enough to pick up on the smallest giveaway signs. The red tinge in the corners of her eyes from crying which she had tried to hide behind her glasses. Jess rarely wore her glasses for a night out. Jess was always chatty but she was firing question after question at Cece in quick succession, giving her no opportunity to change the topic of conversation and there was the almost imperceptible but very much there flinch every time Nick's name came up. Cece took a long gulp of her drink, staring at Jess down the nose of her glass and weighing up the sensitivity of her next sentence in her head. As Jess did the same Cece took advantage of the brief silence.

"Ok...I think you now officially know every detail of our honeymoon right down to what we ate for breakfast...so...are we gonna talk about it?"

Jess' shoulders immediately tensed and her hands tightened around the stem of her glass. "I'm not sure there's anything to talk about really. I mean nothing has changed."

"Have you talked to him?"

"A few times, not for very long, he was always pretty busy."

"Yeah I got that."

Cece rested her hand over Jess' who gave it a light squeeze.

"Cece you didn't..."

"No! I didn't tell Schmidt, I promise. I love my husband more than anything in the world but I know that telling him is as good as walking right up to Nick and telling him myself. When this all comes out he'll understand."

Jess confusedly shook her head "When this all comes out?"

"Well, yeah, I mean you're going to tell Nick eventually right?"

"No, I'm not."

"Jess you have to, I mean how are you going to keep this from him?"

"I can't tell him Cece, too much has changed, he's not in the same place, it would ruin our friendship."

"How do you know he's not in the same place if you don't talk to him?"

"Cece he's spending his summer with another woman, I think it's safe to say he's not in the same place. Hell I didn't even know I was in that place until three weeks ago."

"Jess he knows you too well, he'll figure out that something is up."

"No he won't because I'm going to get over this. I am...and then there will being nothing for him to figure out."

"Come on Jess, you know it doesn't work like that."

Jess dropped her hands on the table in defeat, her voice small and beaten. "What choice do I have Cece?"

Cece opened her mouth to answer but the solution that Jess' eyes were pleading for was nowhere to be found.

* * *

Nick stared at Regan's perfectly manicured hand as it played with his across the dinner table, her fingers intertwining with his and scraping playfully against his skin. For such a ball buster he was always surprised by her light touch. There was a light sheen of sweat on their skin, the hot dewy weather was making the air thicker by the day. Usually he'd find it suffocating but when she told him it reminded her of the night they first kissed he didn't mind it so much, in fact he thought it made them both look pretty sexy under the candlelight. With his darkening tan and his growing scruff he figured it gave him that well travelled look that he had always envied. The kind where you could wear a linen shirt unbuttoned to your navel and people would still think you were cool. He could probably pull off a few beads if he wanted to, maybe even a bandana. Maybe not.

Nick looked at his watch, or rather underneath it at the paler skin on his wrist that the sun hadn't seen. Just like his watch it was a marker of time, of the month that had passed since he left L.A. Although it had felt like longer. He was starting to find his way around the city without using the GPS on his phone so that had to count for something. His knowledge of local geography wasn't the only thing that had progressed. The girl sitting opposite him, the girl who had once found him strange and awkward now referred to him as ' _Babe',_ she shared her food with him and drank from his beer bottle, she stroked his hair and held his hand across the dinner table. A girl who had once been reluctant to even call him her friend, he was now pretty sure had just referred to herself as his girlfriend.

As she shovelled food in her mouth with one hand she squeezed his with the other and gave it a hard shake. "Quit staring at me." She smiled through a mouthful of her burger.

"You just said you were my girlfriend." He beamed.

"I did not." She smirked, letting go of his hand and pretending to pout.

"You did too." He folded his arms smugly.

Reagan sighed at his teasing and dabbed the corners of her mouth with a napkin. Licking her teeth, she stifled a smile and leaned back in her chair to stare at him, cocking her head quizzically.

"Does it bother you?"

Nick bit a huge smile into his mouth and shook his head. "Nope. Nuh uh. It doesn't bother me." Nick continued to stare at her with a wide smile until she started to squirm under his scrutiny.

"Oh come on give me a break, I don't do this very often." She protested with giggle and gave him a playful kick under the table. "You have to say it too, otherwise this is just too awkward."

"Say what?" Nick teased and filled his face with a mouthful of pasta.

"Don't be a dick!" She squealed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Reagan."

"Nick! You ass!" She raised herself out of her seat and moved to give him a dead arm but he caught her hand and chuckled mischievously.

"Ok, ok. You know it's not considered polite to punch your boyfriend." She stilled under his touch and smiled widely at him. Releasing her hand and lacing his fingers back through hers he stroked his thumb tenderly over the back of her knuckles placing a light kiss on them. "There...happy?"

"Yeah." She smiled. "I'm happy."

They enjoyed a few moments of silence together as they contemplated the gravity of their conversation. It didn't end there, there was more to the discussion and they both knew that. Further questions would be raised in two months when they had to leave New Orleans and go their separate ways. Their pending separation was a complicated obstacle which had now grown all the more complicated with the fact they had just declared themselves in an exclusive relationship. But right now they were both doing their best to ignore that and bask in the moment because that's how this worked, taking it moment by moment

So instead of indulging all the questions swirling in his head, he reached into his pocket and grabbed a couple of twenty dollar bills, dropping them on the table in way that made him feel confident in front of her, in a way he had never been able to before without then having to live off potato chips for the rest of the week. Standing up, he held out his hand and she reached for it. He was slowly starting to feel like her equal, like he was good enough. Now she was his girlfriend, that unattainable ideal in his head was transpiring, day by day it was becoming more of a reality.

* * *

Jess and Cece made their way back to the loft at around midnight with only mildly fuzzy heads. Jess felt like a weight had been lifted, confiding in the only person who knew about her feelings. It was a small weight but it was a start. She had needed Cece more than she knew. There was nothing her best friend could do, she was painfully aware of that but just talking had helped. Hell just having people and noise back in the loft had helped. Even if one of those people was lying sprawled on the sofa donning a new kimono and rubbing aftersun into his pasty legs. She smiled at Schmidt affectionately as she toed her shoes off in the hallway, she had missed his goofy face. Jess watched with the tiniest pang of envy as Cece gave her new husband a kiss before retreating to their bedroom to change into her pyjamas.

Jess sidled up next to Schmidt and giggled as he lifted his legs and dropped them into her lap. Jess ran her hands up his shin in confusion.

"My god did these things even see the sun Schmidt?"

"Hey! Yes they did, my sixty dollar sunscreen just turned out to be a little too effective."

Jess laughed and lowered herself down in the seat, resting her head on his shoulder. "I missed you Schmidt."

He smiled and placed a quick kiss on her crown. "I missed you too. How has my favourite Jess been?"

"I'm ok."

He lifted his shoulder and gently nudged her head where it lay. "You sure?"

"Yeah, it's just been a little quiet...you know me, I like having people around."

"Well I have a few choice words for Winston Bishop for leaving you alone after a breakup. He should know better, god knows he's been through enough of them."

Jess chuckled. "It's not his fault he was working nights , besides he's all loved up, you can't blame him. I just missed you guys that's all, I just missed...everything."

Schmidt paused. "It's weird not having Nick around isn't it?"

Jess lifted her head suddenly and squirmed, unsure how to respond even though she knew it was an innocent question. "Yeah I guess, I mean it's only been a few weeks."

"Yeah but I can't remember the last time he left for even a few days other than to go see his mother and even then it was under duress at leaving the couch."

Jess glanced at Nick's dent in the couch cushion and smiled forlornly. "He's not that bad." She spoke softly as her mind began to wander back to him once again. "He just needed a little push, he always had it in him."

"He said you gave him that push."

Jess could feel the sting of tears behind her eyes but she blinked repeatedly to keep them at bay. "He's my friend." She coughed the lump out of her throat. "That's just what friends do."

Schmidt hugged her back to him again. "Well you're a good friend." Kissing her forehead he released her and began to move away but her arms circled round his waist and she buried her head in his shoulder. He loosened his grip but still Jess held on to him tightly. He began to chuckle at her silliness but the longer she held on tight the more confused he got. With a furrowed brow and a careful touch all he could do was hold her back.


	3. Five's Company

Jess ran a sponge over the suspicious looking brown stain on the windowsill and with a little elbow grease it slowly started to vanish. Swiping her sleeve across her perspiring forehead she blew out a tired breath. The piles of fresh laundry on the bed were emanating the kind of freshness that made her want lay down in it and take a nap but she refrained. The sun beating through the window was giving everything that extra sparkle which was immensely satisfying considering her efforts. The intense heat of the summer was starting to fade so it made it a lot easier for her to get stuck in without needing an iced beverage every ten minutes. Keeping momentum always made her feel like she was doing a better job, snacks and drinks were the reward after the chores were done. Turning around to unravel the cord from the vacuum she spotted Cece in the doorway and jolted upright with a guilty bite of the lip. Cece stood with her arms folded, staring with her eyebrows raised in question, she might as well have been tapping her foot to really set that scolding mother image in stone.

"Jess what are you doing?"

"Nothing...it's nothing."

"You've been in here for two hours."

Jess shrugged and lowered her gaze. "I just thought it would be nice for him to come home to a clean bedroom. I mean it hasn't been touched in three months."

"Jess, honey..."

"I know, I know" Jess buried her face in her hands and dropped on to Nick's bed where Cece joined her. "I'm just nervous and I didn't know what else to do to get rid of this feeling. I've baked enough cupcakes to feed my entire school and I picked up so much beer from the store I almost threw out my back carrying it upstairs. I don't know what I'm doing."

"You need to relax Jess or he's gonna know something is up the second her walks through that door."

"I know, you're right. I just thought if I kept busy I wouldn't have time to think about everything and then it wouldn't get weird."

"Jess look around you, this _is_ weird, you're cleaning his room. Plus Schmidt is going to be really mad you took this away from him."

Jess half giggled. "Ok, let me just put this laundry away and then I'm done."

Cece grabbed her hand. "Leave the laundry Jess."

"But..."

"Leave it. Come on, let's go." Cece placed her hand on the small of Jess' back and gently ushered her out of the room.

Jess had been a little manic the past few days, she could feel herself doing it but didn't know how to stop. Ever since Nick had announced he was returning that Friday night she had been on edge to say the least. He was returning without Reagan so that was a small saving grace but Jess knew their relationship was still going strong so the comfort was somewhat limited. Nick had left the night of the wedding so she'd had three months to perfect her _"I'm not in love with you"_ performance, still she wasn't quite sure she had nailed it yet and it was almost showtime. Cece's reaction would have suggested she needed one last rehearsal. She was terrified she was going to say too much or too little, or sit in a way she didn't normally sit, chew in a way she didn't normally chew, or hell even just blurt it out in his face the second he walked through the door. Her emotions had been all over the place the last couple of months and that was with Nick safely on the other side of the country, god knows what seeing him was going to do to her.

She just wanted to be excited, just plain old excited to see her best friend but she was nervous as hell and it has been gnawing at her insides for the last few days. If she started being weird she would just have to blame it on work, or Sam, she was pretty there was a little more mileage left in that one. Family stuff was an option, but that only worked on acquaintances, Nick knew her too well and he would expect her to tell him if she had a family problem. Women's troubles, that was vague enough to keep him quiet for a while, but she would only be able to use that for so long. All her excuses would have a shelf life and sooner or later she would have to tell him the reason why she was acting so strangely around him.

* * *

Nick was on time for his flight, that was a first. If Reagan dumped him tomorrow and there was one valuable thing he would take from their relationship it was airport punctuality. The airport was full of people wearing the exact same expression as him and Reagan, that end of summer look before you have to go back to school. There was a distinct sense of melancholy in the air. The cab ride had been silent, in fact they had barely spoken since they woke up that morning. They had already agreed to keep seeing each other, that wasn't the problem. Their relationship was going to change and neither of them were sure what it was going to change into. They had been living in each other's pockets for the last three months and Nick was now confident he could take any written exam on Reagan's life and pass it with flying colours. They had even got into their first official fight a few nights ago which put them in brand new relationship territory already. But they had established a familiarity, a routine and so far they had made it work pretty well. But now all the cocktails and sunshine were going to disappear and everything he had come to know about their relationship was going to be different. For the next couple of weeks she was going to be nothing but a face on a glass screen.

Reagan squeezed his hand as they left their half eaten breakfasts and headed for the security line. Luckily it was long so it would give them a little more time together. As they paced slowly behind the young family in front she rested her head on his shoulder and gripped on to his arm. Nick placed a kiss on the crown of her head as contemplated his sadness at leaving her and small niggle of excitement he was starting to feel at seeing his friends. He had loved every second of his summer with Reagan but visions of his old life had started to creep into his head over the past few days. A small part of him craved normality again, a normality that Reagan would now be part of so long as he could keep her happy.

As they browsed the shops for Reagan's new headphones and Nick's snacks for the plane, the imposing clock that hung in the centre of the departure lounge ticked away until the moment was upon them. Soon they were announcing the final call for Reagan's flight to San Francisco. Reagan didn't cry, he knew she wouldn't, she wasn't that kind of person, but her hug was just that little bit tighter so he knew she was going to miss him. Cupping her face in his hands his kissed her a little more than was appropriate for a well-lit airport lounge full of children but he didn't care.

"This feels weird." Reagan said as her mouth left his.

"I know, I can't believe I'm not gonna see you tomorrow"

"It's only gonna be a couple of weeks, it'll go real quick."

"I know, but it's back to normal until then I guess."

"What and this isn't normal." She chuckled, rearing back her head and raising her eyebrows at him.

"No, I mean...you know what I mean."

"I know, I'm teasing." She pecked his lips again. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

"Call me when you land ok."

"I will."

"Nick this has been..." She bit her lip and smiled. "...it's been really great."

Nick nodded and smiled as her hand slipped out of his. "I know."

"Sayonara Sammy" She laughed teasingly.

"See ya." He giggled.

He remained where he stood and watched her as she disappeared into the stream of people heading down the jetway. He saw one last flash of her smile and then she was gone, out of sight and out of reach for the first time in three months. He felt a heaviness in his stomach even though he knew it was completely unwarranted. He would see her again in no time. Until then he was going to be back in the loft with his friends who he had missed immensely, even the thought of them brought a much needed smile to his face. Smacking his boarding pass across his palm he stared at the glowing letters of Los Angeles on the departure board and headed for his gate.

* * *

"Is he back yet?! Is he back?!" Schmidt yelled as he blustered through the door to the loft startling Jess and Cece who were sharing a bottle of wine on the couch.

Cece's eyes widened as she held her hand to her chest in exaggerated shock. "No you huge weirdo." She said through gritted teeth. "He doesn't get in until nine you know that, he sent you his itinerary like you asked him to."

Schmidt pouted and shrugged. "I know I just thought he might want to surprise his best friend by coming home a little early that's all. He is my best man."

" _Was_ Schmidt" Cece rolled her eyes. "You can't use those names anymore it's just strange."

"Can too." He mumbled petulantly before flopping down next to them in a sulk. "Well did he at least make the flight? You know he has a terrible track record for these things."

"Relax Schmidt I'm sure he made the flight" Said Jess almost mockingly, when she herself was far from calm. Just the thought of him alone and on his way back to L.A. made her take another huge gulp from her wine glass. Cece had managed to keep her glued to the couch for the last couple of hours and had already plied her with two glasses of wine. A mild form of sedation for a flight risk Jess was sure. She had no intention of running away from Nick, that wouldn't solve anything, but that didn't make his pending return any easier. She could feel the nerves squirming around in her belly like electric worms as she fidgeted relentlessly to the point where Cece had to keep placing her hand on her knee to calm her like some sort of hypnotist. Jess had to agree with the ever-dramatic Schmidt, an earlier appearance would have been nice so she could just get it over with, face him and then begin the slow and painful process of moving on. She looked at her watch for the millionth time, she was way past even noticing the time, it had just become a nervous tick.

She had ordered pizzas and there was plentiful beer on ice. She wanted to believe she would have done all this stuff anyway as his friend but there was no way of knowing any more. Winston and Aly appeared an hour later after their shifts had ended and promptly joined in the buzz of excitement that their loft was finally going to be reunited. Winston had been extra tentative to Jess since Schmidt has scolded him upon his return from the honeymoon. But, under the illusion that she was still depressed about Sam, Winston's idea of affection had centred around trying to set her up with various, what he considered to be eligible, bachelors. Tonight was no different. Jess bit her lips into her mouth and tried not to let out a sigh she was holding as Winston flipped through various pictures on his phone of some guy's Facebook page. From the uniform she took him to be a guy from work although Winston only seemed interested in telling her about the guy's pet hamster Wiggles. Jess tried to smile but she caught Aly looking at her out the corner of her eye. Aly winked and silently mouthed across the room to her. _"Are you ok?"_ It seemed Jess' act wasn't going as well as she'd hoped so she smiled widely and nodded, taking Winston's phone from him to try and show a little more interest in a guy she knew would never be more than a photograph on a small screen.

* * *

As Nick shovelled the last handful of M&Ms into his mouth he saw the seatbelt sign go on above him. The flight had gone faster than he thought, all those episodes of The Simpsons had helped to pass the time. Leaning to his right he looked at all the lights below him and smiled. He missed Reagan but he couldn't help the excitement he felt at being home. He had no idea exactly what he was looking down at but each light had a familiar warmth to it. The plane landed seamlessly and everyone filtered out with ease. Nick even found the time to help an old lady with her bag. As he crossed the tarmac he sucked the air into his lungs. Underneath all the jet fuel he could smell L.A. He could smell home.

He felt vibration after vibration in his pocket as his phone found a signal and suddenly came back to life. As his friend's names popped up on the screen, Schmidt's more than the others, they all felt closer than ever. Seeing a text from Reagan he dutifully called her back just like he promised and their conversation carried him the whole cab ride home. She was safely back at her hotel, he wasn't sure how she did it, staying in hotels all the time. The summer had been fun but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about his own bed and sitting in his groove on the couch with a cold beer on more than one occasion. Her voice made him miss her but he didn't feel sad, partly because he'd had such an amazing summer and there was nothing to be sad about, and partly because their distance all felt so temporary. For now anyway. Wishing her goodnight he hung up the phone and focussed his eyes back on the L.A. streets whizzing by him.

As the cab got close to the loft he was pleased to see The Griffin was still standing and hadn't been burned to the ground. He'd been checking in with Big Bob and Schmidt almost daily but it was still nice to see it with his own eyes. He was surprised by how eager he was to get back to work. He'd felt like a kept man for the last three months and he was keen to get himself busy in the bar again, not to mention the fact he had some serious topping up of his bank balance to do after a summer of frivolity. But as eager as he was to check on the bar he was more eager to get home and see his friends.

* * *

Jess sighed, beginning to get mildly exasperated with Winston and his policeman friend Duncan, who Winston seemed intent on pairing her off with. She understood that he was all loved up and that was amazing and she appreciated the sentiment that Winston just wanted everyone to be as happy as he was but his failure to pick up on her lack of interest was becoming exhausting. Winston continued to plough through picture after picture, thrusting them in Jess' direction in the hopes she would see something she hadn't see in the fifty pictures before. Reaching her limit she placed one hand over the screen and one over Winston's mouth making Aly erupt into giggles.

"Winston for the love of god stop." Jess pleaded.

Winston pouted in confusion and glanced sorrowfully at his phone. "What's wrong with him Jess?"

"There's nothing wrong with him, I'm sure he's lovely he's just not my type."

"He could be your type if you give him a chance."

"Winston."

"I just want you to be happy Jess."

"I know and I love you for it but right now let's just enjoy the night together ok?"

Winston nodded but Jess could see that her words weren't quite sinking in.

"Just one drink."

"Winston!" Jess ran her hands down her face pulling the skin down harshly.

"Just leave it Winnie." Aly weighed in, seeing a distinct discomfort in Jess' face.

"But it's just one drink Jess."

"But I don't want that right now...I just want..."

"What?"

"I don't know I just want...Nick!"

"What?!" Winston's eyes widened in shock.

There was a pause as Jess' eyes fixed on the open doorway. "Nick." She said again rising out of her seat and staring hard.

Nick smiled and dropped his bag to the ground with a thud. "Hi guys."

* * *

Jess hung back as she watched Schmidt throw himself at Nick and the other guys follow one by one. He looked good, all tanned and healthy, New Orleans had obviously agreed with him. She stood with her calves pressed against the front of the couch, afraid to leave it altogether in case she felt into a black abyss. His eyes were smiling with each hug and kiss on the cheek, god she had missed him so much. She felt a hole in her heart seal up just having him back in the same air space. She could see that he had stories to tell, she could see them written all over his face and she wanted to know everything and yet at the same time she wanted to know nothing. Nothing at all. That way she could just pretend he'd been back in Chicago for three months with his mother and not have to hear how much he'd fallen in love with Reagan. She watched him trying to catch her eye as Schmidt hounded him and Winston tried to press a bottle of beer into his hand. Still she stood in the same spot, painfully aware that there was an odd amount of space between her and everyone else. _See_ , she was already being weird! This was going to be harder than she thought. She watched him break away from the group and walk towards her and her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

"Hi Jess."

"Hi."

There was a long pause. Her words completely failed her. She could see a crease of confusion start to form in his brow and the corners of his mouth began to turn up into a smile. He took one more step forward and held his arms out palms up, his fingers ushering her forward. She just stared at his hands like she had no idea what he was asking of her, like all human social conventions had become completely foreign to her. He laughed and shook his head.

"Well come here."

Juddering back to life she could feel a crimson heat flooding her face and she stepped into his arms quickly hoping that he hadn't noticed. Her touch was cautious and considered, trying not to wrap her arms too tight or brush any of her skin with his. But as she felt his palm find that spot in the middle of her back and his fingers protectively splay she let her arms relax around his shoulders. As her cheek pressed against the warm skin of his neck she felt the urge to close her eyes and lean into him but she resisted. She already wanted to tell him, she could feel the words sitting at the top of her throat just waiting to make their way out, so she let go of him reluctantly.

"You uh...you want a beer."

"I'd love a beer."

Eagerly she made a move toward the kitchen where the others were congregating but he grabbed her hand to get her attention. He heat of his hand searing her skin.

"I really missed ya Jess."

She nodded and smiled weakly. "I missed you too."


	4. Fine

Jess batted her pancake back and forth between each hand as it burned her fingers. Letting it flop on to her plate she placed the pan into a sink full of cold water with a satisfying sizzle and poured herself some fresh coffee. The smell of the loft on a Saturday morning was always heaven, all coffee and baked goods. It was the opposite of the 'mid-week granola at her desk' at work. It was one of those times that Jess was at her most relaxed. Most of the time anyway. Relaxed and Jessica Day hadn't exactly been synonymous of late. Tightening the belt on her robe she hopped up on to a stool, determined to enjoy the peace of the morning before her life had the chance to catch up with her still sleepy mind. She peeled open Schmidt's newspaper careful not to wrinkle the pages, he was super weird about people reading his newspaper before him, in spite of the fact Jess had been doing it for almost five years. Apart of the soft, dulcet lull of the morning radio the loft was quiet, not the kind of quiet she had come to loathe when everyone had disappeared at the start of the summer, the kind of quiet that calmed her for just a half hour or so.

Resting her head in her hand she slowly turned the pages, idly sipping her coffee when she saw Nick rounding the corner rubbing his eyes sleepily. She straightened up in surprise, adjusting her glasses to somehow appear more casual. She still wasn't used to having him back. She had stopped expecting him to be there when she came home and she'd almost got used to it. It was weird and wonderful to suddenly see his face even if it did make her heart beat a thousand times faster to the point of genuinely concern that she might have a heart attack. She had missed him schlepping around in his crumpled little sweats with his bed hair that consistently stuck up in all the same places. Even his gravelly morning voice made her smile as he greeted her.

"Mornin' Jess."

"Hey Nick. Oh there's coffee in the pot."

"Thanks." He yawned as he reached for a mug and pulled up a stool next to her. "Whatcha readin'?" He drawled peering dangerously close over her shoulder.

"Um...you know, climate change, war, celebrities with no underwear on, the usual. You're up early."

"I know. I've been waking up with Reagan for the last three months so my body is kinda set on her clock now."

Awesome, Jess thought to herself as she took a chunk out of her pancake, biting down extra hard. Reagan's name had been mentioned at least three hundred times since Nick had come home and still she wasn't becoming as desensitised to it as she had hoped. Each one was still like a knife twist in the gut and it made it harder for her to pretend Reagan didn't exist which is what she had planned to do for as long as possible, until Reagan inevitably showed up at the door. Of course Nick was oblivious to all of this, why wouldn't he be. To Nick she was still ' _Jess the best friend'_ who he could talk to about anything. If she had any hope of keeping up this visade she had to play along. As she watched his mouth move she tried to float up out of her body leaving behind a neutral, objective shell which would respond appropriately to anything he said. She hoped.

"So you miss her huh?"

"Yeah, I mean I guess, it's only been a day so..."

"Still it must be weird not having her around."

"I supposed I'll have to start getting used to it, at least for now."

"You guys will make it work I'm sure."

Nick nodded and smiled at Jess whose focus had returned to her breakfast which she poked around at before cutting it in half and placing it on a plate in front of him squirting on just the right amount of maple syrup. She seemed more subdued than usual, even the night before she hadn't pounced on him demanding every last detail of his adventure the way she normally did. She had been quiet, and a quiet Jess was slightly unsettling. Under any other circumstances he would know exactly what was wrong, but he hadn't been around for the last three months and he was a little rusty, something which he suddenly felt very guilty about, so much that he struggled to swallow the first mouthful of his pancake. Tracing his mind back to the last time they had really spoken he took a shot in the dark. He gently nudged her arm to get her attention.

"Hey Jess I'm sorry I wasn't around after your break up with Sam. That was kind of dick move, I should have been there for you."

She shrugged. "That's ok. Reagan was important to you. I understood."

"You're important to me Jess. I should have made sure you were ok before I left and I didn't and I'm sorry.

"You don't have to be sorry Nick. I'm fine really. I'm ok with it."

"Are you sure?"

"Why, don't I seem ok?"

"I don't know." He squinted at her, measuring her up. "I'm still deciding."

Growing uncomfortable under his gaze, feeling like he had seen into her soul. She gulped down the rest of her coffee which was still far too hot for so bold a move, and hopped off her seat, dumping her dishes in the sink. Really? Was this really how it was going to be every time she had a conversation with him? Him acting suspicious and her running away. Jess turned the tap on harshly as she let out a frustrated sigh, knowing full well Nick was looking at her the whole time. Giving the dishes a vigorous scrub she tossed them to one side and turned on her heel.

Nick lowered his coffee cup from his mouth. "Where are you going?"

She clenched her hands together behind her back, willing them to stop fidgeting. "Uh, you know, school starts Monday and I need some supplies."

Nick started to get out of his seat. "Want some company?"

Jess didn't know whether to smile or scream. "Uh sure, but it'll be kinda boring for you."

Nick shrugged. "I got nothing else to do this morning, besides it's a good chance to catch up with my old friend J Day." He winked, pinching her sides as he passed and heading for his bedroom. Jess bit her bottom lip into her mouth trying not to smile.

* * *

As the sun beat down hard Cece pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes and curved her arms around Schmidt's as they strolled down the street looking for somewhere to have brunch. They had elected for a long morning in bed after a few too many beers with Nick the night before so they were left struggling to find a table. Still it had been worth the extra hour in bed which had been very productive. Finally they found somewhere with tiny tables and crappy aircon but Cece insisted their omelettes were amazing so Schmidt conceded, turning his nose up at everything he walked past. Rolling her eyes Cece giggled at him which only made him frown even more intensely. But as two cups of coffee appeared under their noses, everything was right with the world. It was become a Saturday morning ritual for them and she loved it, she loved how easily they were settling in to married life. Even when they were experiencing their first months as husband and wife with three other people, four if you counted Aly who had pretty much become an honorary loft mate. She was proud of them. They were doing good.

But that inevitably led her mind to Jess, someone who wasn't doing so good. She had noticed her and Nick were missing from the loft when they had got up that morning. Cece couldn't help the concern that seeped into her brain. She knew the more time Jess spent alone with Nick the harder it was going to get. But she also knew how strong that temptation was, how being alone with that one person makes the rest of the world slip away. She looked at Schmidt, exploring his face from some sort of recognition to her thoughts, but there was no reason he would suspect anything. She wanted to tell him so bad but she knew she couldn't, not yet anyway, so she would often find ways to dance around the subject, hoping that he would figure it out.

"So Nick seems pretty happy huh?"

"Yeah he does, it's nice, I haven't seen him like this in a long time."

Cece could feel herself reacting internally on Jess' behalf. "So you think they're gonna go the distance?"

Schmidt paused and considered his words as he chewed painfully slowly. "Well I don't know about that."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't get me wrong Reagan is great but it's only been three months. I'm not gonna go choosing tuxes just yet."

"I don't know he seems pretty smitten. I mean he ran off to New Orleans with her."

"Yeah and he ran off to Mexico when he got together with Jess.

"Come on! That was totally different, he knew Jess, they had been friends for two years."

"I'm just saying that in the beginning Nick can fall pretty hard. It's what comes after that which will tell us how serious he is. When things start getting real that's when he starts to freak out."

"He didn't freak out with Jess."

"Because he was completely in love with Jess."

Cece raised her eyebrows at Schmidt's frank admission, her fork even paused halfway to her mouth. As much as Cece had spent the last three months reassuring Jess that somehow everything would work out, there was a small part of her that had been worried about the Nick that was going to come back from New Orleans and how deep in young love that Nick was going to be. Cece knew Reagan and she knew Nick and she never would have put the two of them together but it seemed to be working. Or so she thought. There were only two people in the world who knew Nick Miller better than he knew himself and they were Jess and Schmidt and Schmidt's words had got Cece thinking.

"So honey are you saying..."

"No, look, I'm just saying it's early days but he's happy so let him enjoy it. I just think this long distance thing will be hard for him."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know Nick. When he's with a girl he's into, he wants to be around her all the time, no matter what."

* * *

Nick trailed after Jess as she pondered over various brightly coloured bits and pieces from the shelves, things he couldn't identify. She had taken her crafting up a notch since he left for New Orleans it seemed. He paced slowly behind in her exact footsteps picking things up, frowning at them, and putting them back down. He was clueless but this was kind of Jess' haven so he didn't bother her with random, inane questions. He just followed behind her quietly because quiet seemed to be the order of the day. But he let it go because it was nice just to spend time with her. He had already said it to her enough times to the point of it officially becoming creepy so he just thought it to himself now, but it was true, he had really missed her. Being with her always relaxed him. There was always a little less colour in his life when Jess wasn't around. But the time apart had changed things between them a little, that much was obvious, although he knew Jess would just deny it if he asked her because everything was _'fine'_ , she was _'fine'_ the world was _'fine',_ just a whole bunch of _'fine'._ The word was starting to lose all meaning he had heard it that many times.

It wasn't about Sam, she had made that abundantly clear and continually asking her that question was making her nostrils flare and her jaw do that flexing thing that made him cower. It wasn't work, she had been on vacation for six weeks for god's sakes. Her family were all good. So he had narrowed it down a little and as much as he didn't want to ask, as self-absorbed as it felt, he couldn't help himself.

"Jess?"

"Yeah."

"You do like Reagan don't you?"

Jess paused for a few seconds, her hand hovering in mid-air over some heart covered ribbon. She swallowed and spoke. "Of course I do, she's great. Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I guess we've never really talked about it and you know...your opinion is important to me."

Jess turned her back to him and continued to try and casually browse. "Well you can rest easy Nick. Reagan is a great girl."

"Good. I mean I'm glad, I would hate to think you thought I was making a mistake or anything like that?"

Jess paused again. ' _Mistake'_ , that was an interesting word for him to use and it got her attention. Sure it was pulling at hopeful heartstrings that wanted to believe in nothing but the best, but still, it intrigued her. She turned back to face him. "Do you think you're making a mistake?"

He frowned and stared at the floor, slowly shaking his head. "No, I don't think so. I mean it's not going to be easy, us being apart all the time but it doesn't feel like a mistake."

Jess nodded and forced a smile. "Well there you go then. You've got nothing to worry about."

Nick let out a soft laugh of relief but there was a reticence in his face. Without thinking she reached for his hand. That was a best friend move, the Jess who was in love with her ex-boyfriend had been meticulous with all her movements and a master at keeping her hands to herself, so that was definitely 'Jess the best friend' making a much anticipated appearance. She breathed and relaxed into it, her sudden concern for him overshadowing the way his hand felt in hers. The way it was rough and soft all at the same time, and warm. Always warm. "Is everything ok Nick?"

"Hey that's my line." He chuckled. Realising Jess was still staring at him he shook it off with another laugh. "Yes, yes of course. You know me, I like to think a little too much. It's all good, it's great even."

"As long as you happy Nick, that's all I care about."

He squeezed her hand. "Back at ya."

"Nick I'm fi..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fine" He cut her off and threw his arm around her shoulder, marching her towards the door. "Come on fine girl, I'm gonna buy you lunch"

With a chuckle she followed him gladly.

* * *

As the heat from Winston's chest became to hot on her face, Aly raised her head, propping herself up on her elbow. She poked him playfully in the cheek as he pretended to be asleep when what they had been doing twenty minutes ago would suggest that he was anything but tired. She loved how things were going with him and how relaxed she was around him, how relaxed she found herself in a home that wasn't hers. Any nights she spent at her apartments now were just token gestures so Winston didn't freak out that the relationship was moving too fast when really she could quite happily spend all her time at the loft with him and his crazy roommates. She teased him, pulling at hairs on his chest and poking the dimple in his cheek when she caught him smiling.

"Hey." She poked him a little more. "Hey." She laughed. "What are we doing tonight?"

Finally he rolled his head toward her with a toothy grin. "Actually I think Nick wants us to go to the bar. He has to go back to work tonight and he asked if we would all go hang out seeing as he just got back. Is that ok?"

"Yeah sure. Are all the other guys going?"

"Uh yeah, I think so."

Aly nodded and waited for ten seconds. "Jess?"

Winston crinkled his forehead in confusion and let out a small laugh. "Yeah why?"

"I dunno, she seemed a little off last night. Not her usual self."

Winston frowned. "I didn't notice. I mean she was a little touchy about all the dating stuff but I guess she's still a little bummed out about Sam."

"Are you sure? They broke up like three months ago and they never seemed...I don't know...she never seemed that crazy about him."

Winston raised his eyebrows in thought and paused for a moment. He had been a little swept up in Nick's return last night but now that he thought about it Jess had been a little quiet. He had assumed it was Sam, for the last three months he had always assumed it was Sam but what if he was wrong.

"I don't know if crazy is the right word but she was definitely into him."

"Sure, I mean you've been friends with her for years, I'm still getting to know her I guess. Just ignore me, it's probably nothing."

Winston pushed himself up with a sudden burst of energy, his face awash with concern. "Well see now you're making me think about it. I feel terrible. Should we do something, you know, to cheer her up?"

"Sure if you think it'll help. Isn't her birthday coming up?"

"Yes!" Winston held his hand up to high five Aly with gusto "Yes, we'll throw her a surprise party! Boom!. That's perfect."

Winston gave Aly a kiss that was half praise and half gratitude and hopped out of bed looking pleased with himself. Even his little butt jiggled happily as he jogged toward the bathroom. With a giggle and an affectionate eye roll Aly dropped flat on the bed.

* * *

Jess giggled as Nick topped up her wine and told her some crazy theory behind the new cocktail he'd made up which she couldn't wait to see printed on the menu. It was the first time since last night he had gone a whole hour without talking about Reagan or their time in New Orleans so she had finally been able to find that belly laugh that had been hidden in there since the morning of Schmidt and Cece's wedding. He had kept her wine steadily topped up since she had arrived so she was certain that was also a factor. Schmidt was following Cece around the bar like a fly as she collected glasses and served customers, it was safe to say the honeymoon phase wasn't even close to wearing off. Winston and Aly had text her to say they were on their way. Jess had missed being in the bar with all of them, it just hadn't been the same without Nick. Things were slowly starting to feel normal again and as Nick leaned over the bar to talk to her, close enough that she could feel his breath against her cheek, she figured falling back into the old routine definitely wasn't a bad thing.

Weirdly, having a girlfriend seemed to give him license to touch her more and speak to her a little more freely. Maybe he figured it wouldn't freak her out if she knew he was spoken for. He was free to touch her if there was no consequence. Was that the only thing that had stopped him from being so tactile around her? That she would run away if she thought that he wanted more? If only he knew.

She was playing up to it, she knew she shouldn't but she couldn't help herself, flirting was always so easy with him. Not that he knew that's what she was doing. She let her hand linger for just a few seconds on his forearm and she only touched his face when he had a eyelash on his cheek, really that was the only reason. Spending the day with him had reignited that spark in her and for a moment she allowed herself to forget, for a moment she allowed herself to believe there was just the tiniest glimmer of possibility until he pushed himself away from the bar, increasing the once intimate gap between them to answer his phone. One look at his face and she knew who it was. His whole face lit up and he did that thing where he straightened himself up and smoothed his shirt to seem more presentable even though Reagan couldn't see him. Jess tried to be subtle, she tried not to show her disappointment but she could feel her face starting to collapse. Lucky for her he was no longer looking to see her very obvious reaction, in fact he was nowhere near her now, he'd taken himself off to his office. Swirling the last mouthful around in her wine glass she threw it back.

"Woah take it easy Jess, it's not juice." Schmidt teased as he sidled up next to her.

Jess grunted and hopped off her stool. "I gotta pee." After wrestling her bag from the back of the chair she stormed off leaving Schmidt shaking his head with a confused smile.

"What's with her?"

"Just take it easy on her ok Schmidt."

"What? why?"

"Look it's just..."

"Hey guys!" Winston interrupted as he arrived hand in hand with a smiling Aly. "Where are Nick and Jess?"

"Bathroom, office." Schmidt gargled trying to keep a mouthful of Melon Ball in his mouth.

Winston looked around him to check who was there and stooped over, shielding his mouth with little subtlety. Sometimes it was hard to believe he was a cop. "Shhh guys listen. This is probably a good time to mention it."

"Mention what?" Cece enquired in confusion as she slid a couple of beers under their noses.

"Aly and I were talking earlier and we were thinking it might be nice to have a surprise party for Jess' birthday. She's had a rough couple of months and we thought it might be nice."

Cece's face melted into a warm smile. "That's a really great idea Winston." Jess was going to love it.

"What's a great idea?" Nick chipped in as he returned, shoving his phone in his back pocket.

"A surprise birthday party for Jess." Winston repeated reluctantly, checking again over his shoulder even though there was nobody near him.

Nick's smile quickly spread to his eyes. "Oh yeah that's a great idea I...wait, wait...Shit! That's the weekend I'm supposed to be going to San Francisco to see Reagan. Shit I didn't even think about what date it was! Oh man I'm the worst."

"Well can't Reagan come here?" Winston enquired innocently.

"You think Jess will mind?"

Cece's eyes widened in horror. She opened her mouth to object but she couldn't, what would she say. There was no good, earthly reason she could think of why Reagan showing up on Jess's birthday was a bad idea. Nothing that wouldn't arouse suspicion anyway. Winston seemed so proud of his idea and the other guys were so excited it would be weird if Cece said no to it, they would know something was up, especially Schmidt. She racked her brains for something, anything, but the conversation was already moving on without her, Reagan was being invited, cake ideas were being swapped, plans were being made and now Jess was returning from the bathroom. Cece had missed her chance.


	5. It's My Party

Cece wound her hair up into a ponytail as she wandered out from the bathroom feeling fresh as a daisy after her shower. With Winston and Schmidt at work and Jess finally back at school the weekdays had returned to being quiet. Just her and Nick pottering around the loft until their shift was due to start. She had finally got used to living with Nick and his ways, nothing surprised her anymore, she always expected to find him doing something weird and random to keep himself occupied. Hell she'd been known to join in these days now that she had a buddy to while away the daytime hours with. So she wasn't surprised to walk into the living room to find him whipping his hands back and forth dramatically trying to rid his fingers of some troublesome sticky tape. She narrowed her eyes and giggled as she approached him.

"You know you could just pull it off with your other hand Nick." She dropped on to the couch.

"I can't because then I have to let go of the thing...the paper and it took me forever to get it all neat."

Cece sat forward "Wait a second. Nick are you...are you wrapping a present? I don't think I've ever seen you do that before."

"Yeah well Jess is this close to getting it in a plastic bucket if I can't get this damn stuff off."

"Oh it's for Jess." Cece smiled at the effort he was making. "Well here let me help, I'll hold it."

"Thanks."

Cece leaned forward to the coffee table and replaced Nick's fingers with her own, taking a moment to straighten up the wrapping paper which his natural heavy-handedness had left a little creased. She couldn't help but notice the corners of an intricate little box which sat underneath. Tilting her head from left to right she tried to see a label or get some clue as to what it was but all she could gather was a small navy, velvet box about the size of a post-it note. As Nick viciously gnawed his way through another strip of tape with his teeth she lifted the piece of paper to see more but she wasn't quick enough.

"Issa atch." Nick mumbled incoherently through a mouthful of tape.

"Huh?"

Pulling out the tape and placing is carefully where Cece's fingers were he repeated himself more clearly. "It's a watch. If that's what you're looking for."

"Oh, nice. I'm sure she'll love it. Look at you getting the grown up gifts."

"It's no big deal, it's just a little thing, she can exchange it if she wants." Nick said casually as he scrunched up the leftover paper in his hands.

"Oh wait Nick the receipt, you're crumpling it up." Cece leaned forward and plucked the white piece of paper from the pile. Suddenly her eyes widened as she accidentally caught sight of the numbers. "$250! You spent $250?" She shook her head and berated herself as she screwed it back up and dropped in on the table in Nick's direction. "Sorry Nick, it's none of my business I shouldn't have looked it was an accident."

Nick's face started to redden as he scrunched the receipt up in his hand and stuffed it into the pocket of his shirt. "It's ok, it's fine. You know it's not a big deal Cece, I'm just making a little more money now and well, Jess has had a shitty few months so I thought..." He groaned and dropped back on the couch. "It's too much isn't it. Dammit I look like some idiot showing off. There's just nothing I need so I'd rather spend the money on her birthday. I should have thought it through, I..."

Cece rested her hand on his knee. "Nick she'll love it and if you wanted to treat your friend to something special well then that's really nice of you."

Nick chewed his lip with a sudden shyness. "Well I've only ever given her crappy gifts, even when we were dating so it's about time I made up for it."

Cece smiled and stood up from the couch to help ease his embarrassment. "You want some coffee?"

"Sure."

Cece made her way to the kitchen but not before turning back to rest her hands on Nick's shoulders. As he turned she bent down a little.

"That helmet and the movie theatre thing? They were not crappy gifts Nick."

Nick's mouth flickered into the beginnings of a smile but there was an intensity to Cece's words that he couldn't quite place. Looking back at the gift he stuffed it back in the paper and finished wrapping it up. Playing with it in his hands he pondered his decision to buy it and wondered what Reagan might make of it. They hadn't reached a gift milestone yet so it wasn't like Reagan had the means to draw any comparisons but maybe spending so much on Jess was going to raise some warning flags. But Jess' birthday was the following day and there was no time for him to exchange it and deep down he knew he didn't want to exchange it. He knew she would like it, he'd seen her eyeing it up in a magazine, flicking back to that same page over and over to look at it again. She had told him it was similar to one her mother had when she was a kid. If she liked it, it would make her smile, how could that be bad? To be honest his relationship with Jess had become a little strained over the last couple of weeks and he was willing to give anything a shot to put it right. Reagan would understand.

* * *

Later that evening Aly rubbed her tired eyes as she rode up in the elevator to the loft. It had been an intense day at work and seeing Winston gleefully skip off two hours before her hadn't made it any easier. Luckily she'd given him firm instructions on food to buy for dinner so that was her one saving grace. She smiled as the smell of cooking garlic wafted from underneath the door. The boy hadn't listened well she thought to herself. But as she entered it was Schmidt clad in the apron sprinkling some spices into a pot as he served his wife a glass of white wine. Winston was busy cowering over the coffee table pouring over a piece of paper intently. Greeting them she toed off her shoes and shook off her jacket, hanging it up neatly. Kissing her boyfriend hello, she perched on his knee and his warm arms instantly circled her waist lovingly. Looking down she recognised the list he was making as a guest list, given away further by the little drawing of a balloon he'd made in the corner with a capital 'J' in it.

"So how many people are we looking at?" Aly enquired as she peered over at the list running her finger down the names even though she didn't know many of them.

"Sixty eight. Man that sounds like a lot doesn't it. We gonna get all those people in the loft?"

Aly giggled. "Babe this place is huge, you'll be fine."

"OK!" Schmidt interjected firmly as he took a seat next to Winston clutching his iPad. "You need to listen super carefully because I'm going to make you all recite this back to me afterwards. Nick come here!" Schmidt bellowed in the direction of Nick's bedroom.

"I'm talkin to Reagan." He yelled back through his slightly ajar door.

"She can listen to this too. Come on, Jess will be back soon so we have to run over this now."

Nick emerged from his room still talking to Reagan on his laptop but finding time to throw Schmidt a hard grimace as he dropped down on the sofa, turning the laptop to reveal a slightly unamused Reagan who sat slouched on a hotel bed wearing a pair of sweats and an expression of confusion as to her impromptu involvement in a loft meeting.

Schmidt held up his hand to silence the group and began. "Ok Cece, you're taking Jess for lunch with Sadie at one p.m. sharp. At that point I'll return with the decorations I've been storing in my office. The theme is Hawaiian, no arguments. We have precisely two hours to decorate the loft from top to bottom."

"Schmidt?" Nick interrupted."

"Shush Nick! At three, Winston you will go and collect the cake from Marvin's. Nick you will get all the drinks on ice, that includes prepping lemon slices and olives. I will be preparing the music and lighting. At four it's shower time gentleman. We'll be meeting Jess at the bar for drinks at five so we don't arouse suspicion. Nick you will be behind the bar before she starts pecking your head about why you have the night off."

"Great so I have to fake work?" Nick barked. "That sucks." He could hear Reagan's chuckle from the laptop.

"It's called staying in character Nicholas. Besides we have to keep you busy so Ole Sweatback doesn't talk and give the game away."

"Character? What character?" Nick sulked.

"Meanwhile..." Schmidt interrupted, rolling his eyes at Nick. "...Reagan will arrive at six forty five. Aly will be at the loft letting in the guests at seven. Winston that is a big responsibility, she's your girlfriend, if it goes wrong you will pay the price."

Aly recoiled in offence and could do nothing but laugh surprisedly at Schmidt.

"What? She's a cop!" Winston laughed. "She's like our own personal doorman...woman." Aly smacked his arm playfully but offered him a peck on the lips for defending her honour.

Schmidt continued. "We'll bring Jess back to the loft at seven thirty on the dot. Is everyone clear?"

"Yes." They groaned in unison.

"Reagan is that clear." Schmidt repeated. "You're new to all of this so I've emailed you the itinerary for a little light bedtime reading and no romantic airport pickup from Nick I'm afraid. He needs to stay in character at the bar so I've arranged a cab."

Nick rolled his eyes and turned the laptop to face him. "I'll pick you up at six."

"Thanks babe" She smiled over the screen making a small kissing face.

"Nick!" Schmidt barked. "You're gonna ruin it."

"I'm not gonna ruin anything, I'll be back in time to get to the bar. Just tell Jess I'm in a meeting with a vendor or something."

"Why is this a surprise again." Reagan piped up from the computer. "Isn't it easier just to tell her there's a party. You know less stressful, fewer itineraries."

"No" Winston looked wounded. "Surprises are way more fun and Jess needs cheering up.

"Ok. Said Schmidt. "If we're all clear on what we're doing then we're good to go."

"Good to go where?" Jess chimed in as she made her way through the door, kicking off her shoes and dropping her school bags in exhaustion.

Nick slammed his laptop should as his eyes widened along with the rest of the gang's. Subtly really wasn't their strong point. Schmidt hugged his iPad to his chest and inarticulately fumbled something about an updated loft mate agreement which seem to be sufficient and boring enough for Jess to simply laugh and roll her eyes before retreating to the kitchen allowing them all to bask in a sigh of relief.

Nick made his way back to his room before Jess started to ask any more questions. He wasn't equipped to deal with that kind of pressure and she would know in two seconds if he was lying about something. Closing the door tight behind him he dropped on his bed comfortably crossing one leg over the other and opened up his computer again to call back Reagan. He was glad to see she hadn't moved or taken offence to his abrupt departure.

"Sorry about that. Jess came home, I panicked."

"It's ok I figured." She giggled.

"Hey don't listen to old bossy pants out there, I'll be at the airport at six ok."

"Ok."

"Listen I'm sorry we had to change our plans, I know I was supposed to come to San Francisco and I don't want you to think..."

"Nick you need to stop apologising. It's Jess' birthday, I get it, I don't mind. I mean I'm gonna be spending a lot of time in LA anyway right? Might as well start early."

"How did you get so cool?" Nick asked with an affectionate smile.

"It's all natural."

"I really miss you."

"I miss you too."

They took a moment to regard each other with soft smiles and thoughts of how things would be when they were with one another. The buzz of newness was still rife between them but after a pause Reagan's face grew a little more serious.

"So what's up with Jess, what's with the cheering up thing?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, she's been a little off ever since I got back."

"Is it the whole Sam thing?"

"I thought so at first but now I'm not so sure. She won't talk to me."

Reagan watched Nick as he paused in thought, his eyes moving away from the screen to stare down at his lap. For a minute it seemed like she completely lost him to his own thoughts. Although she had been loathe to admit it to herself it wasn't the first time she had seen him do it.

* * *

The following morning Jess awoke to a stream of balloons tied to the end of her bed, each one signed by each of the guys, and a feeling of warmth and happiness spread instantly throughout her entire body. A morning call from her Mom and Dad further lightened her mood, even Abby had managed a text this year which was a rarity given her perpetual forgetfulness. She had been greeted with smiles and some freshly baked muffins from Schmidt that rivalled her own and a couple of Mimosas which had left her feeling a little tingly as her and Cece headed out for lunch with Sadie.

Sadie was her usual vivacious self and delighted in some time with her ladies. Spending time with Jess and Cece alway brought some calm and nostalgia to her otherwise chaotic life. It reminded her of a simpler time. They had already got through a bottle of wine. Somehow midday drinking was far more acceptable when it was somebody's birthday. They had talked of Jacob and Melissa, married life and spent the obligatory ten minutes moaning about work but soon came the inevitable and it wasn't lost on Sadie the looks being exchanged at the mention of Jess' love life.

"Ok what's going on?" Sadie asked with narrow, suspicious eyes.

"Nothing." Jess and Cece both shook their heads innocently.

"It's not nothing, you guys keeping looking back and forth at each other like there's something going on, like you've committed a crime or something. Come on tell me. I'm stuck at home with a toddler all day if you have gossip I need it right now."

Jess paused. Telling Cece was one thing but telling Sadie, saying the words out loud again terrified her. Sadie would keep it to herself, Jess wasn't worried about that but how many people was she going to come clean with about her feelings before she told the one person she wanted to tell the most. Part of her felt guilty for exposing something so big and so inextricably linked to Nick with other people while he was still so in the dark and growing more confused about her behaviour by the day. Not to mention the fact that there was that extra added bonus of humiliation at people knowing she was in love with someone who might never love her back the way he once did. But her feelings were getting so strong, bubbling right under the surface that it was getting more and more impossible to keep it to herself. With one more gulp of wine she took a deep breath.

"I um...ugh...I kinda realised I still love Nick."

There was a moment of silence, a distinctly lacklustre silence.

"Oh." Sadie replied flatly with just the smallest hint of disappointment.

"Sadie!" Jess exclaimed feeling mildly offended that her big admission had been met with such a lukewarm response.

"I mean oh!" Realisation suddenly hit Sadie and as her eyes widened in feigned shock she sat up straight and leaned across the table to grab for Jess' hand. "Oh Jess that's a really big surprise I mean wow I...I...I can't do this. Jess of course you're in love with Nick it was so obvious."

"Well it wasn't to me. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I thought you knew I thought you guys were just waiting for the right time to give it another shot or something."

Jess shock at Sadie's words faded into something more solemn.

"Yeah well that's not gonna happen now. He's still with Reagan."

"The pretty pharmaceutical girl."

"That's the one."

"Well screw her!"

"She's actually really nice."

"So, you're nice and you had him first?"

Jess couldn't help but giggle at Sadie's rousing exuberance "I don't think it works like that."

"Yes it does. Jess if you want Nick you can have him, you just need to tell him how you feel. Reagan will get over it and meet someone else, they've been together for what, like five minutes. You known him for five years. You should tell him Jess."

"Look Reagan isn't the only problem, Nick doesn't necessarily feel that way about me anymore."

"Pfff." Sadie made a face and sipped her wine.

"What does that mean?"

"It's means pfff. Pfff to what you just said because it's nonsense. I don't even need to know Nick that well to know that he would take you back in a heartbeat. Come on. Cece you agree with me right?"

Cece turned to Jess sheepishly "She's not entirely wrong Jess. I still think you should tell him."

"I can't..." Jess shook her head deep in tumultuous thought. "...can I?"

"Yes!" They both responded in unison.

* * *

Schmidt took a step back to survey the loft, he and his boys had done a pretty good job and he was confident Jess was going to love it. A few well placed coconuts and one or two inflatable palm trees and they had turned the loft into a Hawaiian paradise that was certain to lift Jess' mood and give her a party to remember. It had been a long, long time since they'd had one of their loft shindigs. They used to be a staple event but had dwindled the further into their thirties they had crept so it felt nice to resurrect an old pastime. Schmidt swilled round the last mouthful of the whiskey they had treated themselves to after a hard day of party planning and tinkered with the last set of lights before marching over to Nick's door and hammering on it with intent.

"Nick we're five minutes behind schedule come on!"

Nick opened his door with a stern grimace on his face. "Ugh Reagan's flight is delayed, she's not gonna get here until ten."

"You can't leave the party Nick!"

"Relax I'm not going to, she said she'll get a cab here."

"Ok so it's fixed, great, we gotta go like now."

"Thanks for the sympathy Schmidty."

"She's still coming, what's the big deal?"

"It's her first visit as my girlfriend I wanted it all to go smoothly."

"Nick it's not your fault the flights is delayed she knows that. You're still gonna see her in like five hours, now we really have to go."

Nick sighed and took one last glance at his phone forlornly. "Fine. Let's get out of here."

The bar was busy, so busy that Nick had felt compelled to help out seeing as Schmidt had forced him to keep up a pretence behind the bar, even though Jess hadn't even arrived yet. Similarly he felt compelled to moan and glare at Schmidt at every chance he got but Schmidt was too busy waiting for a text from Cece to let him know they were on their way and everything was on schedule. Aly had been texting Winston with party guest updates and he was starting to feel guilty for leaving her to play host to that many people but Schmidt had forbidden him six times from leaving. They silently but collectively agreed this would be the last time Schmidt would be in charge of a surprise event. Seeing a break in customers Nick made his way back over to the guys.

"How come I'm the one who has to fake work, why isn't Cece working?"

"Because." Schmidt replied trying hard to remember Cece's exact words. "Cece is wearing a two hundred dollar dress and doesn't want to get beer stains all over it. Plus she had to keep Jess away from the loft."

"Well what about my shirt?" Nick asked causing an uproar of laughter from both Schmidt and Winston.

"Oh shhh they're here." Winston muttered.

"This isn't the surprise part dummy she knows we're here." Nick mocked.

"Shhh" Winston flapped his hand again to silence Nick.

Jess and Cece walked in arm in the arm and Nick couldn't help but feel warmed by the smile on Jess' face and it was only going to get better. They were both in dresses and heels. Cece had convinced Jess to dress up for lunch knowing Jess would be grateful for the advice later on when she arrived at the party. Jess' dress was simple and black. Nick didn't see Jess in black all that often but when he did he always noticed how great it was on her, sexy even. Realising his eyes had drifted below her neckline he berated himself internally and reached behind him for a bottle of champagne.

"Hey how was lunch." Schmidt chorused getting up to hug and kiss them both. Jess before Cece on this particular occasion.

"It was really great. Nice to catch up with my gals." Jess smiled as her and Cece hopped up on to a stool each.

"We were thinking we could have a few drinks here and then maybe head back to the loft. I'm made us a special dinner see." Schmidt beamed, internally grateful he had correctly said the line he had been practising all day without giving anything away.

"Oh Schmidt that's so sweet, that sounds great."

"Well, you deserve it." He hugged her tightly around the shoulders.

"Champagne?" Nick interjected pushing glasses across the bar to them and popping the cork on the bottle.

* * *

Merriness pervaded the group for the next two hours and Nick and Jess delighted in each other's company. So much so she neglected to notice he hadn't served a customer in over an hour and was more than happy to quaff champagne with her. She had to make a mental note to make sure she spoke to the other guys an even amount so she didn't arouse his suspicion, although he seemed more than comfortable to talk with her all night. He seemed excited, relieved even that she seemed to have set her weirdness to one side for the night, even Jess could feel a small weight off her shoulders and she was pretty sure that was down to Sadie's rousing speech over lunch. She couldn't help but feel a wave disappointment when Schmidt informed her it was time to leave, but she knew she couldn't argue after how much effort he had gone to making dinner.

As they rode up in the elevator Nick was almost bemused by the churning of excitement in his stomach to see Jess' face when they entered the loft. He had watched Winston check his phone and give them all a wink of confirmation that everything was good to go in the loft. Nick kept checking over at Jess and he knew she had no idea what was happening. He had worried after a few minor slips in conversation at the bar but they seemed to go unnoticed by her, she'd been far to distracted. As they reached their floor they hung back so Jess was sure to reach the door first. Nervous hands twitched and feet shuffled as Jess took a lifetime to find her keys but finally she placed them in the lock and turned.

Nick felt every part of him warm in joy at the look on her face as the room erupted in lights and noise. Her eyes and smile lit up in a way that he had never seen before and it made his heart jump. Nick teased Winston often enough in life but this was definitely one of the guy's best ideas Nick thought to himself as he put his arm around Jess' shoulders and squeezed more joy into her. He felt her lean into him just a little and so he hugged her tighter. He looked at all the smiling faces around the room and it was no surprise to him how many people were there to celebrate with her, it filled him with a strange sense of pride.

Jess mingled in a crowd of familiar faces as music played and drinks flowed and for the first time in months she could feel real happiness. She showered Winston with praise for his idea and thinking of her so fondly. She thanked Schmidt profusely for his effort in putting it all together and she playfully teased Cece for keeping the secret from her when really she loved every second of it. Nick she had found herself avoiding more as the night went on. She had a few drinks in her now and his company at the bar had set her stomach into such a state of flutter that she wasn't sure what would happen if she was alone with him again, she could feel her control slipping. But a couple of hours into the evening as she chatted with some work friends she felt him tug on her hand, she knew it was him before she even turned around. Pulling her to one side he smiled and produced a small package from his pocket.

Cece watched nearby in anticipation. She knew it was going to make Jess' day and maybe, just maybe, it would bring them one step closer to something, anything. Surely Jess' reaction to his efforts couldn't be so easily disregarded by Nick. Surely making her so happy would remind him of the effect they once had on one another. Cece waited with bated breath as she watched Jess unwrap the gift painfully slowly, her eyes fixed on Jess' face like a hawk. She watched and waited for that stunned look, that look of realisation at just how much Nick still thought about her because she so deserved to be reminded of that.

But it didn't come.

Instead it was replaced by a bright, yet simple smile. The same smile Cece had received for the perfume she gave, the smile Winston had got for the giving her the cookery books. Cece looked down into Jess' hands to see a sweet, yet very understated scented candle. Sure it was Jess' favourite scent and Cece could tell from the box it wasn't exactly cheap but her heart sunk as she realised Nick had put Reagan's feelings ahead of Jess'. There was no other reason to keep the watch from her. Jess' smile was honest and sincere but as Nick poured another glass of champagne and they disappeared into the crowd together Cece couldn't help but feel heartbroken for her best friend.

* * *

In the darkened quiet of her bedroom Jess took the candle from its box and inhaled its pleasant scent before placing it in the middle of her dresser. It was sweet of him to remember her favourite one she thought with a smile.

"There, see, pride of place." Jess smiled as she turned to Nick who had followed her into her bedroom for a moment of peace.

"I'm glad you like it I know you're always talking about that fresh laundry smell so."

"Well thank you."

"You're welcome. Happy birthday Jess. " He smiled as he raised his glass to clink gently with hers. "Are you having a good time?"

"I'm having an amazing night, it was sweet if you guys to organise this. I wasn't expecting it at all."

"Well, you deserve it, you've had a rough few months with Sam and everything so we thought it would cheer you up."

"It has."

Nick smiled at her taking a moment to regard her fully. He saw her shoulders rise in a soft giggle as she grew slightly nervous under his gaze but still she stared back, their eyes meeting one another's without distraction. He needed to take the time to look a little harder these days to see into her head the way he used to but there was a fog now, something getting in the way no matter how hard she smiled at him.

"It's nice to see you look happy. I haven't it much the last couple of weeks. Look Jess, I know there's something wrong and I'm not gonna make you talk to me about it, especially not tonight I just hope that you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it soon. Whatever it is I'm here for you. I'll always be here. Until then I'm glad you're smiling."

Jess swallowed hard as she felt a sting behind her eyes. "Thanks Nick."

He nodded with a sincere smile and left the room just as Cece entered. Jess's eyes followed Nick until Cece closed the door behind him. She gazed at the door longingly until she was finally reminded of Cece's presence.

"Hey Jess look I've got something I need to tell you..."

"I'm gonna tell him Cece." Jess interrupted

"What?!"

"I'm gonna tell him how I feel."

"No Jess you can't."

"Why not? You and Sadie were the ones telling me to be honest with him."

"Not right now Jess."

"I can't keep avoiding it and now feels as good a time as any, we've had a really great time together today."

Cece shook her head. "No Jess, it's not, it's not a good time."

"Why?!"

Cece closed her eyes and opened the door again to reveal Nick and Reagan kissing in the hall.

* * *

Nick curled his arms around Reagan's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder as she leaned into him. It felt nice to have her in his arms again even if it did all feel strangely out of practice. He tried to listen carefully as she talked to Winston and Aly but he couldn't help but be distracted as his eye caught Jess in the corner of the room looking very worse for wear. He narrowed his eyes as the guy she was with offered her more tequila when it was clear it was the last thing she needed. To Nick's utter confusion, at some point in the last two hours Jess had managed to sink what looked like an entire bottle and was now so wasted she seemed oblivious to the guys's hand getting closer and closer to her ass which prompted Nick to interrupt the conversation.

"Hey Winston who's that guy Jess is with?"

Winston turned to look. "Um, some guy from her running club, why?"

"I don't know if I like the look of him."

Reagan turned in Nick's arms and raised her eyebrows at him.

"Oh come on it's not like that, I mean look at her she's hammered and he's all over her. How did she get so drunk?"

"It's her birthday Nick." Reagan implored. "I mean maybe the guy is a bit of a sleaze but she in the loft, she's safe."

Nick nodded in agreement but he was far from comfortable leaving Jess in the company of someone who had now pulled her into a groping embrace which she was far too intoxicated to get herself out of. He watched her sway from side to side and her eyes open and close intermittently. He flinched as she stumbled backwards and snarled inwardly everytime her little running buddy put his hands on her. Soon even Reagan couldn't ignore the state Jess was in. She released herself from Nick's embrace and turned to him.

"Go see if she's ok."

Nick looked at Jess and then back at Reagan with regretful eyes. "I'll be right back ok." He kissed Reagan's forehead and moved across the room to Jess. The closer he got the more unstable he could see she was with her fingers clamped loosely around the neck of an empty tequila bottle. Jess had a tiny frame and couldn't handle her alcohol at the best of times but this was something else. He had never seen her like this before.

"Hey Jess, can I talk to go for a second?"

"I'm busy I'm um...I'm talking ...to Jack here. Nick this is Jack. Jack this is..." She waved her hand dismissively in Nick's direction.

"Pleasure I'm sure." Nick bit sarcastically as he held Jess' arm and gently tugged her toward him.

"Hey come on man we're just talking." Jack said but Nick ignored him.

"Come on Jess please, just come with me."

"Don't pull me Nick." She wrenched her arm away, causing herself to stumble a little and resumed her precarious position with Jack so Nick held her hand and pulled again her a little more forcefully.

"Jess come on, let's get you some water."

Jack stood upright and stepped a little closer to Nick. "She's got a drink dude." He said dangling the tequila bottle Jess had been holding.

"Yeah I can see that _dude_ , that's the problem." Nick forced himself in between Jess and Jack and put his arm around her to guide her toward her bedroom. Halfway down the hallway Jess started to resist as she realised she was being pulled away from her own party.

"Hey no I don't wanna leave. I'm having fun. I...I..."

She stopped talking and rested her hand on Nick's chest as she tried to steady herself. He watched her swallow hard a few times before her upper body jerked forward once, then twice. Yeah she was going to throw up. She smacked her hand over her mouth and bolted for the bathroom. He followed behind her protectively and was met with the sounds of an echoing retching noise followed by hollow moans and groans. Turning on the light he moved behind her in the stall and gathered her hair up in his hands forming a makeshift ponytail. Kneeling down next to her he ran his palm up and down her back slowly and tentatively.

"Is she ok?" Reagan asked as she appeared in the doorway looking concerned, although Nick could tell the concern wasn't just for Jess.

"I'm fine." Jess barked as she raised her head from the toilet dabbing her mouth with the back of her hand but her sudden movement was a little too presumptuous and she leaned forward again to empty the rest of her stomach.

"She'll be ok, go back and enjoy the party I'll be right out."

Reagan nodded but hung in the doorway and watched Nick tend to Jess. She watched him soothe Jess in a way he wasn't even close to behaving with her. She knew her and Nick were still in the early days of their relationship but there was just something in seeing the way he was with Jess that unnerved her. He turned and offered her a reassuring smile which she returned and made her way back to the party, looking back one more time over her shoulder.

Falling back on her butt Jess flopped against the side of the stall inelegantly resting her head in her hands.

"Wow you really went for it birthday girl." Nick chuckled as he moved to press a cool cloth against her forehead but she quickly swiped away his hand.

"Don't Nick."

"Come on Jess it'll make you feel better." He tried again but she was even quicker this time and something in her face told him this was no longer funny.

"No, Nick." She slurred. "I don't...I don't want you. Please just get Cece."

"Jess." He frowned in confusion.

"I need you to leave me alone. Please. Just leave me alone."

"Jess I'm just trying to help."

She shook her head and buried it in the crook of her arms which perched on her wobbly knees, her voice now muffled. "Not you. Please just not you."

Nick waited for a few moments confused and stunned by her reaction to him. He wanted to put it down to the alcohol but with her behaviour the last couple of weeks he knew there was more too it. He had seen a flash of anger in her eyes and he knew he had done something to upset her. Resting his hands on his knees he pushed himself to his feet pausing for just a moment before he reluctantly left her to go and find Cece.

* * *

Schmidt closed the door to the loft as the last guest staggered into the hall. Flicking on the main lights they all marvelled at the mess that had been made in the loft but they'd had too much of a good night to care.

"I don't know about you guys but I say we just deal with this in the morning." Schmidt suggested tiredly causing all of them to look at him in shock.

"Are you sure babe." Cece laughed in surprise. "You gonna be able to sleep knowing all of this is out here."

"I'm so tired I could sleep through anything, come on let's just go to bed. Schmidt and Winston padded to bed as did Winston and Aly leaving Nick and Reagan on the couch.

It hadn't exact been the reunion either of them had imagined but here they were together after two weeks apart which felt good. As her head dropped to his shoulder he hugged her tighter and leaned his cheek on the crown of her head, closing his weary eyes for just a moment. He was glad of such a pleasant distraction although it was hard for him to get his mind off Jess and the way she had treated him, he had refrained from telling Reagan about that part, he didn't want to ruin her night anymore than he already had. She didn't deserve it, especially after she had agreed to come to LA to be with him. He kissed her head letting his lips linger.

"Thanks for coming."

She smiled and curled her arm over his stomach. "You're welcome."

"You tired?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

She turned her head to look up to him and placed a kiss on his neck. "I think I still have a little more energy."

He smiled and stood, taking each of her hands and pulling her up from the couch and towards his bedroom. They made love slowly and leisurely as they got reaquainted with one another's bodies. It was tired and slightly intoxicated sex but it felt good. Nick let the tips of his fingers run up and down Reagan's bare back as he lay awake in spite of the fact it was four o'clock in the morning. Reagan had long been asleep but Nick's mind was still a muddle of thoughts. Elation at seeing Reagan and confused sadness about Jess. Jess shouldn't even have been on his mind. He had his girlfriend in his arms after weeks apart and yet there was Jess, sitting comfortably in his head, knocking repeatedly at his brain. Why was she so upset with him?

After half an hour he eased Reagan's arm from across his chest and gently tucked it under her as he slid slowly out of the bed being sure not to wake her. Throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt he slipped out into the hallway and simply stood there. He had no clue what he was doing. He just stood for what felt like minutes on end staring from the floor to Jess's door and then back again. Finally taking a step toward it he put his hand on the knob and turned it slowly. He knew she would be sound asleep. She had passed out instantly after Cece put her to bed two hours ago and when Jess was out she was out.

He felt felt a strange mix of madness and compassion towards her as he watched her sleep. He hated that he couldn't figure her out, that she wouldn't talk to him. As he stepped closer he looked at her face where the moonlight from the window caught just part of it. All the anger and frustration in her eyes was gone now as she lay peacefully. He felt the sudden urge to touch her face but he resisted. Instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped gift, laying it gently on the pillow next to her before disappearing out the door.


	6. Enough

Jess opened her eyes and for about four seconds everything was ok until she dared to move and then the pounding set in. Pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes she winced and let out a small yelp for anyone who could hear. She had no idea who had left the glass of water next to her bed but she was just about ready to marry them as she sat up and drained all of its contents in mere seconds. Setting the empty glass down she heard a soft thud on the floor, or was it a thud in her head, it was hard to tell. Peering over the side of the bed she pinched the bridge of her nose her as her head violently protested such an abrupt movement. Picking up a small package she knew it was from Nick, she recognised the wrapping paper from the night before. And just like that, like a truck hitting her at a hundred miles an hour the memory came rushing back. Reagan, tequila, rejecting Nick when he was trying to help her and putting herself in a position it was going to be very hard to explain her way out of. She set the gift to one side, whatever it was she wasn't worthy of it, she didn't deserve it after the way she treated him. She could feel tears stinging in her throat but she was too tired and sore to cry. Pulling the covers over her head she rolled over and slept away another two hours.

When she awoke for the second time she felt marginally more human, if a little gross, man she needed a shower and she really, really needed to brush her teeth. Peeling her tongue from the roof of her mouth she groaned to herself or at herself, she wasn't sure. Swinging her feet to the floor she made a slow bid for the bathroom but she could hear them in the kitchen. She could hear his low grumbling voice and Reagan's laughter at whatever he was saying. She definitely didn't sound like someone who had pounded half a bottle of tequila the night before. Standing with her back pressed against the door Jess looked again at the small package at the side of her bed and frowned. She had no idea when he had even left it there, she hadn't heard him come in but that was no surprise.

Sitting back on her bed she pulled some aspirin from her top drawer and swallowed them hard with the dregs of water left in her glass all the while staring at the small gift which she had now placed in front of her, eyeing each other up like age old enemies. Sitting back against the headboard she began to peel away the paper to expose a small velvet box. Opening the lid with the small creak she stared at the contents and suddenly she felt even more nauseous. She was the worst person in the world. Nick probably hated her right now and he had every right to. She wrapped the watch delicately around her wrist trying hard to swallow down the lump in her throat. It was beautiful.

* * *

Nick scrunched his nose up at the inexplicable smell of burning coming from the grill. It was impossible anything was burning, he only just started cooking it. Turning a few knobs and poking at the eggs and bacon with a knife and fork he decided they weren't in any danger and continued as Reagan watched him from behind, trying hard to stifle a laugh at his wanting kitchen skills. She had lived with Nick before, briefly, but it had been enough time to witness him set of the smoke detector several times and almost manage to burn cereal. But seeing it in live action right from scratch was a whole new experience. He surprised her again as a plate of pretty delicious looking breakfast appeared in front of her, even if it was a little heavy on the grease.

Watching Nick do most things was like watching a toddler carry a stack of china plates and it was something she was still getting used to. He was unlike anyone she had ever been with before. She had always been mature for her age, people had been telling her that since she was a kid. She was organised and ambitious and practically came out of the womb like that so to date someone like Nick, her polar opposite, was flying in the face of anything she had done before and it was something of a learning curve. As she watched him bash chaotically around the kitchen she smiled to herself and pondered the moment all that might change, if it would change or was this just Nick. Every day she would learn just a little bit more about him and every day it would bring them closer but even after three months of living together there was still so much she didn't know, so much that kept her from being the closest person to him. The competitive person in her wanted to become that person, the person who knew him the best. But she wasn't there yet, not quite. The people who lived with him every day still knew him so much better than her, Winston, Schmidt, Cece...Jess.

She wasn't a jealous person, she never had been, she had no time for it but that's not to say she wasn't aware when she had a little competition on her hands. She liked Jess, what little she knew of her, but it was clear Jess still held a part of Nick, a part that Reagan wanted for herself. There was no desire to cause any bad blood between her and Jess, that was the last thing she wanted but she needed a clear picture of what Nick and Jess were to each other if her and Nick were to go any further, and she wanted them to go further, she really did.

As Nick sat down opposite her with his plate of food he leaned across to offer her a kiss on the lips which she gladly accepted before they both tucked into their breakfast. She watched him fondly and everything about him told her he should be an easy guy to figure out but he wasn't. Reagan being the person she was, she was never one to beat around the bush.

"Hey Nick can I ask you something?"

Nick looked up innocently "Sure."

There was a moment of pause but Reagan decided to go for it. "Why did you and Jess break up. Really?"

Nick was taken aback by such a bold question so early in the morning. He chewed his food for a moment while he thought of his response. "I thought I told you."

"You did, and Jess kinda filled me in a little but it all seemed a little vague. You told me it didn't work out but you never really said why?"

"Um..." Nick chewed for a little longer and wiped his mouth, rubbing his hand on his thighs as he prepared his answer. Taking a quick glance over at Jess' bedroom door to check it was still closed her lowered his voice. "We were just fighting a lot. We couldn't seem to agree on a lot of things. You know, important things."

Reagan rested her chin on her hand and reached for Nick's to ease him into the conversation gently. Playing with his fingers she pushed a little further. "Like what?"

"Like the future, what we both wanted."

"What did you want?"

Nick laughed humorlessly, growing a little more uncomfortable with the conversation. "That was the problem, I didn't know. She did."

"Ok so what did she want?"

He paused for a moment as he allowed his mind to drift back to that fateful night, something he rarely did. "She wanted to get married have kids."

That took Reagan by surprise and her eyes widened "And you didn't"

Nick was staring past Reagan now, his mind was somewhere else. "No, I did."

"So what was the problem?"

Remembering himself Nick looked back at Reagan and shifted in his seat, squeezing her hand with an awkward laugh. "Why are we talking about this?"

"It's interesting. Jess is a big part of your life and if we're gonna do this I should probably know everything."

Nick started to fit the pieces together in his head and realised that Reagan's probing was a way of trying to put herself at ease with her insecurities. Lacing his fingers more tightly through hers he pulled her a little closer and pecked her on the lips. "Reagan you don't need to worry about me and Jess ok, she doesn't feel that way about me anymore."

Reagan narrowed her eyes at his choice of words. "And you?"

"What?"

"How do you feel?"

Nick laughed, a little too hard, but his desperation to draw out the absurdity of her comment only shone the spotlight on himself. "Look Jess and I are over, we have been for a long time. You don't need to worry. It's you I want ok?"

Reagan succumbed to the softness in his eyes and nodded. "Ok."

* * *

Two hours later Jess stood with her ear pressed against her bedroom door. As she heard voices fade and the soft click of the front door to the loft she dared to crack her door open for the first time that morning. Peeking out she couldn't see any movement or hear any signs of life so she bravely flung the door wide open and made a break for the bathroom. But her break for freedom was cut short as she literally ran into Aly in the hallway.

"Whoah hey." Aly laughed as she grabbed the tops of Jess' arms to steady her.

"Sorry Aly, I didn't realise anyone was here."

Aly nodded her head, she had suspected Jess was hiding herself away but the fact she only saw fit to leave her bedroom when she thought the loft was empty confirmed it. "I'm just heading out to work, the other guys are at lunch. They thought it was better to leave you to sleep."

"Yeah." Jess laughed weakly. "That was a wise decision. I needed it."

"I'll bet, you really went for it last night."

"Yeah I know, it was stupid. I don't know my own limits sometimes." Jess smiled and walked past Aly to continue down the hallway toward the bathroom.

"Don't worry I do the same thing when I'm upset."

Jess stopped in her tracks as her heart suddenly started to beat a little faster. She took a moment to turn and face Aly but when she did her face was a deep shade of crimson.

"What?"

"You know, try to escape it in some way, any way."

"Aly I don't..."

"It's ok Jess you don't have to pretend with me, I know you're probably exhausted from pretending and that's why you got so drunk last night, so you wouldn't have to do it in front of Reagan...and Nick."

Jess swallowed hard as she felt a swell of emotion rise up into her throat. She felt a sheen of tears across her eyes as Aly looked at her softly. There was a long pause between the two women as a dose of reality sunk in. "Please don't say anything." Jess pleaded gently.

Aly took a few steps forward and grabbed one of Jess' hands. "I would never do that Jess. I swear I won't say a word. Not even to Winston."

"Does anybody else know?"

"No, I don't think so."

Jess wandered like a ghost to the couch and sat down resting her forehead in her hands. She felt the cushion dip as Aly sat next to her, her utility belt clattering as she shuffled closer to Jess and put her arm around her shoulders. Jess looked up and tried to muster a smile for Aly who had truly become a good friend to her over the last year, a better friend than she even knew it seemed. But if Aly had figured it out so easily then Jess wasn't doing as well as she thought. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it." Jess sniffed and let out a humourless laugh.

"I think it's just easier for women to pick up on these things. Your mood just kinda shifted after Reagan arrived."

Jess dragged her hands down her pale face and let out a soft groan. "Does Nick hate me?"

"Of course not, but I'm not gonna lie he's pretty pissed at you right now. I think he's confused. He doesn't know what he's done."

Jess pouted tearfully and stared into the distance, helplessly shrugging her shoulders. "He hasn't done anything."

"Maybe you need to tell him that." Aly gave her shoulders one last squeeze and stood up. "I gotta go to work but I'm here whenever you wanna talk Jess. Even if you just want to curse the world for half an hour I'm a good sounding board."

"Jess smiled sincerely. "Thanks Aly. That mean a lot."

* * *

Nick leaned far back in his chair and rubbed a hand on his content belly as he groaned in uncomfortable fullness. Luckily Reagan was doing the same so he didn't need to be too careful at coming across like a glutton. Schmidt merely narrowed his eyes at the remains of Nick's monstrous pizza as he poked around at his measly chicken salad. It had been a relaxed afternoon, not least because they were all feeling a little delicate from the night before. There was a slight sombreness in the air for Nick as the day ticked away, knowing he was only a few hours from having to take Reagan back to the airport. He was trying not to make a big deal out of it though, this was just how it was going to be so if he made a big deal out of it now then it would always be a big deal and it would never work. So he smiled and joked just as normal and ignored the fact he was going to have to say goodbye again, ignore the fact it would be another two weeks before he saw her and also ignore the fact his best friend in the world seemed to hate him for no apparent reason.

It bothered him, it bothered him more than he would even dare admit to Reagan, especially in light of their conversation that morning. It was distracting him and he hated that. He had been imagining his first weekend with Reagan ever since they had said goodbye in New Orleans and it hadn't worked out to plan. He was amazed that she was still sitting there smiling at him, genuinely looking like she wanted to be there when every part of him was screaming at him that he had messed it all up. But every squeeze of the hand from her, every kiss on the cheek was reassurance that maybe he was doing ok. He cast his eye up to the clock on the wall again but she caught him this time.

"Stop counting down the minutes Nick. We can't keep watching the clock every time we're together."

"Sorry. I'm just not ready for you to go yet."

"Aw isn't this sweet." Schmidt gushed as he rested his head on his chin and gazed at them both.

Nick rolled his eyes and Schmidt and stifled a smile. "Shut up Schmidt, you're one to talk."

"What, I'm being serious it's nice. Right Ceec."

Schmidt nudged Cece's leg and nudged the words out of her mouth. "Yeah it's real cute." She smiled as best she could while her insides ached for Jess.

Cece had been texting Jess incessantly all morning but so far she'd had no response. When Cece had checked on her earlier that morning she had been out cold so she'd chosen not to disturb her. Jess had been just a few small steps away from being a total wreck when Cece had put her to bed the night before. Every raw emotion Jess had been suppressing for the last few months had come bubbling to the surface and it had been hard to watch. Even though Cece knew it wasn't Nick and Reagan's fault at all she couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit resentful towards them as they kissed and touched one another across the table. She didn't begrudge Nick happiness but Cece knew it her heart that he could only really find that true happiness with Jess. She had never been more certain. The first couple of years after Jess moved into 4D Cece had been more certain of Nick and Jess' relationship than she had hers and Schmidt's.

They walked leisurely back to the loft, Nick clearly taking his time to prolong Reagan's visit for as long as he could. As they reached the loft Cece half expected Jess to not even be there, or if she was she'd still be buried in her bed feeling sorry for herself and avoiding Nick and Reagan altogether. So she was surprised to find her sitting bolt upright on the couch, fully showered and clothed in a bright yellow dress that touched the sunlight that shone through the windows. She was a different Jess to the one Cece had seen hours earlier. Still she looked nervous, on edge even. Cece mouthed at her as she walked through the door to make sure she was ok and Jess simply nodded and stood upright, adjusting her glasses anxiously. Sensing a conversation was afoot Cece grabbed Schmidt's hand and led him to the bedroom with little encouragement needed. Reagan unlaced her fingers from Nick and took a few steps towards Jess who was now scratching nervously at her elbow to the point of almost drawing blood.

"Hey Jess, you look a lot better." Reagan chuckled.

"Thanks, yeah I feel better. I uh...I went a little too far last night." Jess' eyes gazed past Reagan to land on Nick who looked away at her words.

"Well as long as you had fun right?"

"Right." Jess let out an airy laugh.

Reagan looked back at Nick who quickly plastered on a smile. "Ok well I'd better go pack up my things."

"Sure, I'll wait." Nick pecked her lips making Jess wince. As Reagan disappeared into his bedroom he made a move to follow her.

"Nick wait. Can I um, can I talk to you?"

"Reagan and I need to leave for the airport so ..."

"Please. It'll just take a second."

Nick glanced towards his bedroom door and then back to Jess whose eyes seemed to be pleading with him

"Um, ok, sure."

Jess sat down on the couch, moving back to leave room for him to sit next to her. He was mad at her, she could see it in his eyes even though he was doing his damndest to avoid eye contact with her. Leaning his elbows on his knees he sat forward on the edge of the cushion like he didn't want to commit to sitting there with her for too long. She licked her lips as her mouth became dry as a bone in his presence. She had been waiting all day to talk to him but it suddenly dawned on her she had no real idea what she wanted to say. Tucking her hair behind her ear she cleared her throat quietly and began.

"About last night. I'm sorry, I was really drunk and I didn't mean to act the way I did."

Nick turned the corners of his mouth down and nodded his head slowly, still avoiding her eyes. For what felt like the longest time he said absolutely nothing. Finally he turned to face her, his eyes full of disappointment. "See the thing is Jess I think you did mean it."

"What?"

"Jess you've been weird with me ever since I got back, last night was just you letting it out. I don't know what I've done or said to make you so upset with me but..."

"I'm not upset with you Nick." She interrupted fighting the tears that threatened to fall.

"You could have fooled me."

"I don't know what to say to you, I can't explain it."

"Try, Jess. Please try because the way you treated me last night, I didn't deserve it and the least you can do is tell me what's going on so I can try and fix it."

Looking into his eyes Jess could feel her heart swelling with emotion. Maybe it was now or never. Maybe if she just said then it would be out there and she wouldn't feel as bad anymore.

"It's nothing you can fix Nick it's just...ever since you left I've found things really difficult."

Nick narrowed his eyes, confused by her words. "Why?"

"I've just felt really lonely and it's partly because I see how happy all you guys are together and it makes me realise what I'm missing."

Nick face suddenly softened. "I'm sorry Jess, I'm sorry if I made you feel left out that was never my intention."

"No you didn't, it's just that..."

But Nick continued. "I mean Cece and Schmidt are newlyweds, Winston's in his most serious relationship like ever and I guess things have just been going so well between me and Reagan that I got carried away. I didn't mean to rub it in your face Jess, and on your birthday too, I'm sorry. I was just so excited to see her."

Jess smiled weakly in defeat. The second of bravado she had been feeling passed her by as she listened to him talk about his girfriend. It wasn't the time to tell him, maybe there would never be a time to tell him. The only thing she was absolutely certain of was that she would never put her friendship with him on the line. She swallowed back her tears and tried desperately to be the friend that he knew. Suddenly she felt his warm hand on her leg and she looked up into his eyes.

"What was the other part?" He asked sincerely.

"Huh?"

"You said that was only part of the reason you were upset. What was the other part?"

"Um nothing really...I guess just this..." She pulled the small velvet box from behind her and handed it to him. "I can't accept the watch Nick. It's too much and I don't deserve it after the way I behaved."

"Come on Jess don't be stupid I want you to have it."

"It's too much Nick."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that. You're worth it Jess. Seeing you smile is worth it. Please keep it. Here." Nick took the box from her and opened it, taking out the watch. He held her wrist gently making her body break out it goosebumps as he carefully wrapped the watch around it. "See it looks great, you're meant to have it."

Jess looked into his eyes, barely noticing the watch as he fastened it closed. "Thank you Nick."

"You're welcome."

"We're ok right. We're still friends?"

"Always kid."

* * *

Forty five minutes later Cece emerged from her room where she had left Schmidt fully sated and comatose. The loft was quiet as Jess small figure sat curled up on the sofa with some cheesy movie playing almost silently in the background. Cece could tell from Jess' hunched shoulders that her and Nick were no further forward, if anything they might be a few steps further back. Settling down on the couch next to Jess she stroked her arm affectionately.

"You ok babe?"

Jess scrunched up her face sadly. "I've been better."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I tried to. I mean I guess we smoothed things out but I didn't say what I wanted to say. I couldn't. It didn't feel right."

"So what now?"

"I'm not gonna spoil what they have Cece, I'm not gonna be responsible for ruining his happiness."

"What does that mean for you?"

"It means enough is enough. I have to get over him. I have to stop thinking about him. I need to move on."


	7. Chapter 7

As the cab pulled swiftly but smoothly up to the curb, Reagan leaned forward and gave the cab driver a twenty. After dropping Nick off at the airport she'd had ideas of going home and throwing on her pyjamas but she had succumbed to the buzz of San Francisco on a Saturday night. Stepping out of the cab she loosened a couple of buttons on her shirt, she wasn't really dressed for going to a bar but she didn't care. She rubbed her fingers vigorously against her scalp to give a little volume to her hair and walked into the noise of the crowd towards the bar.

She had missed this. She adored spending time with Nick but it was no secret that he wasn't really into crowds and overly loud bars, certainly not clubs, so she rarely suggested them when he came to visit. In the last couple of months she had been to L.A. eight times and Nick to San Francisco, seven. Their evenings had slowly become more about quiet dinners and sex on the couch after watching a movie. She loved it but the energy of being out in a busy bar after a hard week at work was something she really missed. She might have been edging towards her mid-thirties but she wasn't ready to give up that part of her life just yet.

She smiled at few familiar faces on the way into the bar and made her way to the front where she found her friend Terri already sitting waiting with a freshly made cocktail ready to go. Actually Terri wasn't so much of a friend as she was an ex, but the good kind of ex, the kind you could still talk to without wanting to cry or punch them in the face. Terri was cool, she was hands down the coolest person Reagan knew. Reagan had met her on a trip to Tijuana with mutual friends and they had instantly clicked, which was rare for Reagan. Everytime she saw Terri she remembered vividly why she was so attracted to her in the first place, but like their relationship, it wasn't long before that feeling faded and they settled into their comfortable friendship that had spanned a decade. They hugged and exchanged the standard pleasantries between two friends who hadn't seen each other in a few months before they sat down to get to the good stuff.

Terri was a free spirit, everything about her, her hair, her clothes, it all just screamed of someone who didn't give a shit about what anybody thought of them. It was just how Reagan had been before her professional ambition had got the better of her. Ultimately that's what had steered them on different paths but Reagan still liked to get high on Terri's energy whenever she was with her. The talked about life, work and inevitably love. Reagan talked about Nick and even showed a couple of pictures of him on her phone which wasn't usually her style.

"He's a cutie." Terri smiled. "Not who I imagined you ending up with, but cute."

"Whoa nobody said anything about _'ending up'_." Reagan protested with a laugh as she stuffed her phone back in her bag.

"So what it's just a sex thing then?"

"No! It's a real relationship."

"But you've been together what, six months?"

"Yeah."

"So you must see some sort of future in it right? When was the last time you stuck with someone for six months? Even yours truly only made it four."

It was true, Reagan hadn't done a long term relationship in years and she never imagined Nick would be the one to break that pattern. He believed horses were from outer space for Christ's sake. But somehow, some way, they had made it to six months and they were still together. She hadn't dated or slept with anyone else, despite the odd temptation, which in itself scared the crap out her if she thought about it for more than five minutes. Reagan just shrugged and smiled fondly.

"I don't know, being with him is comfortable."

Terri stared and furrowed her brow with a snigger. "Comfortable? What the hell is that? Comfortable?"

"Just what I said, comfortable. That's not a bad thing."

"No, but it's a boring thing and you Reagan, are not boring."

"Why does it have to be boring? I'm happy, I really care about him."

"Ok if you say so."

Reagan's face fell a little but Terri, being as brutally honest as ever, just told her not to pout and finish her drink. Her friendship with Terri had always been based on fun, brutal honesty and nights filled with tequila, but she still valued her opinion and her dismissiveness about Nick didn't sit well. Reagan had had her doubts about Nick in the beginning, running off to New Orleans together was hasty, she could admit that now, but lucky for them it had panned out and those doubts had faded. Or so she thought. Reagan had never really given any thought to who she _should_ be with, instead she went with the ebbs and flows of people who came into and walked out of her life working under the assumption that one day one of those people would just slot in seamlessly and stick around. She had thought once or twice maybe that person could be Nick but she had quashed those thoughts before she got ahead of herself. It had only been six months. Smashing her ice into the bottom of her glass she frowned and pondered Terri's words.

* * *

Nick crept around the front door, opening it as little as possible. There was only a certain point you could push the door to before it let out a reverberating creak that would be sure to wake the whole loft. He'd got it wrong the last seven times he had returned late from San Francisco but he had almost mastered it now. Gritting his teeth he put all his energy into softening his steps as he closed the door behind him and made his way to his bedroom. As he padded down the hallway he was both surprised and unsurprised to see Jess's door wide open, her bed unslept in yet again, despite the fact it was almost one in the morning. Jess liked a night out as much as the next person but this had been every Friday and Saturday night for the past two months. Cece had assured him she was just letting her hair down but to Nick it was just another thing to add to a long list of the un-Jess like behaviour he had been witnessing recently.

Dropping his bag on the bed and making the decision to unpack it in the morning he threw on some sweats and made his way toward the kitchen. He'd had far too much coffee on the flight to be able to sleep anytime soon. A quick text to Reagan to let her know he had arrived home safely and then a beer and some late night football were in order. Just as Nick made himself comfortable on the couch and wrapped his lips around the cold neck of the bottle he heard giggling coming from the hallway. Placing his feet from the coffee table back on to the ground he debated a speedy exit to his bedroom but it was too late as Jess and some guy made their way into the loft with slightly less concern about keeping quiet than he'd had.

Jess had on a tight, dark purple dress that he'd never seen before and the curls of her hair bounced around her shoulders, her mouth was white with a toothy smile but her eyes wide as she spotted him sitting on the couch. It felt like weeks since they had seen each other when in reality it had only been a few days. Nick didn't recognise the short, mousy looking guy behind her but he didn't look anything like Jess' type, whatever that was these days. Jess seemed to have made dating into an olympic sport but this was the first one she had brought back after hours. He sensed by her expression she wasn't expecting to find him there, which was apt considering the somewhat fragile state of their relationship.

"Hey Jess."

"Hey...I wasn't expecting you back until tomorrow."

Nick pouted his bottom lip and shook his head "No I was always coming back tonight."

"Oh, I must have forgotten."

"Well, I guess we haven't talked much lately." Nick said with an odd smile before turning his narrowed eyes back to the TV.

Hearing a shuffle behind her Jess suddenly remembered Dylan and stood to one side, almost presenting him to Nick who could not have seemed less interested if he tried.

"This is Dylan."

"Hi." Dylan smiled warmly raising a hand before tucking it quickly back in his pocket, obviously nervous to come back to his date's house and find a grumpy looking guy sitting on her couch.

"Hey." Nick half smiled raising his beer bottle with limited enthusiasm.

Dylan leaned into Jess and lowered his voice. "Jess is there a bathroom I could use?"

"Sure, it's just down the hall on the left."

Jess watched Dylan trot down the hall for a few seconds and then turned her attention back to a rather quiet Nick who didn't even look up from the TV screen as she slowly took a seat next to him, making sure there was at least one full seat cushion between them like she always did these days. She had been a little to successful in putting some distance between her and Nick since her resolution to get over him and their closeness had started to suffer.

"How's Reagan?" Jess enquired.

"She's good. she says hi."

"That's nice. Things going ok with you two?"

"Uh huh." Nick turned to her after a moment's paused and sighed as he watched her fiddle with a loose thread that hung from her bag. Her curls softened her face and her eyes looked enormous and wet in the light of the TV. He felt an affectionate urge and nudged her arm gently. "You look nice."

Jess smiled and stared down at her dress. "Thanks it's new."

"For your hot date?"

Jess shrugged shyly. "Something like that."

Nick nodded and held her gaze for a moment, the smile on his face soon fading before he turned back to the TV. This was just how things were now. For every five words that were said between them there were a thousand words that weren't. Jess was painfully aware of what she was hiding but why Nick had become so withdrawn over the past few weeks was a mystery to her. Grumpy Nick had been a lot more prevalent of late, especially when she was around.

"So who is he?" Nick sipped his beer casually without looking at her.

"He's a friend of Sadie's. I never figured him for my type but I thought I'd give it a shot. He's nice."

"Yeah he seems...nice. So I'm guessing you want me to clear out."

"No it's ok, you were here first we'll just go to my bedroom."

There was a sudden and strange weight in Nick's chest and as Jess stood and turned her back he sniggered, almost cruelly "Isn't this your first date?"

She turned. "Yeah why?"

Nick raised his eyebrows suggestively with a spiteful smile. "Didn't think that was your style Jess. Guess you're not planning on seeing him again after tonight huh?"

Jess could see his jaw flexing where the light from the TV caught the side of his face. She paused as her mouth dropped open a little. "I'm choosing to ignore that insinuation Nick."

"I didn't say anything."

"You didn't need to." Jess grabbed her purse forcefully and headed for her room. "Thanks Nick." Jess snapped. "Thanks a lot."

"Come on, it was a joke. Jess!" Nick smiled half heartedly and shook his head as he watched Dylan disappear into Jess' room behind her and the door slam hard. Soon his face grew more serious as did his mood. His knack for pissing off Jess was really turning into something spectacular. All he had to do was exist and it would set her off, at least that's what he'd been telling Schmidt and Winston. Deep down he knew he was aggravating her, provoking her even, just to get some sort of reaction out of her, any reaction to his presence. He hadn't seen her much over the last couple of weeks and it seemed he would rather tease the life out of her than admit that he missed her and he wanted her attention. Granted he had been spending more time in San Francisco but everytime he came home Jess was nowhere to be found. Everytime he planned something with her, something else always came up, usually a date. The quality moments they had shared in the last couple of months he could count on one hand. He was tired of hearing nothing but lame excuses from Cece to try and bail her out.

He had been excited when he heard the door open, genuinely happy to see her face for just a few seconds before her date showed up behind her. He missed those nights where he would show up late and she would still be up watching some sappy movie or grading homework and they would share a beer together and talk through their day. It used to be one of his favourite times of day and now it hardly ever happened. Correction, it never happened. He could hear Dylan's low grumble through the wall, punctuated by Jess' muffled laughter and he threw back the rest of his beer, grabbing another from the kitchen before turning the sound up on the TV uncomfortably high. He managed to drown out the noise for a good five minutes before a grumpy, kimono clad Schmidt emerged from his room to yell at him.

* * *

Reagan laughed as the whir of the coffee machine stirred Terri from the couch and made her squirm with a loud groan. One cocktail had turned into seven and Terri had wound up crashing in her hotel room despite the fact Terri had her own three bedroom house which would have been far more comfortable. Reagan took delight in dropping heavily on the couch next to her as she struggled to sit up, clutching her head in pain. Reagan rarely suffered from hangovers and she was always keen to gloat about that fact. Thrusting a cup of coffee into Terri's hand she sniggered. A hearty lunch was exactly what they needed to kick start their day.

Further down the Californian coast Nick was the first to rise. He wanted to put it down to still being on Reagan's early morning clock but the truth was he hadn't slept much and it got to a point where trying seemed futile. Throwing back some of Schmidt's expensive espresso he rubbed his face vigorously to wake himself up and poured out an oversized bowl of cereal. He managed to get a full twenty five minutes of peace and quiet before Schmidt emerged in his running gear, including some excruciatingly tight pants, scrolling through songs on his ipod. His eyes widened as he spotted Nick in the kitchen.

"Nicholas what on God's green earth are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep. Thought I might as well get up do something with my day."

Schmidt huffed out a laugh as he filled up his water bottle in the sink. "What do you have planned that you're so eager to get to?"

Nick shrugged. "I don't know, I might see if Jess wants to do something."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think she's pissed at me."

"Again?" Schmidt gargled through a mouth full of water.

"No I deserved it. I was kind of a dick to her last night. At least I think I was."

"Who was a dick to who?" Cece interjected as she walked out of her bedroom wearing a short robe that immediately made Schmidt's greedy hands gravitate towards her. Giggling and batting his arms away she turned her attention back to Nick.

"Me I was a dick to Jess." Nick raised his hand with a sheepish look as Cece turned to him and folded her arms in a way that made him want to cower beneath the kitchen counter until she went away.

"A dick how?"

"It was nothing." Nick shrugged.

"It obviously wasn't nothing if you're sitting here with your tail in between your legs."

"I just made a joke about her date, it wasn't even that bad."

"Nick!" Cece eyed him sternly and dropped her shoulders in exasperation. "What did you say? Do you have any idea how hard it's been for Jess to finally start dating again after... everything."

"I couldn't help it, I mean who was that guy?"

"Sounds like someone's a little jealous." Schmidt mumbled with his eyes to the floor, barely moving his lips.

"Are kidding me Schmidt?" Nick snapped with a fatigued tilt of his head.

Schmidt looked up. "What? It does. I'm just saying."

Nick put his cup down on the counter with a bang and pushed his stool back, rising to his feet. "I'm not jealous. Why on earth would I be jealous, I'm with Reagan?"

Nick continued to mumble in protest as he disappeared back to his bedroom, leaving Schmidt and Cece to exchange surprised looks over the odd reaction they had just witnessed. Cece felt mildly excited both by Nick's reaction and the flicker of recognition from Schmidt that something was going on. Despite Jess' best efforts to get over Nick, Cece knew it wasn't happening and the urge to tell Schmidt was becoming overwhelming. It wasn't just for idle gossip or to selfishly take the weight off her own shoulders, she genuinely wanted Schmidt's advice. But she sighed as Schmidt threw his leg up on to the dinner table to tighten his shoe laces. The moment had already past, he had already forgotten about it. She pouted forlornly and accepted a soft kiss on her cheek as he plugged his headphones into his ears and ran out of the door.

* * *

Nick rubbed his sweating palms on the thighs of his jeans and scrunched his eyes shut as he knocked on Jess' door. His stomach dropped as he heard her shut off her music, her small feet shuffling toward the door. As it swung open he was bummed to see her expression hadn't changed much from the night before, if anything it was more intense. He swallowed hard and cracked a smile but she didn't return it. Instead she walked back to sit on her bed, coldly leaving the door open for him to enter which he did with trepidation. He felt a strange urge to laugh at the absurdity of it all but he could clearly see that Jess was still upset with him to he decided to try and ease into it with some small talk.

"So how was the date?"

She didn't look at him, instead she sighed and rolled her eyes. "That's not what you wanna talk to me about Nick, so just spit it out."

Nick relaxed his shoulders and dropped down to sit on the end of her bed while she sat cross legged sorting through an old jewellry box.

"Look Jess I'm sorry about last night, about everything I've said in the past few weeks which seems to have somehow pissed you off."

"Nick if you don't even know why you're apologising then..."

"No, I do. I do." He touched her knee but retracted his hand quickly. "I'm sorry for making a joke about you and your date. It's nice to see you going out and having fun I just..."

"What?"

Nick scratched the back of his neck the way he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable. "I just kinda miss goofin' around with ya. I feel like we don't really hang out anymore."

Jess' face softened and she stopped what she was doing to give him her full attention. "I know I guess I've just been busy and you've been away a lot so..."

"Well, I was thinking that, if you're not busy, maybe we could spend the day together. Go out for lunch or go to the zoo or something."

Jess laughed quietly and nodded with warm eyes. "That sounds nice."

An hour later Nick sat on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees as he waited for Jess to finish getting ready. He couldn't help but smile as she turned the corner in a pink sundress that made her look impossibly cute and her hair tied back in a ponytail that bounced jauntily as she walked over to him. He hunched his shoulders and rammed his hands into his pockets as he smiled. Why did it suddenly feel like they were headed out on a first date?

Nick had no plan but that ended up being kind of nice. There was nowhere they had to be, no rush, no pressure. They just roamed leisurely from place to place talking and laughing more than they had in months. It always came so easily with Jess, when they weren't fighting that was. He could be weird and spout whatever random thoughts were in his head and he was either met with like minded agreement or hearty laughter. As they walked down the street he glanced across to look at her and he could feel his shoulders relax in relief that she was talking to him, really talking to him. He smiled as she confided in him and tried hard to ignore the strange light feeling in his chest when she informed him Dylan was a lost cause and she wouldn't be seeing him again. He didn't need to read too much into it, it was just a residual reaction from when they were dating. Nothing more than that.

When he was with Reagan their time was always limited and he would often feel like they should be doing things to make the most of those few days. He would feel guilty when they would just sit alone together in her hotel room because he always got the feeling she wanted to be out doing more. He had to admit it was nice just to be with Jess and know that they were both perfectly content just sitting in the park with an ice cream watching the world go by. Ascribing funny characters to each person that walked by for their own entertainment and telling silly stories about themselves. They had done a couple of laps of the park to pick the perfect spot, half under a tree so Jess could be in the shade and half in the sun so Nick could get his vitamin D. Jess balled up her cardigan and kindly donated her tote bag to Nick as a pillow so they could both lay down next to one another. They used to do it a lot when they were dating when they wanted some time alone away from the other guys in the loft. Neither of them commented on that but they both remembered.

Nick could feel his phone vibrating in the pocket of his jeans but he didn't want to break the moment with Jess. They were having the most fun they'd had in a long time without even doing much at all but it felt delicate. He was sure that if he so much as moved his big toe she would stand up and tell him it was time to go home so he let it ring out. He knew in his heart it was Reagan but he let it ring out. He would call her back later.

* * *

Reagan stared at her phone with a small frown as she made sure it was Nick's number that she just dialled. It wasn't like him not to answer. Even when he was working he always picked up her calls. She began to stuff it back in her bag as Terri returned to the table but she was busted. Terri smiled and shook her head as she sat down, placing her napkin back in her lap as she resumed eating lunch.

"Let me guess the boyfriend? What did he have to say for himself." She smiled, shoving a forkful of pancakes into her mouth making Reagan grimace even more as the corners of her mouth became laden with syrup.

"Nothing he didn't answer." She said grumpily as she picked her fork back up stabbing it into her bacon.

"Uh oh trouble in paradise?"

"No, not at all. So he didn't pick up it's no big deal." Reagan sliced her bacon aggressively.

"Not to a normal person no, but you seem a little upset about it. What gives?"

"Nothing."

"Reagan, don't make me force it out of you."

There was a long silence as Reagan considered whether or not to air her problems with someone who wasn't exactly known for keeping things to herself. But Reagan's life wasn't exactly overflowing with close confidants and seeing as it wasn't really something she could discuss with Nick maybe Terri was her best option to get it off her chest and deal with it so she could be told she was being ridiculous and move on. Reagan set down her knife and fork and dabbed the corners of her mouth, talking a large gulp of her bloody mary before she began.

"Ok, remember that girl you dated after me, Amanda?"

Terri grimaced and reared her head back in revulsion. "Oh yeah, oh god what a mess..." Terri looked up, widening her eyes in realisation. "...oh."

Reagan paused as she watched the cogs turning in Terri's head. "Yeah, that." Reagan replied to Terri's unasked question.

"There's a " _best friend"_ on the scene?" Terri wiggled her fingers into air quotes.

"Something like that yeah."

"Is she into him?"

"They used to date."

"Hmmmm." Terri replied trying to avoid giving Reagan the pitiful look that she could feel creeping across her face.

"And they still live together." Reagan continued. "I mean not just the two of them, there's three other people but...yeah."

"Ok." Terri nodded slowly and Reagan knew she was considering how to take the most sensitive approach but it wasn't Terri's strong point. "Oh honey...it's no good you gotta get out."

"What?! No, I like him."

"But you don't love him."

Reagan reared her head back in surprise. "What makes you say that?"

"I know these things." Terri Shrugged and tucked back into her food but the conversation was far from over.

"Terri!"

"What? I just call em' like a see em'."

"I really care about him." Reagan objected with her hand over her heart in a mark of sincerity.

"I never said you didn't."

"You did you said..."

"No." Terri interrupted and then paused. "I said you didn't love him and you little missy, didn't tell me that I was wrong."

* * *

The pinkness of dusk started to creep into the sky and there was still a pleasant warmth that stopped Nick and Jess from wanting to go home. That, and the fact Jess had managed to sneak some wine into the park which they were drinking out of plastic cups, getting steadily tipsy like a couple of teenagers. Jess was doing that kind of hysterical laughter she only did when she was starting to get drunk, where no real sound came out until it was time to suck in a breath. She rested her forehead on his shoulder for a second as the giggles overcame her and his eyes creased into a smile as he watched her and the scent of her hair floated in his face. They sat cross legged facing each other like they were on a sleepover and it was the most fun Jess had had in a long, long time. She never wanted to leave, she wanted to stay in this little bubble of fun they had created in the park where Nick was just hers and she didn't have to share him with anyone.

His face was soft with happiness and she longed to touch his cheek so she kept her fingers firmly clasped around her plastic cup to stop herself. It would have been so easy, just so easy to lean forward, close the gap of a few inches and just kiss him. His lips were right there and the setting sun shone on his face making him look achingly handsome, the wine making his mouth wet and tempting after every mouthful. But for now she would just make do with his company because even that made her insides warm and her mind calm. As he leaned across her to grab some more wine she felt his arm brush against hers and that was the ninth time he had touched her that day. Yes, she was back to keeping count like some obsessive, lovestruck teenager. But those moments were hard to ignore, they made every tiny hair stand on end as the goosebumps set in. Seeing her shiver and suck in a small breath he rubbed the tops of her arms with his hands.

"You cold? You wanna go."

"No." She offered a little too enthusiastically. "I mean this is fun. I don't want to go just yet."

Nick smiled and topped up her wine which was now remarkably tepid and yet for some reason tasted like the best drink she had ever had. "You know it's nice to spend time with you. Actual time, like more than ten minutes without us annoying each other." Nick said without meeting her eyes.

"You don't annoy me Nick." She replied, gently tilting her head.

"I do a little." He pinched his finger and thumb together to make a tiny gap.

"Ok a little, but I annoy you too sometimes so we're even."

"I guess we're squared away." He tapped his glass against hers.

Jess giggled and took a sip of her wine but her face dropped as Nick pulled his phone from his pocket, smiled, typed a quick message and put it away. It was the fates reminding her that this gravitational pull she was feeling toward him, the butterflies, all of it, it was all an illusion because they would go home and he would go back to Reagan and nothing would change. He would continue to slip further away and days like these would become fewer and further between. They would become something they did once a year just to try and prove to themselves there were still as close as they'd always been. There would be no romance, no love, no kiss at the end of the night. That would all be saved for Reagan. She saw him look back at her, his face still smiling, still keen to continue the mood they had created but she couldn't help herself, she needed to know. She needed to hear the words to instill some sense into her no matter how brutal it might be.

"Nick can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

There was a long pause as she considered changing her mind. "Are you in love with Reagan?"

Nick eyes widened and he suddenly squirmed, his face not showing the sweet embarrassment or cute coyness she expected but rather discomfort, with a hint of annoyance even.

"Um..." Nick stuttered.

"Do you?"

"Jeez I don't know Jess, I mean these things take time."

"You've been together six months."

"Yeah I know but...it's different with her...it's different to..."

Jess could see a look of quiet panic as his eyes locked with hers. They held for a moment, long enough for Jess' heart to start beating faster in her chest. Her eyes flickering to his lips for the briefest of moments and his to hers.

"Nick?"

Nick broke his gaze and threw back the rest of his wine, crushing the plastic cup and standing on his feet. "You know it's getting late, I think we should probably head home." He held out his hand to help her up, looking down with a smile so she wouldn't notice his discomfort.

"Oh, ok." Jess looked up sadly. Tipping the rest of her wine into the grass and throwing her cardigan around her shoulders she stood. Nick reached out and gently hung her bag over her shoulder, running his fingertips down her arm for just a moment. His eyes locked with hers once again and she searched them desperately but he turned away, walking a step ahead as they headed back to the loft.


	8. Chapter 8

As Nick clicked his watch around his wrist he stared at the unopened box of condoms glaring up at him from his nightstand. It was the first night since they had left for New Orleans that they hadn't had sex and it was for no other reason than simply neither of them had wanted to. Sure she was tired after her flight but that had never stopped her before and he'd had a couple of beers at dinner but if anything that had been known to improve his performance. It happened in all relationships eventually, Nick knew that, he just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. As Reagan showered he stared down at her bag on the floor, she didn't seem to have brought as much stuff with her as she usually did. She hadn't unpacked either which was unusual. She was a master at unpacking from all those years moving from hotel to hotel, she could make a place her own in five minutes flat with just a few strategically placed items. She had reserved spots in his drawers and closet the first time she'd visited and it had been that way ever since, but not this time. He pouted and shrugged to himself. She had just been tired, she'd told him that enough times the night before. It was no big deal.

Looking in the mirror he raked his fingers over his cheeks and considered a shave but his scruff was just at the level he liked it so he decided against it. His girlfriend hadn't made any objections to it so that made it ok. Reagan soon reappeared from the bathroom wrapped in a towel with her wet hair hanging over one shoulder and droplets running down her arms. Nick smiled the way he always did when he saw her in such a state of undress and snaked his arms around her waist bringing her in for a kiss. Just as he began to get into it he heard her mumble against his lips. Opening his eyes he found hers already wide open and peering over his shoulder.

"Huh?" He asked, his face still tantalisingly close to hers, his bottom lip catching on hers before she pulled away a little.

"I said what's that?"

"What's what?" He said breathlessly as his eyes tried to follow where she was looking.

"That thing under your desk?"

"Oh that, it's a pile of yarn. Jess' cast offs of course. She'd kill me if I used her good stuff."

"Yeah but what is it there for?"

"I'm making a hammock for the roof garden."

Reagan reared her head back a little and squinted her eyes in confusion, her grip on his biceps loosening. "You're making a hammock?"

"Uh huh." Nick smiled proudly before trying to go in for another kiss which was rebuffed. Reagan wasn't done with her questions it seemed.

"You're making a hammock...out of yarn?" She asked again not really expecting any kind of answer that made sense to her.

"Yeah."

"So this is like another tree house kinda thing?"

"Sorta."

Reagan paused and eased herself out of his embrace. "So that wasn't just a one off, you actually do this stuff, like a lot?"

Nick shrugged. "Well I have a lot of free time during the day I like to keep myself busy while the other guys are at work. It's just a bit of fun."

Reagan nodded with a false smile and gently peeled his hands from around her waist. Looking at the change in her face, Nick wasn't sure it was an expression that he liked. He had spent months telling himself he was good enough for Reagan and so had his friends, even Jess, but every now and again she would say or do something that would make those doubts resurface. He had been lulled into security by her words of affection and looks of adoration which he had no doubt were genuine, but sometimes there was a look that was hard to read, it was a fleeting moment of seeming like she didn't truly understand him or who he really was. Then a moment later it was back to normal. Usually he would just forget about it but that was getting harder the more she did it.

The feelings of lust when she had walked through the door in her towel started to fade. The moment started to pass as he watched her pull on her jeans and comb the knots out of her wet hair. Collapsing on his bed he resigned to the fact that it may just be a sexless weekend and resting his hands behind his head he settled for just watching her. As she began to apply her makeup in the mirror she could see him looking her as she turned to smile at him revelling as his eyes dropped to her bra. Sitting on the bed she leaned over him just enough so her chest danced lightly over his, her knees pushing gently against his crotch as she offered him a long kiss. He tried to pull her down on to the bed but she backed away again. Smacking his chest playfully she pushed him away and stood up again.

"I gotta get ready, I'm meeting my cousin for lunch."

Nick lips followed her phantom kiss for a second before he dropped back against his bed, readjusting the groin of his pants. Usually he would have been a little more persistent but he decided just to let it slide.

* * *

An hour later Reagan was out at lunch and Nick was trying in vain to entertain himself. He could hear the gentle, muffled sound of music coming from Jess' room as he paced slowly by her door. Pausing, he stared down at the floor and wiggled his bare toes as he thought for a moment before pacing by her room again the other way. She was probably working, that's why she locked herself away all afternoon. He had a moment of nervous that she was avoiding him again but he shook it off, they had been getting along so well lately. Besides he'd seen her pull some early mornings and late nights recently so work must have been intensifying as the semester went on.

He probably shouldn't disturb her, he thought to himself as he walk by her room one more time with the intention of walking straight to the couch to watch a movie. Again he stopped. Jess always had her bedroom door open, unless she was getting changed or sleeping it was always open, even if it was just a tiny bit. He supposed she always wanted people to feel welcome in her bedroom, that was just Jess. But there was something about her closed bedroom door that always made him want to go inside, always made him want to know what she was doing. The music, her phone beeping, the sound of her sneezing all made him want to go in and talk to her.

"Come in Nick." He heard her shout and it startled him. He froze for a second before sheepishly opening her door, poking his head round the side with a shy smile.

"Hey."

"Hi." She smiled chipperly "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you loitering?" She giggled.

"I wasn't." He paused as she raised her eyebrows at him. "Ok I was." His walked over and settled himself on the bed next to her making himself comfortable as he crossed one leg over the other and rested his hands behind his head. "Whatcha doin?" He questioned playfully.

"Searching for a gift. My Dad's birthday is coming up. Hey you can help, what do grumpy old men like for their birthday?"

"Very funny."

"I thought so." She shrugged and turned back to her laptop screen with a proud smile. "So where's Reagan?" She noticed Nick's face fall just the tiniest bit at her question.

"She's out at lunch with her cousin."

"You didn't wanna go?"

"Nah, she didn't invite me, we haven't really discussed the whole meeting the family thing yet. I got the feeling she wanted some girl time."

"Everything ok?"

"I guess."

Jess closed the lid on her laptop and turned her whole body to face him trying to stifle any kind of curious smile that might try and happen across her mouth. It felt strange to turn around in her bed and see him there. It felt strange because it didn't feel strange. After all the time that had passed it still sort of felt like his spot. She watched him play with his fingers, the way he always did when he was feeling contemplative. He wanted to talk, she could see it in his face, she just needed to give him a minute or two without pressure and then it would start to flow. That's the way it usually went.

"Ok what's up?" She prodded with care.

He looked up into her eyes that always seem to draw the words out of him. "Do you think I'm weird Jess."

"Well...yeah. But I think I'm weird too." She giggled and nudged his arm. "Come on what's going on?"

"Reagan thinks my hammock is stupid, she thought the tree house was stupid, I'm pretty sure she just thinks I'm stupid sometimes."

Jess' face fell a little more serious. "You're not stupid Nick. You know that. You passed the bar for christ sakes."

Nick shook his head and let out a nervous laugh in a moment of disbelief. "You know I don't even think I've told her that."

"What do you guys talk about then?" Jess giggled but Nick was no longer smiling. She could see him starting to go into his own head the way he did when he was overthinking everything or feeling insecure about something. The worry lines in his forehead deepened as he sat pensively.

"I sometimes wonder that." He smiled sadly. "I mean we talk about stuff and we laugh but it's different. I can't talk to her the same way I could talk to you."

Jess' eyes widened at his boldness, she hadn't expected him to be so frank nor had she consider the fact that Nick would still draw comparisons to her. She had hoped of course but never really believed it would be true. He was dating Reagan after all, not a woman one would traditionally want to be compared to. She wasn't sure whether or not to acknowledge what he'd said or how to go about it if she did. "Well..." She heard a slight shaking in her voice and coughed into her clenched hand. "We've known each other a lot longer Nick."

"I know that. I guess it was easy to take for granted what we had. I assumed I would have that with other girls too."

"Nick..." She prodded wanting more from him but it was too late. She saw his face change, he was going to change the subject and move on. She wasn't going to get any more that what he had surprisingly told her. In true Nick Miller style he had pulled the rug from under her and she was left speechless. She hadn't experienced it in a long time and she had forgotten how much it knocked the wind out of her in the best possible way. She wanted, no, she needed to know what he meant by that but the whole mood of the conversation began to change as he sat upright on the bed and laughed at himself, shaking his head dismissively.

"Sorry I don't mean to get intense. Things are just a little weird with Reagan but it'll be fine. I just need to do something for her, something fun so we can both relax."

Jess smiled weakly and nodded in reluctant agreement. Her eyes fixed to the window, feeling the bed dip as he jumped of it and walk behind her towards the door.

"Thanks Jess." He hollered on his way out.

She had no idea what he was thanking her for. "No problem." She waved her hand at him without turning around.

* * *

Jess heard Nick traipsing from his bedroom out of the loft and rattling up the fire escape stairs for the fifth time in the last forty minutes. He was definitely up to something. With crashing and banging and a few choice curse words she knew it was something she would need to go and check out, even if it was just to make sure he still had all of his fingers and toes. Making a detour to the fridge she pulled out a six pack, shuffled on her pumps that lay next to the door and made her way up to the roof. Blowing her fringe out of her eyes and nudging the door with her elbow she found Nick creating what could only be described as a makeshift garden, with flowers and lights and proudly featuring his yarn hammock which looked cute but dangerously unstable. Any other guy would have been trying to prove a point, just trying to prove Reagan wrong but not Nick. Nick was just trying to do something creative and sweet. He had no idea just how much of a rarity he was among guys and it was one of the many reasons she loved him. She smiled as she heard him curse to himself, trying to untangle small fairy lights knotted up in his hands.

"Hey." She said with an unplanned giggle.

He turned looking exasperated and shook the lights out of his hands vigorously. "Hey."

"What are you doing?" She handed him a cold beer.

"Thanks. Um, I'm trying to be romantic I think, I'm not sure it's working. It looked a lot different in my head."

"No I see it, I see it. Like roof garden, paradise, eden thing right?"

"I guess yeah. It's stupid isn't it? I just wanted to so something fun."

Jess looked at him lovingly. "No it's not stupid at all Nick. It's really sweet." They exchanged a look before Jess realised she was gazing and snapped herself out of it. "It looks good. I think you need a little help though."

"Jess you don't have to it's fine. It's not really going according to plan anyway."

"Well that's not the spirit is it? Here give me those lights."

She had no idea what she was doing. Helping Nick to create a romantic evening for Reagan wasn't exactly high on her list of priorities and yet here she was. She would find herself agreeing to these things, even suggesting them just for the sake of spending half an hour alone with him. Man she was desperate. She wished she thought things through a little more sometimes. As she shook her head to herself Nick mistook it for mild exasperation at the mess he was creating and he smiled warmly. His eyes twinkled at her as she sat down on the folding chair and began to help him in his strange, ill-advised little conquest to woo Regan, or make her laugh, or bring the fun back. Whatever it was he was trying to achieve with all of this.

He watched Jess, uninterrupted for a few moments and became distracted from what he was doing. It never failed to surprise him that Jess was always so willing to come along with him on his crazy, spur of the moment ideas. She never asked questions or cast doubts, she would just come along for the ride with him every time. He smiled to himself for several minutes before she told him to quit staring and get back to work. He arranged a few flower pots and laid out some food and a couple of wine glasses. In his mind it would remind Reagan off all those nights eating and drinking outside in the warm evening air of New Orleans but it reality they were on the roof of the loft and he wasn't entirely sure which of those two views Reagan would take. But there was a feeling in his gut that he had to try and do something to liven things up between them, to recapture something, which was a feeling he never thought he would have with someone like Reagan. Naturally, whenever doubts or insecurities raised their head, whenever he needed emotional support in any way at all, no matter how big or small, there was Jess.

The second something started to go wrong in his life, no matter how inconsequential it may seem, she would show up to help him fix it. It had been like that ever since they met. She would be there if he needed someone to talk to, someone to listen or just someone to sit next to, hell she would even be there if he needed someone to yell at which had become a strange release for both of them in their relationship. It was a sixth sense between them for sure, like some sort of homing beacon that only the two of them could hear and it was oddly comforting.

With Jess' involvement his idea had started to take much better shape. It was so close to being done he permitted himself a small rest and sat on one of the cushions on the floor, cracking open his third bottle of beer. He chuckled to himself as he watched Jess balance precariously on a chair winding lights around a makeshift garden pole. Five minutes later he found himself still staring. He noticed she was wearing a little red t-shirt that had something about Wonder Woman on the front and small black shorts, the kind that used to make him lose his mind when they were dating...and when they weren't. The muscles in her her calves flexed as she balanced carefully and her hair swished about her shoulders as she moved. He shouldn't be looking, he knew that, but still his eyes fixed. He forgot to swallow the beer he was holding languidly in his mouth, letting it warm on his tongue. He blinked and jerked suddenly as Jess coughed loudly and raised one eyebrow at him. _Shit_ , he thought to himself.

"Were you checking out my butt Miller."

"No! No. I was looking...at the lights to see if they were...I was just looking at the lights?"

She narrowed her eyes with a grin and a shaming head shake, playing it cool when really she was bursting inside. It felt good to have him look at her like that again. It had been a long time. Jumping down off the chair she smiled as he ran his hand over his cheeks trying to hide the crimson glow that had suddenly appeared on them. He was cute when he was flustered. He was even cuter when he was flustered over her. She stood with her hand on her hip, jutting her butt out to the side just a little, suddenly emboldened by his lustful stares. But as she looked around at the perfect little haven she had helped to create she realised their work was done. She had hung every last twinkling light purely for Reagan's enjoyment just so she could spend time with him but the end product wasn't meant for her her. Picking up her half drunk beer she smiled at him.

"I guess I'll leave you to it."

"No wait." He reached up from the bean bag and grabbed her hand. "Stay. Have another drink with me."

"Reagan will be back soon."

"So, she can join us."

Jess looked towards the door like she half expected Reagan to walk through in there and then. Looking back at Nick she sucked in an indecisive breath and gritted her teeth to keep from beaming at him and the fact that he wanted to spend more time with her. "Ok." She crossed one leg over the other and dropped down to the cushion on the floor to meet him. "Just one more drink."

* * *

The warm breeze tickled her skin as they sat together. The evening had started to draw in and the sky was turning burnt orange, the little lights around them giving it a magical look. The hammock now lay in a small heap on the floor after the had both split their sides laughing following Nick's disastrous attempt to sit in it. It was two hours later and Reagan still hadn't shown up. The snacks that Nick had prepared had now warmed in the sun and they had opened the bottle of wine to stop it from suffering the same fate. Jess knew she should have left him alone over an hour ago but they were having too much fun and he didn't seem to want her to leave. They talked about everything and nothing and Jess' heart swelled with pride everytime she made him laugh or open up to her in any way. The evening had been perfect but it was an evening that was never meant for her. It was all for Reagan and she had no place being there no matter how much she wanted to be. She waited for a natural break in the conversation before she sipped the last of her wine and rose to her feet which were now a little more tingly and unsteady. He stood up to meet her.

"Where are you goin?"

"Come on Nick, Reagan will be here any minute I don't want to spoil your evening."

"Reagan is two hours late! My evening would have sucked if you hadn't been here. We're having fun aren't we?"

"Yeah of course but...I gotta go and give you guys some time alone."

He offered her a reluctant nod and accepted the wine glass as she handed it back to him.

"Hey thanks for your help Jess and for, you know...listening. Like always."

"It's ok. Any time."

That was her cue to leave but she remained still as his eyes caught hers, locking her into place. It was a look of intense affection that teetered on the edge of something more dangerous and they could both feel it. Out of the corner of her eye she was aware of his chest heaving, then she realised hers was too. After a few moments Nick smiled to ease the sudden tension between them and she smiled back with a surprised chuckle. But suddenly his face was serious again and as a gentle breeze blew a strand of hair across her cheek she instantly felt the tips of his fingers dance across her cheek as he moved it away, tucking it softly behind her ear. He took his time as his eyes flickered down to her lips and back and she felt every nerve in her body stand on end. He let out the breath he had been holding and then suddenly he stook a step back at the sound of high heels clicking in the stairwell. Jess' smile fell and she continued to watch him as his eyes now fixed on the doorway in which Reagan had a appeared with a confused smile at what lay before her.

"What's all this?" She grinned.

"It was supposed to be like a...um I don't even know. It was supposed to be romantic."

Reagan's eyes flickered to an embarrassed Jess and then back to Nick. She saw the lights and flowers and what was left of Nick's hammock and she realised the effort he had put in but the romance of it was somewhat hampered by Jess' presence. No matter what the situation, Reagan always felt like she was interrupting something when she walked in on Nick and Jess. She surveyed the bite marks in the food and the half drunk wine and raised her eyebrows at both of them.

"Looks like you started without me."

Nick's voice was low and serious, his eyes suddenly darkened. "Yeah well you said you'd be back two hours ago."

"I'm sorry I lost track of time."

Jess could feel the discomfort growing between them but she didn't delight in it like she thought maybe she would. Instead all she could see was sadness and confusion in Nick's eyes which made her ache for him, especially after all the hard work he had gone to. But she had no place being there. As much as she wanted to know exactly what was going on between them it wasn't right for her to get in the way.

"Um I think I'm gonna go, I'll leave you guys to it."

Jess exchanged an awkward smile with Reagan as she walked by her to get to the stairs. Closing the roof door behind her Jess leaned back against it closing her eyes, taking a moment to catch her breath.

* * *

Seeing a hint of hurt in Nick's eyes Reagan set her bag on the table and walked towards him, hooking her hands around the back of his neck and pecking him on the lips, once and then twice even though he responded with little enthusiasm at first. She persisted, running her hand over his bare skin.

"I'm sorry I was late I didn't realise you had something planned."

"No, I didn't really, it's just ...we only have two days together Reagan. I just thought you would want to spend time with me."

"I do! I hadn't see my cousin in months and I swear I really did just lose track of time. Do you forgive me?" She kissed his lips again and again until she felt a smile began to crack. "Huh? Do you forgive me?"

"Yes I forgive you." He said against her lips as the kiss intensified.

He felt her press harder and harder against him with her whole body as her mouth opened wider against his. He guessed they were making up for their lack of action the night before but something felt off. The kiss itself was familiar, the way their bodies responded to each other was comforting but something felt different. Something was prodding at his brain telling him it wasn't right. He ignored it and kissed her back and his fingers tightened on her hips. His body was doing everything it was supposed to do but his head kept drifting somewhere else and suddenly he stopped the kiss. He pulled back and opened his eyes seeing her lips search for his for just a second longer before she realised he'd stopped. Reagan could see something strange in his eyes, something distant and she frowned.

"I said I was sorry Nick." She offered again.

He shooked his head and half smiled. "No I know, it's not that."

She lowered her hands from around his neck to rest on his chest. "Then what is it?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." He tightened his grasp on her again and pulled her closer. "Why don't we go to bed?"

She pushed gently against his chest as he went in for another kiss. "Wait, why don't we enjoy this little thing you've got set up here?"

"We don't have to Reagan, it was silly."

"No I want to. Let's sit and have a drink and you know...talk."

Nick smiled and followed her as she sat down at the table and poured them both what was left of the wine. He appreciated her effort but he couldn't help but feel like they had arrived at the end of the party. She laced her fingers through his across the table but it took a few moments for either one of them to talk. Eventually Reagan began to talk about her day and he listened dutifully. He noticed that she rarely looked at him when they talked anymore. She would offer a cursory glance at the end of every sentence but it was a far cry from the intense gazing when they had started dating and she used to hang on every word he said. After an hour of talking the pauses and silence between them grew longer until Reagan responded the way she usually did when the conversation ran dry and kissed him.

She had wanted to sit and talk with him for hours the way she had seen him do with Jess. She wanted to be the one to make him laugh so hard he literally had to hold his stomach but she could never seem to get the same reaction out of him anymore. Once the silence between them neared ten minutes she knew there was nothing else to do but make a move for the bedroom. Taking his hand she lowered her eyelids and cocked her smile seductively making it all seem so intentional when really she had run out of things to say to him. She led him back downstairs stopping every few moments to kiss him and touch him so by the time they reached his bedroom he would be ready to go.

As they entered the loft Reagan smiled at Jess who was sitting on the couch and pulled Nick's hand just that little bit harder. Jess peered over the top of her mug and her eyes widened but she forced a smile back. Nick let himself be pulled along but as he spotted Jess his face changed and Jess noticed. He was almost sorrowful as he looked at her with a wistful smile before disappearing behind his bedroom door.


	9. Lone Star State

Nick's mind started to reel as Reagan wiggled her way in between him and the coffee table and sat down resting her hands on either one of his knees as she lowered her head to meet his eyes which were staring off into space. At first it seemed like he was only just barely aware of her presence. She could see his brain going into overdrive and she squeezed his legs affectionately to get his attention which seemed to work.

"Dallas?" Nick questioned quietly, running his hand over his face. "Like Dallas, Texas?" He repeated.

Reagan cast her eyes up and sighed. "Yes Texas Nick. You know of another Dallas?"

Nick dropped back against the sofa cushions with a soft thud, letting Reagan's hands fall from his knees leaving her to fold her arms in silent judgment of his reaction. Raking his hands vigorously through his hair he let out a loud and long breath which seemed to go on forever before finally uttering another word.

"Ok. It feels kinda sudden but, ok."

"I mean we knew this was coming Nick. " Reagan tried to reason. "It's not that much different to me being in San Francisco."

After collecting his thoughts as much as his brain would allow him, Nick finally looked at her "We won't even be in the same state anymore."

"Well no but..."

"Dallas is a three hour flight away." He continued as he worked through all the logistics in his mind.

"It's not that bad Nick."

Nick took another pause as he continued to process the news and how he felt about it. Yes he knew it was coming but that didn't make the delivery of the news any more comfortable or easy to swallow. Not only would it change the dynamic of their relationship but each move she made would bring them to an inevitable milestone in their relationship whether they were ready for it or not. There would always be a decision to be made as to whether or not they were going to continue with what they were doing and the way they were doing it. He looked at Reagan who didn't seem quite her cool and calm self. She seemed almost agitated, there was something in her eyes that told him she was no more ready for this news than he was.

"So what do we do now?"

"We carry on as normal I guess. I can still come here, you can come to texas every couple of weeks or..."

Nick waited as she hung on her last word "Or what?"

She hesitated and took hold of one of his hands. "Or you could just come to Texas?"

Nick's heart stopped. "What do you mean?""

"Come to Dallas with me. Period."

"You mean like New Orleans all over again?"

"Kinda yeah. Then we can just, I don't know, see what happens."

The thoughts in Nick's head started to run at a thousand miles and hour as his heart sped up. "Reagan I..."

She held a hand up to his mouth to quiet him before he could go any further. "I'm not looking for an answer right now Nick. It's just...something to think about." Reagan stood up. "There's no harm in you coming for a week or so to start with right?"

Nick gulped hard. "When are you leaving?"

"Monday. My travel agent will be booking the flights today so I can get him to sort out yours too. You can get the time off work, right Mr Boss Man?" She walked by him running her hand through his hair as she headed into the kitchen, leaving him completely lost for words.

* * *

Leaving Cece and Jess alone to grab some lunch Schmidt kissed his wife goodbye and headed back to his car, delicately cradling his new purchases from the mall earlier that day. He could tell when Cece and Jess needed some alone girl time. Cece had a special look for it, actually she had a lot of looks for a lot of things, but a tilt of the head, a bite of the lower lip and a gentle squint of the eye meant it was was time for him to scram. He had become well attuned to it, especially lately as it seemed to be happening a lot more often. At first he thought he was just being paranoid, he was so used to having his new wife to himself so any time apart felt strange at first, but not any more. Now he was positive something was going on with Cece and Jess. He wasn't going to push for information and gossip the way he used to, that was one of his traits that aggravated Cece to no end. She would tell him when she was ready, that he was sure of.

The traffic was reasonably clear for a Saturday afternoon and he was home in fifteen minutes, which meant he could try on his new outfits again as soon as possible. That new clothes smell, the scent of untouched , unsullied material only lasted so long and he liked to savour it. But it seemed his plans weren't meant to be as he found a perplexed look Nick sitting on his bed, apparently waiting for him to come home.

"Nick what in the world?" Schmidt's heart had jumped into his throat.

Nick stood up with wide eyes, inexplicably breathless. "Hey."

Schmidt narrowed his eyes at the sight before him. He had become so accustomed to the cool and calm Nick of late that frantic, wide-eyed Nick was a little unsettling, especially on what had been a relaxing Saturday afternoon.

"Jeez Nick you look like you're about to tell me you just sat on Furguson." Schmidt pressed his hand to his chest in concern. "You didn't did you?"

Nick breezed past his comment and took a step toward him. "I need to talk to you."

"Okaaay." Schmidt set his bags down in trepidation and waited.

Nick wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and swallowed hard. "Reagan is moving to Dallas."

Schmidt nodded his head slowly, secretly glad that it wasn't something more serious even though he could see that it clearly had Nick extremely vexed.

"Oh. Ok." Schmidt spoke in his most soothing voice. "Well I mean you guys knew this was gonna happen. Does it actually change anything? I mean you still have to do the whole long distance thing anyway right?"

"She asked me to go with her again." Nick spat quickly and nervously.

"Leave L.A. again? For how long?"

"I don't know. She just asked me to go...like just go."

Schmidt's expression clouded over as he pulled his head back. Things were more serious than he thought and Nick's demeanour suddenly made perfect sense. "For good?" Schmidt questioned cautiously, dreading the answer.

"I don't know!"

"Well are you thinking about it?"

Nick dropped back down to sit on Schmidt's bed, his hands held out in hopeless desperation. "Yes I'm thinking about it! All I've done is think about it for the last three hours and my mind is just blank!" Nick closed his eyes for a moment and his voice softened. "The first time she asked me to go away with her to New Orleans I was so excited, I couldn't wait to go and spend all that time with her but now..."

"Yeah?" Schmidt prodded as he came to sit next to his best friend.

"Schmidt I'm terrified."

Schmidt rested a hand on Nick's shoulder in comfort. "Ok so just tell her it's too soon, tell her you're happy with the way things are just travelling back and forth."

"What if she hates me for it."

"She won't hate you."

"But this decision has to made eventually right. Whether to go with her permanently or whether she moves here. I mean we can't keep doing what we're doing forever."

"I guess not but that decision doesn't need to be made right now." Schmidt fanned Nick's face. "Nick you're freaking out just take a breath."

"You're right I'm freaking out. I don't know why. Something just feels...weird."

* * *

Later that evening during a quiet moment, Cece leaned against the bar taking a moment to watch the whirlwind that was Nick Miller. She watched him fly from one task to the next without really finishing anything properly. She saw him clean the same surface of the bar three times over and clear away glasses like a madman the second someone had finished their last drop, almost swiping it away from their mouth. As he shuffled around nervously and scratched the back of his neck until it was almost red raw he was anxiety personified and it had Cece steadily worried and fascinated in equal measure.

Of course she had already asked him several times if he was ok to which she had received a moody mumble in return. She'd had no choice but to accept it as a yes and back off which is exactly what he seemed to want her to do. There was no Reagan around to quiz although Cece suspected Reagan was probably the cause of this weird behaviour anyway so she waited patiently for her husband to show up at the bar to get more answers.

Schmidt showed up right on eight o'clock, punctual as always. Cece noticed him look immediately at Nick the way a father carefully monitors a small child to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. Schmidt didn't seem as surprised as Cece at Nick's sombre mood, in fact he looked like he was bracing himself for it. Spotting Cece he turned on his megawatt smile and made his way to the bar. He leaned his palms flat on the wooden surface and propped himself up to kiss his wife. She grabbed his face and returned it willingly. Nick was way too into his own head to even notice his best friend's arrival at first.

"Ok babe, what the hell is up with Nick? He had been in _the_ worst mood since he got here."

Schmidt looked at Nick and then motioned for Cece to move further around the bar, out of Nick's earshot. Cece was now even more intrigued.

"Reagan is moving to Dallas. She asked Nick to go with her."

Cece's heart sunk as she looked back over at Nick and quickly weighed up what it all meant. "Is he going?"

"I don't know. He's thinking about it but it's got him pretty freaked out."

"Does Reagan know he's freaking out?"

"I don't think so. She's out getting their flights and hotel booked as we speak."

"So he _is_ going then?"

"He's definitely going for the first couple of weeks. What comes after that...?" Schmidt shrugged forlornly, not really wanting to acknowledge what came after.

Nerves started to squirm around in Cece's belly as she listened to Schmidt talk. She knew that she was either going to have to break the news to Jess herself or pick up the pieces afterwards, maybe both. Cece knew exactly what Jess was going through and that no matter how brave Jess was being, no matter how much she supported Nick and played nice with Reagan she would always be hoping for that bump in the road that would knock them of course. Not that she wanted Nick to be alone or unhappy, never. It was just self-preservation to be hopeful for something that would take the pain away, it was human nature. Cece could picture the look on Jess' face when she found out Nick was leaving again and it made her heart break at the thought. Maybe if Nick knew it would change things this time. They had been close over the past couple of months, very close. Maybe now was the time for him to know. Maybe if Cece just "accidentally" let it slip to Schmidt it would solve the problem. Leaning over the bar she grabbed his hands, took a deep breath and lowered her voice.

"Hey Schmidt?"

"Yeah?"

But just as the words made their way to the tip of Cece's tongue she could see Jess making her way to the bar and the moment was gone. Schmidt continued to stare at Cece expectantly until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder as Jess cheerfully hopped up on to the stool next to him. He narrowed his eyes quizzically at Cece as she pulled her hands away from his and smiled overenthusiastically at Jess. Oh there was definitely something going on. Now he was sure of it.

Jess looked happy, relaxed even, which made Cece feel even worse as she passed her what she was sure would be a much needed glass of wine. She glanced sideways at Nick, hoping that he would keep his distance for a little bit longer so Cece could prepare herself and Jess to deal with what was coming. But as soon as he spotted Jess he was over in seconds, that damn gravitational pull never took a moment's rest.

Nick jammed his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders up close to his neck, offering a weak smile to Jess as he walked over. Her expression immediately told him that he was already behaving strangely, despite his efforts, and he'd only been in her company for five seconds. He could never get anything past her. He knew he was going to have to talk to her but he had to find the right time. These things always felt a little bit more delicate with Jess and a quiet, private place was required. He knew she would be supportive, she had been right from the start of his relationship with Reagan but for some reason he felt insanely nervous and unsure about the latest development and what Jess was going to say about it and boy was it showing on every part of his body.

"You ok Nick?" She giggled.

"Yeah, you?"

She screwed her face up at him with a smile. "Yeah I'm fine." She chuckled. "You're being weird." Her voice echoed into her wine glass.

"Am I?" He shrugged and laughed nervously chastising himself internally for not being able to get his shit together in front of her. What the hell was wrong with him?

Schmidt and Cece looked on like spectators of a slowly unfolding car crash which was on a collision course with a third vehicle as Reagan appeared beside Jess from out of nowhere. Nick's discomfort visibly grew as Reagan kissed him across the bar, with Jess turning away the same way one turns away from a doctor's needle going into their arm. Cece tried to get Jess' attention, to somehow warn her with just a look and give her a fighting chance before she was blindsided by Nick and Reagan but Jess was too busy distracting herself from their amorous activities that she wasn't paying attention.

"So I got the tickets." Reagan announced cautiously, her eyes immediately turning to Jess to monitor her reaction and then back to Nick. The silence was palpable and the quiet desperation on Nick's face as he watched confusion on Jess' face turn to realisation wasn't lost on Reagan.

Nick gulped and nodded, forcing a smile. "Great. That's...great."

"You guys going somewhere?" Jess asked with sad eyes and a heavy heart, knowing the answer already.

"I have a new position in Dallas, Nick and I are flying out there on Monday." Reagan said proudly waiting for the slightest hint of a reaction on Jess' face just to prove she wasn't going crazy, that she wasn't imagining things, but Jess held it together under the scrutiny, she'd had a lot of practice.

"Just for a couple of weeks." Nick interjected trying to catch Jess' eyes and make her understand. He pleaded inside for her to look at him but she couldn't, she wouldn't

"Maybe longer." Reagan reached for Nick's hand and held it tight. "If it goes well...right babe?"

Nick bit his lips into his mouth and nodded. Reagan could feel the tension but she chose to ignore it. They wouldn't have to deal with it for that much longer, that much she knew. Walking away from the hand grenade she'd just thrown she disappeared to the bathroom. Leaving Nick to deal with Jess. Nick stepped right in front of her, leaning over the bar and demanding her attention.

"I was gonna tell you Jess."

"It's ok." Jess shook her head and turned her mouth down casually, pretending she didn't care.

"It's all happened quickly...very quickly."

"You don't have to explain Nick. It's your relationship, it's fine. I'm happy for you."

Nick narrowed his eyes feeling hurt by her dismissiveness over something so huge. "You are?"

"Yeah Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know I just thought you might have a little more to say."

Jess shrugged trying to be nonchalant. "Nope."

Nick frowned. "Well...ok then. I'm glad this has no effect on you." He stared at Jess but she still refused to look at him. "Guess I'll get back to work."

* * *

In the early hours of the morning after Nick had showered off his shift at the bar, he threw on some shorts and a t-shirt and crawled into bed, a little relieved that Reagan was already asleep. He could see her packed bag on the floor and knowing that he would be doing the same thing the following day made his stomach churn with nerves. He looked to his right to see Reagan unmoved. Usually she would roll over as soon as she felt his weight in the bed and snuggle into him, a lot of the time that would lead to more but tonight she stayed sound asleep where she was. Their relationship had changed a lot from when they first got together and it had become harder to define. It was unclear what they wanted or needed from each other now. Maybe the trip away to Dallas together would help them figure that out and put it right. Maybe it wouldn't. Surely he at least owed it to their relationship to give it a shot. He owed it to her. She deserved for him to try his hardest and maybe some time away would get them over this bump in the road and everything would be amazing. Maybe.

As he listened to her breathe steadily in and out it drew attention to just how wide awake he was. He tried to shut all thoughts out of his head and close his eyes but it was no use. Something was plaguing him and sleep seemed impossible. He knew there was only one way to put his mind at rest and with that he gently tossed back the covers, eased himself out of the bed and disappeared quietly into the hallway.

Just as Jess' eyes finally began to close she heard a gentle tap on her door. She knew it was him. Pushing herself upright she watched his shadow emerge through the doorway and close the door softly behind him. Padding over to her bed without a word he sat down a small distance away from her. She could see his shoulders rise and fall quickly in the darkness as he waited to speak. There was a slight twinkle in the whites of his eyes when they caught the light, enough to let her know he was looking right at her. She didn't even need to see it to be honest, she could feel it. The weight of his body on her bed, the way his thigh touched her leg, even through the covers had set her heart pounding. Something about the two of them there in the silent darkness together felt elicit, wanto, thrilling. She knew nothing was going to happen but there was still a shiver down her spine and a stirring between her legs at the thought. She felt him shift and move a tiny bit closer before he broke the quiet with a soft whisper.

"What should I do Jess?"

She waited for a moment as a lump formed in her throat at the hopeful pleading in his voice.

"I can't answer that Nick."

"Please I want you to." He pleaded. "I want you to answer it Jess."

"Why?"

"I just...I need to know..."

"Need to know what?"

"What you feel about it all, if you think I should leave?"

"Do you want to leave?"

"I just...I don't know."

Jess could almost hear the turmoil in his head and she ached for him. She moved her hand along the bed wanting desperately to reach for his but his bare skin on hers wasn't something she could deal with in that moment. She wasn't sure she would be able to control her actions if she touched him. But somehow, sensing her fingers search for his, he found them and held them tight. He held her hand for a long time, his thumb moving idly across her skin with no other words being spoken before he kissed her softly on the cheek, making her eyes drift closed and her heart yearn before he disappeared out the door.

* * *

As Jess held her mug in both hands and sipped her coffee she could hear Reagan flying round in the background and gathering up the last of her things, giving Nick firm instructions as to what time he needed to be at the airport on Monday for them to be able to meet up in Dallas. She could hear Reagan's voice going at a thousand miles an hour but she had heard little in response from Nick who simply followed her around looking a little lost. Neither of them had mentioned the night before or that he had come to her in the dark of night seeking her support, advice or approval, whatever it was he had needed from her in that moment.

As they finally left to go and grab some breakfast before Reagan's departure, Jess let out a shaky breath she had been holding and rested her head in her hands trying hard not to cry. Trying not to cry had just become her natural disposition. She was learning to accept it. Swallowing hard she picked up her coffee and began to poke at her pancakes again which had suddenly become a lot less appetising. She half smiled as she saw Cece come from her bedroom, tying the belt on her robe and piling her hair on top of her head in a messy. She instantly took a seat next to Jess and took a hold of her hand. Jess smiled and wordlessly poured her best friend a cup of coffee.

"How you doing?" Cece asked trying to avoid the pity face that Jess hated.

Jess simply shrugged and screwed up her face. There were no words anymore.

"You can't just let him leave again Jess?"

Jess shook her head. "Why not? The fact that we're here even talking about him leaving with Reagan _again_ shows how far they've come. I have no effect on the decisions in his life anymore."

"You know that's not true Jess."

"Isn't it? Reagan calls all the shots in his life now. She's asked him to leave, maybe for good this time and he's thinking about it."

Cece pulled Jess' hands so she was facing her head on. "Exactly, he's just _thinking_ about it, he hasn't decided yet. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Tell me what?" Jess asked tiredly, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes.

"Doubts Jess. He's having doubts why else would he be hesitating?"

"He's just scared because it getting more serious with her. That's what Nick does."

"No, I don't think so, not this time. I think there's more to it. I think you should talk to him."

"I can't."

"Jess you just..."

"I can't Cece!" Jess yelled, thumping her mug on the counter before storming off to her bedroom to let out the tears she had been holding all morning.

* * *

Nick and Reagan returned from breakfast where barely a word had been exchanged between them. Nick could feel guilt crawling through his veins but he had no idea what to say to her. Besides, her flight back to San Francisco was in two hours, he couldn't start a deep and meaningful conversation now, it wasn't the right time. He paced around the living room anxiously as she fetched her suitcase from his room. He could hear the wheels of the case rolling across the floor, a sound he had come to associate with Reagan in every way. It either meant she was coming or going from his life. It was a noise that used to make his heart leap with excitement and now he just felt scared. She paused outside of his room and looked at him, cocking her head with a sad, almost defeated smile. It lacked the usual coolness and confidence she had in abundance. They held the distance between them for a few moments before Reagan finally made her way toward him and handed him a white envelope with his plane ticket inside.

"So I'll see you there."

Nick stared at the ticket in his hand. "Yeah."

"Ok, well I guess this is it." They both made their way towards the door which Nick opened for her. "Bye." Reagan whispered, pecking him on the lips, lingering longer than usual before turning to leave but Nick stretched his hand out to close the door again.

"Wait. Reagan I can't."

"What?" She turned to face him.

"I can't do this, I can't go to Dallas."

"You can't?".

"No. I'm so, so sorry."

"Can I ask why?" She questioned softly setting her bag down at her feet.

Nick froze, not really believing the words that were coming out of his mouth. He knew something was going to happen between them, something had been coming for weeks, but he hadn't expected this. He didn't think he could really do it. But the more solidly the words formed on his tongue the more they made sense to him.

"I don't think this is working anymore Reagan. Us I mean. I don't think it would be right for me to go with you."

Reagan nodded almost knowingly. She didn't look mad or even hurt. She looked relieved in a strange and sad sort of way. He was positive she knew the words that were going to come out of his mouth before he had even said them. Reaching up she touched his face and stroked her thumb down his cheek affectionately, like she was soaking up his features and the feel of his skin for the last time.

"I think you're right."

Nick's shoulders dropped. "You do?"

"The thing is Nick, I only bought one plane ticket to Dallas. For me."

Nick looked down at the unopened envelope in his hand. "Then what's this?"

Reagan took a deep breath. "It's a letter."

"I don't understand."

"You said it yourself Nick. This isn't working. I don't think either of us have anything more to give here and you know I don't deal with break ups very well."

Coming to the realisation of what was happening Nick squeezed the envelope tight in his hand. "So you were just gonna leave me a letter?!" He spat.

"You got there first anyway." She smiled.

"It's not funny Reagan."

"I know it's not. It's very far from being funny."

There was a panic to his voice as eight months came crashing down around them. "Reagan we need to talk about this...I mean why did you even ask me to go with you?"

"I needed to see how you'd react. I needed to be sure I was making the right decision and now I know I am. I don't think there's anything to talk about Nick. I don't hate you, you don't hate me right?"

"Of course not I..." Nick's words failed him.

"Nobody has cheated, nobody has done anything wrong. There's nothing to talk about, there's nothing to try and save here. Is there?"

Nick opened his mouth praying that he would, for once in his life, say something profound and meaningful to rescue them both from this situation but nothing came. "Reagan I'm sorry. I care about you so much, I really do. I never wanted to hurt you. Ever."

Regan swiped a finger under her eye as the only tear he had ever seen her cry, fell down her cheek. "You don't need to apologise Nick. You've given me a lot and I don't regret a single second of it. We had a blast didn't we?" She sniffed. "We just...we don't love each other."

Nick held her hand tight as emotion gripped his chest. "I tried Reagan. I really tried to make this serious, I tried make it real and to be in love."

Reagan smiled and rested her hand on his shoulder, rising up to kiss him on the cheek.

"You're in love." She smiled. "You're just not in love with me. Goodbye Nick."

And with that Reagan Lucas was gone from his life leaving him completely numb.


	10. Parting Words

Nick scrunched up the piece of paper in his hand. It folded into its natural creases from the time he had screwed it up before, and the time before that. It was the fifth time Nick had plucked it out of the trash to read it and still it made no sense to him. Reagan spoke of how much she cared about him, how she once believed they could have been the real deal, she spoke of how much fun he was and how caring and how he was going to make someone a wonderful husband. But apparently that person wasn't her. It was someone else. The same person she had eluded to before she walked out the door and left him alone, sitting on the edge of his bed chugging his fourth beer and battling emotions he didn't even know he had. Guilt, anger, confusion, it was all there and had melded together into some sort of super emotion that left him wanting to crawl into his bed and sleep for the next six months. His body wasn't used to this much feeling and it felt like it was starting to shut down.

 _Had he really just broken up with her?_

 _Was she really gone forever?_

 _What had made her think he wanted someone else?_

Nick pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and rubbed hard. Things had felt strange between him and Reagan for a while but he figured they would just get over it in time. He figured there were just a few more barriers to break down between them and then they would both arrive to a place where they were truly comfortable and content to be together. But it was his mother who had told him the week before that if something felt like it was missing then it probably was. He hadn't been able to get that out of his head, his mother was rarely wrong with this kind of stuff. He didn't want to spend his life with someone who was holding back or who he was holding back from. He could never get away from the feeling with Reagan no matter how hard he had tried.

But as worldly wise and experienced in love as Bonnie was, she hadn't said anything to him about him being in love with somebody else, and she would know. It couldn't be true. Reagan was crazy, beautiful and caring and god he was going to miss her, but clearly crazy. Convincing herself he was in love with someone else was nuts. Nick laughed to himself and shook his head but it quickly faded as his heart and his breathing started to speed up. Reagan was wrong. She had to be.

Nick screwed up the paper and threw it in the trash again. He needed some air. Fast.

* * *

Jess tried to focus on the movie but her eyes were just staring aimlessly at a moving blur of colours on the screen. She looked around her at Winston and Aly who were draped over each other in one corner of the couch and Schmidt and Cece who were cuddled up in the other. They all looked relaxed in a way that made their bodies sink into the couch, even the muscles in their faces had given for the day up giving them that almost grumpy look that always made Jess giggle. But not tonight, tonight she couldn't even make her mind concentrate on one single thing for more than two seconds.

Nick had been gone for hours and nobody had heard from him. She hadn't been able to resist a quick jaunt to the bar earlier that evening but he was nowhere to be seen. He was leaving the day after tomorrow and she needed as much time with him as she could get before he disappeared from her life again for a period of time she feared would be worse than the one before. She looked at her phone again to check the time but it had only moved on three minutes from the last time she checked. She felt a squeeze on her arm from Cece who simply offered her a comforting smile. A cupcake with the letter _'C'_ on had served as a suitable apology to Cece for her outburst earlier that day. Although Jess couldn't be certain it wouldn't happen again if she didn't see Nick's face come through the loft door in the next ten minutes.

As an intense restlessness settled into her legs she made a move to the kitchen to get them all more cake but as soon as she rounded the corner she heard the front door open and all the eyes in the room turn toward whatever had just come through it. She set down the tupperware box and took a few quick steps into the living room, her eyes more alert with concern and her body more eager than she intended it to be.

Nick loitered in the hallway but he made no move to sit down. He pointed weakly at the TV and nodded his head in acknowledgement of the movie they were watching but said nothing, he just stared. It was obvious he'd had a couple of drinks but he wasn't drunk, just strange. It drew a chuckle or two from Schmidt and Winston but Jess knew there was something wrong. His eyes were vacant, exhausted from something that had happened that day that she suddenly felt an overwhelming compulsion to fix. She took a tentative step toward him but still kept her distance.

"Nick?" She prodded cautiously.

His head jerked in her direction, only just noticing she was standing there. "Oh hey Jess."

"Nick are you ok?"

He started to peel of his jacket and turned away from her to hang it up next to the door while they all exchanged looks of concern behind his back.

"Reagan catch her flight ok man?" Winston asked.

Nick shrugged tiredly and made a move for the kitchen to get a beer, barely acknowledging Jess as he walked right by her. "I guess so." He mumbled.

"Shouldn't you be packing or something?" Schmidt enquired trying to draw out some sort of information.

Nick stared down at his beer for a long time. Opening it he took a long gulp and swished it around in his mouth before swallowing and flexing his jaw so hard it looked like he might shatter his teeth. "I'm not going."

Cece muted the television and they all turned round fully to face Nick who started to shift under the scrutiny and edge towards his bedroom.

"What do you mean you're not going?" Asked Schmidt.

"I'm not going to Dallas. Reagan and I broke up."

Nick looked up at his roommates with trepidation. As he saw their mouths drop open in preparation to ask him a myriad of questions he quickly exited to his bedroom closing the door tight behind him.

Cece's eyes immediately fell to Jess who looked like she had been turned into stone. She hadn't moved a muscle since Nick had slammed his bedroom door. Cece could hear Schmidt and Winston muttering amongst themselves as to whether they should go into Nick's room or give him ten minutes to calm down but Jess remained still, just staring at Nick's closed door. Cece knew if she stood there much longer staring like that she was going to draw attention to herself from the other guys so she gently leaned over and tugged Jess' hand. Snapping out of her trance Jess slowly sat down and tried to collect herself.

"What do I do?" She whispered to Cece as Schmidt and Winston continued to deliberate.

"I don't know." Cece mouthed in return.

Jess' compulsion to know that Nick was ok started to bring her to her feet again but she was beating to the punch by Schmidt and Winston who had finally made the executive decision to go into Nick's room and talk to him. Relieved of her duties for at least the next hour Jess dropped back on the couch heavily as Cece turned toward her.

"Oh my god!" Cece stated overdramatically.

"Shhhh." Jess waved her hand in Cece's face.

"Oh my god!" She whispered again.

"I can't believe it. What do you think happened?"

"I have no idea."

Jess shook her head suppressing the small feelings of elation that were starting to form deep in her belly.

"I'm sure it's nothing, it was probably just a fight or something. I bet he'll still go on Monday. They'll wind up figuring it out."

Cece put her hand over Jess' "What if they don't."

"Well..."

"Nick would be single again."

Jess stood up and began to pace around the coffee table, shaking the nervousness out of her hands. "Don't Cece. I can't deal with it right now."

"Come on Jess don't tell me you haven't thought about what you would do if they broke up."

"Well of course I have but, Cece, It doesn't actually change anything."

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't. Just because he's not with Reagan anymore doesn't mean he'll automatically have feelings for me. Nick may never feel that way about me again. Reagan being out of the picture doesn't change that."

* * *

Two hours later everyone had gone to bed. Winston and Schmidt had emerged from Nick's room having garnered surprisingly little information about exactly what had happened between Nick and Reagan. Cece had followed Schmidt to bed quietly promising Jess she would press him for information and text if anything juicy came up. Two hours later and there had been no text. She suspected Cece and Schmidt had become distracted by other things but she also suspected Nick had not been very forthcoming, even with Schmidt which was strange. She was starting to get tired but she couldn't bring herself to go to bed without knowing that Nick was ok. She had always been there for him in the past, there was no reason this time should be any different. Except it was different. She didn't want to go in there and encourage Nick to fight for Reagan, she didn't want to see how torn up he was about somebody else, she didn't want to have to comfort him by extolling all his virtues, she'd confess something to him if she went down that route. But she needed to do something, she couldn't just ignore him when he was in pain, in made her heart hurt.

She wandered to stand outside of his bedroom door, pressing her ear close to the wood to see if she could hear anything. She reached for the handle but lost her nerve at the last second and went back to sit down, berating herself for being so stupid. She went to make another move but stopped suddenly as a stream of light from Nick's bedroom illuminated part of the dim lounge. She sat forward trying to arrange herself in a position that seemed casual but with her back poker straight and her palms clasping her knees, she was was from casual. He began to charge, head down, straight to the kitchen but she caught his surprised eyes with a gently cough. For a moment he looked like he might turn and go back into his bedroom but he decided against it and hovered awkwardly in the hallway.

"I uh, I didn't know anybody still up." He said gruffly.

"Yeah I was just watching something and um..." She stood. "I guess I was hoping to see you at some point this evening."

Nick nodded uncomfortably and shuffled quickly to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. Jess paused for a moment to contemplate her options but she soon followed behind him, pulling the hem of her sweater and fiddling with her hair relentlessly. After he swung the fridge door open aggressively she watched him gather various luncheon meats and cheeses from the fridge and empty them onto the counter before taking out some of his obvious frustrations on a loaf of bread with a serrated knife. His silence and hunched shoulders told her she should probably leave him alone but she didn't. Instead she edged closer to him.

"I could make you something if you want?" She said quietly.

"Huh?" He looked over his shoulder with a hint of annoyance in his eyes.

"I mean you skipped dinner so I could make you something."

"Oh, no I'm good with this, thanks."

As Nick cowered over the kitchen counter layering one piece of food on top of the other with little finesse, Jess dared to get a little closer to him, and then a little closer again until she was almost right behind him. She could see the sorrow in his bones and she reached out to rest her hand gently on his shoulder but he snapped his whole body around suddenly at her touch, pulling away from her, serrated knife still in is hand. Jess took a brisk step back and held up her hands in surrender with a small smile.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you, I thought you'd hear me."

"No it's..." Nick rubbed his eyes and breathed out heavily. "It's ok, Im sorry I'm just feeling a little weird today.

"I'll bet. Are you ok Nick? I mean do you want to talk about it?

He frowned intensely. "Not really."

"Sometimes it helps."

"I said no Jess." He barked more abruptly than she cared for.

She had spent the last few hours pondering what could have happened between Nick and Reagan and with the suddenness of it all and Nick's apparent anger and reluctance to talk to anyone about it she had drawn her own conclusion which she raised cautiously.

"Was there...I mean is there...is there somebody else?"

Nick sneered and set the knife down hard on the counter. "Right because that's the only possible reason right. Poor, loser Nick gets cheated on a dumped again."

Jess was taken aback by the way he had turned.. "That's not what I meant."

"Maybe _I_ dumped her, maybe _I_ cheated on her."

Jess narrowed her eyes and shook her head trying not look as wounded as she felt. "You didn't cheat on her Nick."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's not you. You wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't I? Reagan seems to think I would."

"What do you mean?"

Nick paused, his nostrils flaring in and out as his breathing escalated along with his temper. "Nothing." He snapped, grabbing his food and starting back to his bedroom. But Jess wasn't done with him yet and she began to follow him with a little more purpose, pushing him closer to the edge. Slamming his plate down on the side table in the hallway he turned around to meet her eyes. "I said it's nothing Jess. I don't want to talk about it with you. God I don't need to tell you every little thing."

"I know that!" Her voice was louder now.

"Do you?! I feel like to just expect me to tell everything. Well guess what? It's none of your damn business Jess, this was between Reagan and I, nobody else! Certainly not you."

"I just wanted to know you were ok?" She barked fighting back the tears.

"Well I'm not, I'm not ok Jess and I just wanted to be left alone to figure it out. I don't want to spend the next four hours spilling my heart out over tea and cupcakes with you just for you to patronise me and make me feel worse!"

Jess reared her head back pausing for a moment as his words stabbed into her gut. She swallowed a lump of tears and anger and barged past him.

"Fine! Forget I asked."

Nick scrunched his eyes closed and bowed his head. "Jess wait...Jess!" But she was gone, her door slammed coldly in his face which he more than deserved. Shaking his head he pressed his thumb and finger into his tired eyes and cursed himself. He opened them to find Schmidt standing in the kitchen with a look that sat between shock and disappointment. Nick began to walk away but Schmidt followed him.

* * *

Nick winced as he heard Schmidt's sheepskin slipper clad feet shuffling furiously behind him. He debated whether or not just to close his bedroom door but he had just royally pissed off one of his loftmates he wasn't about to make it a double. When Nick turned there was Schmidt' with a face not too dissimilar to the one his mother used to make when she had caught him sneaking out his bedroom window when he was fourteen. Nick glanced at his bed, he just wanted to go to sleep and for this day to be over but he sensed Schmidt had other ideas.

"Nick, what the hell is wrong with you tearing into Jess like that? I know you're hurting right now but come on man." Schmidt scolded.

"I know, I was a dick...look I'll apologise."

"Damn right you will. Poor Jessica."

"Ok Schmidt. I get it."

Schmidt watched helplessly as Nick paced around his bedroom. He looked exhausted and yet full of nervous energy all at the same time. Schmidt was familiar with Nick's post break up routine, he had gone through it with him many times before but this was different. Schmidt was usually comfortable with his understood and well practiced role in consoling Nick and making him feel better but this time he was at a loss. There was a level of anxiety that Schmidt had never seen in him before. Standing in front of his best friend, Schmidt tried to engage his eyes and get his attention.

"Nick you need to tell me what happened with Reagan you clearly need to get it out of your system so please just talk to me."

Nick looked wide eyed at Schmidt, his shoulders still heaving as he tried to catch his breath. After a few moments he began to rummage under his desk. Schmidt frowned as he watched him reach into the trash can and pull out a crumpled up piece of paper. Nick smoothed out the letter a few times and handed in to Schmidt.

"Read it."

Schmidt accepted it in confusion. "What is it?"

"It's the letter Reagan left for me when we broke up. Read the last part."

Schmidt frowned and cast his eyes down the scrunched up piece of paper before him. Reagan's handwriting was surprisingly bad considering how professional and together she was so it took him some time to get through it but there was no doubting what Nick had wanted him to see. Schmidt read the last few lines a couple of times to make sure he was reading it correctly and to give himself time to figure out how to respond

"Oh." Schmidt said softly.

Nick stepped toward him suddenly. " _OH?_ That's it, oh?"

"I'm not sure what you want me to say?"

Nick laughed in desperation. "I want you to say it's ridiculous, I want you to burst into hysterical laughter. That's what I want."

"So you think she's wrong?"

"She told me I'm in love with someone else Schmidt. How the hell could I be, I've been with her for eight months and I've never once cheated on her!"

"I don't think she's accusing you of cheating Nick. This is a pretty rational letter. I think she's just noticed some things." Schmidt paused and bit his lips into his mouth.

Nick stepped closer and put his hands on his hips, his nostrils flaring wildly. "Noticed what?"

"Come on Nick don't make me say it." Schmidt held up the letter and waved it in the air. "You know what Reagan is talking about here."

Nick stopped and slowed down for the first time since Schmidt had come into his room. But he wasn't calm, calm wasn't the word. Nick seemed defeated. His shoulders dropped, his mouth hung open in quiet desperation, his hands mindlessly opened and closed slowly trying to grasp on to something he couldn't understand. He looked like his whole world had changed in a matter of seconds and there was nothing Schmidt could do as he watched him drop onto his bed, cradling his head in his hands. His voice low and weak to the point of almost a whisper.

"This can't be about Jess. It can't."

Schmidt sat down next to Nick and rested his hand on his shoulder. "Why not?"

Nick looked up. "Because that would mean that I'm not over her, that I never was and all of this was for nothing. I'm right back where I started."

"I think you just need to take some time to think about this."

Nick shook his head. "No there's nothing to think about."

He snatched the letter out of Schmidt's hand and threw it in the trash for the last time slowly emptying the last of his beer on top if it.


	11. Making Peace

"Are you sure Schmidt isn't gonna be mad if he finds out we looked at this house without him." Jess queried as she ran her finger over an old mantelpiece, idly collecting the dust and staring at it with disdain. Dusting it off her fingers she turned to Cece who was poking carefully at broken light switch.

"Are you kidding me, there is no way I would get him to look in this part of town. But he's being super unrealistic about our budget. A place like this might be all we can afford."

"Well I like it, it has character." Jess forced a smile.

"I appreciate your positivity Jess but this place is a complete hole. What do you say we cut our losses and go grab lunch."

"Sure, as long as I'm back at school in an hour."

"I think that can be arranged. Come on this place is giving me hives."

They both giggled as they bundled out of the front door, warning a few other prospective buyers who were making their way in. Jess was so excited for Cece and for the next stage of her married life with Schmidt but the thought of them moving out made her more emotional with each day that passed. She knew to expect it, every since they got engaged moving out was on the cards. But now, as Schmidt and Cece spent every spare minute looking at houses on the internet and scheduling phone calls with realtors, the reality of it all was upon them. It didn't just mean a change for Schmidt and Cece, it meant a big change for all of them.

She hadn't really spoken about it with Nick and Winston, or about what it was going to mean for them. Actually she had barely spoken to Nick at all in the last last forty eight hours but that was another matter. But she supposed the three of them needed some sort of plan. Two lots of rent was going to be a little a lot for the three of them to cover once Schmidt and Cece were gone.

As they both sat down outside a small Bistro and pulled their napkins into their laps, Cece could almost hear the cogs turning in Jess' head. Jess had gone quiet for the last few minutes of their walk and Cece knew it was because some nagging thought had wheedled its way in there and brought out the overanalyst in Jess. It didn't take much guessing for Cece to figure out what it was. Jess had made a request not to talk about Nick for a while but it wasn't so easy for Cece to comply with when she knew it played on Jess' mind twenty four hours a day and Nick's recent outburst hadn't done much to alleviate that. Cece poured Jess a small glass of white wine in spite of her protests and attempts to cover the top of her glass and proceeded to try and draw out what was bothering her best friend.

"Have you spoken to Nick since the other night?"

Jess shook her head as she tore up some bread and shovelled a piece of it into her mouth. "I haven't seen him. He's sent me a few messages and I heard him knocking at my bedroom door late last night but I just ignored him. You know this could actually be a good thing. For the first time in months I wanted to punch his face instead of kiss it. I count that as real progress."

Cece giggled and gently rested her hand over Jess' for a moment. "He was upset Jess. He's just gone through a breakup."

"I don't care, he was an ass."

"Oh yeah I'm in agreement there I'm just saying, you know, there were circumstances."

Jess took a sip of her wine and shook her head. "I'm not apologising if that's what you're suggesting?"

"No not at all, this one is on Nick. But he has tried to reach out to you Jess. Do you think maybe you're holding on to this to make things easier for yourself?"

Jess sighed and set down her glass abandoning the bread basket momentarily. "This isn't easier Cece, I hate not talking to him."

"So talk to him."

But it wasn't that simple. Jess had found a strange sense of relief in the fact that they were fighting. Not that it felt good, it didn't, it felt awful, but there was a certain safety to it. For months she had been able to tell herself that Reagan was the only obstacle that was keeping her and Nick apart. Whether she truly believed it or not was a different matter, but she would happily tell herself it everyday just to get by. Now Reagan was gone, that obstacle had been removed and replaced by a fight which appeared to be the next item on the list of things destined to keep them apart. In a sort of masochistic way she could handle that, she could handle those things being the obstacles because then the real obstacle wasn't Nick. Nick being the reason they weren't together, Nick keeping them apart by choice was something she couldn't handle. Not when she was this in love with him.

* * *

Nick paced slowly around his bedroom occasionally shaking his head at himself, at his life, at the world. It had been two days since he and Reagan had broken up and yet in spite of all the turmoil and emotional upheaval he was feeling he hadn't yet felt the compulsion to call her. Not even a drunken message on her phone at one in the morning. Nothing. It seemed she felt the same way as he stared at the empty screen on his phone before throwing it back on his bed. Reagan wasn't the only one who refused to make contact with him. His stomach had been in knots since his fight with Jess and she had conveniently left the house everytime he had tried to talk to her about it.

He needed to talk to her. He needed to make things right, he needed...he didn't know what he needed but the feeling was overwhelming. Yet at the same time he wanted distance from her until the fog in his head cleared. Whether he liked it or not, Jess had become a source of confusion in his life once again, she was the reason he hadn't slept, and she was the reason he had been holed up in his bedroom since the night before trying to make sense of everything.

As he looked out of his window to the street below and all the people he was sure were living much simpler lives than him, he found himself idly rummaging round in the drawer of his desk. He knew what lurked at the back of those drawers. Photos, gifts, memories that he hadn't been able to throw away so he had pushed them further and further back in his drawer in the hopes that Reagan would never find them but he was starting to think that maybe she had. Without any reason or understanding why he pulled out a photo of him and Jess and held it in front of him.

She had taken it on his phone when they were together. They were both lying in his bed on what he remembered well as a lazy Sunday morning when they'd had nothing else to do other than lay naked in bed together. Her hair lay strewn in wild, messy curls on the white pillow, her arms outstretched, holding the camera as he kissed her cheek. His eyes closed in reverence while hers sparkled into the camera along with her smile. He had loved the picture so much he had gone out and got a copy the very next day. It seemed like a different life. He never truly considered that he would ever get that life back so he had tried everyday to shut down his feelings just that little bit more. Until two days ago he thought he had done a pretty good job.

He had convinced himself he was there, that he had done it. He and Jess were friends, they were in a good place. He had found Reagan who should have been everything that he wanted and yet two days after their break up it was Jess that was in his head, knocking tirelessly at his brain. Gritting his teeth he stuffed the photo back in the drawer aggressively and slammed it shut. He could feel himself getting mad at Jess again and that wasn't what he wanted. She hadn't done anything wrong but she was still the reason for his confusion and the worst part was he couldn't even talk to her about it. She was the one person who straightened out his head and made him see straight and he couldn't even tell her what was eating him up.

Suddenly he found himself emptying his drawers to find every last thing that reminded him of their relationship. They were friends, he didn't need to keep hanging on to this stuff, it wasn't healthy. He collected photos, handwritten notes, gifts, old hair ties and tossed them in a cardboard box. Vigorously biting off a chunk of sticky tape he stuck it over the box and then did the same thing again and again, sealing it away along with his feelings. Then there is was, his relationship with Jess boxed up and sitting on his bed. Gathering it up in his arms he made a move for his bedroom door but as his hand rested on the doorknob he stopped. He stood there for two solid minutes staring at the door and then back at the box in his hands. Why couldn't he get rid of it?

"Come on Nick." He spurred himself on with a sharp slap on each cheek. "Just do it, this is ridiculous." He laughed at himself.

But moments later he found himself kicking the box back under his bed before he dropped down on it clasping his hands over his face with a loud groan. when suddenly he heard the front door to the loft open.

* * *

Jess kicked open her bedroom door and took a few speedy steps to avoid dropping the files she was carrying on the floor. Blowing her fringe out of her eyes she wandered towards her closet, peeling off her sweater as she walked. It had been far too warm a day for such a heavy sweater and she delighted as the cool air hit her skin. Running her fingers over her clothes she plucked out a thin blue shirt and turned back toward her bed at the same time as a wide eyed Nick barged through her door.

"What the hell Nick?!" She yelled clutching her shirt over her barely covered chest.

Nick eyes dropped momentarily before he smacked his palm over his eyes and held the other in the air. "Sorry! I heard you come home and I didn't realise you...Sorry."

"Don't you knock?" Jess continued to berate him as she threw the shirt around her shoulders and proceeded to button it up incorrectly.

"I figured you'd just ignore me again." He shrugged, eyes still covered.

"I wasn't..." She sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "You can uncover your eyes now Nick."

Nick splayed his fingers carefully and seeing that she was now fully dressed he lowered his hand, revealing his remarkably red face. "Can we talk?"

Jess wordlessly gestured toward her bed and Nick followed her lead, sitting down and jamming his hands between his knees nervously, still recovering from the sight of Jess' almost bare breasts. Jess sat next to him but was sure to keep her face stone cold. He wasn't getting off so lightly this time. She stole a glance at him and she was pretty sure he hadn't taken a breath since he walked through the door and apparently eye contact wasn't an option either. She let out a sigh of exasperation as several moments of silence past but it only served to make him more flustered as he fidgeted on her bed.

"Look Nick I thought you wanted to..."

"I'm sorry Jess."

Jess paused as he finally looked at her, his eyes deep with raw emotion she hadn't seen since they broke up. "You were really mean to me Nick."

"I know, I was a dick and I'm so sorry."

"How come it was just me though? I didn't see you treating anybody else that way."

Nick looked into her eyes, those eyes he had looked into so many times in so many ways and he froze. "I dont' know." He voice was soft and quiet. His eyes began to absorb every part of her face, studying ever last part in a way he hadn't for such a long time. A few faint freckles still lingered on her cheeks from the summer and her eyes seemed to change shade throughout the day. A few unruly hairs stuck away from her head as they broke free from the flawless waves she had left the loft with that morning. Her face was so comforting to him, so warming and familiar, he recognised it better than his own.

Then suddenly there it was. The urge to kiss her.

Not just because he wanted her to feel better, not just because he wanted to take away the tension of the last couple of days but simply because he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to remember how her lips tasted and what it felt like to have her kiss him back. His eyes dropped to her lips, lips that had kissed him softly on the forehead as he lay sleeping on the couch after a hard night at work and lips that had bitten his own in moments of intense passion. He stood up abruptly and tried to push out the shaky breath that was lodged in his throat. He looked at her perplexed face which made him even more nervous as he struggled to find something to say.

Um...the bar..." He coughed. "You should come to the bar tonight. Drinks are on me."

Jess stood, a little bewildered by his behaviour. "Oh, ok. So, I guess we're done here?"

Nick started to edge backwards to the door, clinging on to the hard edge for dear life when he found it. "Yeah I gotta go to work but please come to the bar tonight. I'd really like you to."

"Um, ok, I'll be there."

Nick nodded bashfully and he began to disappear out of the door but turned to her one more time. "Jess, I am really sorry."

She fought a smile "I forgive you. This time. Now get out of here you clown."

* * *

Nick threw a towel over his shoulder and surveyed how many people were queuing up at the bar, for a week night it was oddly busy and was proving to be a quiet source of frustration as he stole a glance over to the booth where his friends were sitting and enjoying themselves without him. His shift had ended over an hour ago but as the boss he knew he had to help his staff make a dent in the crowd of people. It was all he could do not to grunt in the face of every customer who came to the bar asking for some ridiculous cocktail it would take him a good ten minutes to make. Every spare chance he got he would swing by the booth and drop another glass of champagne in front of Jess, much to Schmidt's displeasure, but he still had a lot of making up to do and he figured expensive champagne was a good start.

As he ground some mint leaves into the bottom of a cocktail glass he looked over at Jess and smiled to himself as he watched her start to get all giggly and affectionate. He hadn't seen her smile that way is some time. He wasn't sure how or when it had happened but at some point in the last couple of days he had reverted back to focussing on all her little quirks and details. He knew them all by heart anyway but he had let himself forget how fun she was just to watch. She had looked up and caught him a few times leaving him to shake his head in annoyance and berate himself, wondering what switch had flipped in his head to get him to this point where it was acceptable to stare at his friend like some kind of crazy stalker.

She was taking up so much room in his head now he could barely think about anything else, which was obvious as he set down an incorrect order in front of the unimpressed customer facing him. He apologetically remade the drinks before deciding enough was enough. It was over an hour past the end of his shift now, so grabbing the rest of the champagne he left his staff to it and headed over to the other guys, ignoring the fact that his heart was beating faster with every step he took closer to the booth.

Sliding in next to Schmidt he found himself opposite Jess, offering her a soft smile just to check they were still ok after their talk. She smiled back and he felt some of the tension ease out of his shoulders. Listening intently Nick tried to pick up on their conversation which wasn't too difficult to do as he watched Jess' mouth sink into a pout and Cece throw her arm around Jess' shoulders.

"I still can't believe you guys are gonna be leaving soon." Jess whined.

"If we ever find a house. It could be like a another year Jess."

"Yeah the market's tough, there's not a lot out there." Winston added as he sipped his beer.

"How do you know?" Nick laughed.

"Well..." Winston paused, exchanging a cheerful look with Ally who linked her arm though his. "Aly and I have talked about it."

Nick's smile faltered. "You have?"

"Yeah, I mean we've been together a year so..."

Nick laughed awkwardly "I know but..."

"Don't worry you'll still have Jess." Winston smiled proudly but was met with a sharp jab in the ribs from his girlfriend.

A strange silence fell upon them that lasted several moments until Jess coughed and giggled nervously into her champagne glass.

"Um...I don't know about that." She mumbled quietly.

"What does that mean?" Nick half laughed trying not to look offended.

Jess glanced at Cece trying to figure out if she was crossing a line but she continued. "We couldn't live alone together Nick. That would be weird. Don't you think that would be weird?"

"We could get a couple of other roommates. It's no big deal." Nick shrugged trying to hide the fact that he no longer saw any lightheartedness in the conversation.

"Ugh could you be bothered with that again? We're almost in our mid-thirties Nick. I don't know, I figure I'd probably get my own place."

Nick paused and narrowed his eyes at Jess. "Just like that?"

Jess' smile faded as she sensed Nick's tone. "No not just like that but..."

Nick frowned and stared at his hand as he spun his beer bottle round slowly on the table. Pushing the bottle away he began to stand. "You know it's late I should probably go cash up."

"You just sat down." Jess argued, instantly starting to regret her words.

"Yeah but it's been a busy night so..." Without anything further Nick disappeared behind the bar and into his office.

"What was that about?" Winston asked innocently leaving Schmidt and Cece to exchange a knowing glance.

* * *

Nick twirled his pen around in his hand as he stared at the numbers in the book, trying to make sense of them. They all just looked like alien shapes the harder he concentrated on them. Sitting back in his chair he rolled his aching shoulders and closed his eyes. It had been an exhausting couple of days and it was really starting to catch up with him. The dim light of his office was only making him more tired and the ragged old chair in the corner was starting to look pretty inviting. With his head lolling back on his shoulders his dragged his hands down his face but he shot up suddenly as he heard a soft knock at the door which was gently pushed open with a quiet creak. The loud sound of music and voices in the bar was muffled as Jess closed it again and came to sit down in front of him.

"Nick I didn't mean to upset you out there."

"You didn't upset me. I'm just tired, it's been a long couple of days."

"Look Nick I know you're still upset about Reagan and I know you don't particularly wanna talk to me about it, you made that clear, but..."

"It's not..." Nick sighed. "This isn't about Reagan."

"It's not?"

"No. The break up was just as much my decision as it was hers and it was the right decision."

"Sooo...you're ok about it?"

"Yes."

Jess dropped her arms on the table in exasperation and leaned closer toward him. "Then what's the matter Nick? I know there is something wrong, I can tell."

"Nothing. Like I said, I'm tired."

Realising she wasn't going to get much out of him Jess nodded and stood to leave. With a heavy heart she made it to the door and reached for the handle when his voice calling her name stopped her. She turned and he was out of his chair, his chest heaving like he was suddenly and inexplicably out of breath. Even in the dim light of the office, she could see that look in his eyes, the same one she had seen earlier that day and it made her stomach lurch. As his mouth hung open she waited for him to talk. She didn't push him, there was an extreme vulnerability in his face that told her not to. There was something between them and Jess would swear it was an electricity crackling under the surface but she had spent so long wishing for such things she couldn't tell if it was real or just in her imagination. As she felt her heart start to beat faster she took a step toward him.

"Nick?"

"I don't want you to move out Jess."

"What?" She asked in surprise.

"I mean...I wouldn't want you to leave the loft."

"Nick we were just talking, it was all hypothetical, I'm not going anywhere."

Nick breathed out heavily and nodded his head in relief, hanging it in embarrassment. "Good."

Jess watched him in curious confusion as he sat back down and picked up his pen. She smiled and let out a brief and silent laugh. She stared at him contentedly for a few moments as he began to go about his business before she headed for the door to join the others again. Pausing, she turned back to him.

"For the record I don't want you to leave either."

"No?" He smiled coyly.

She shook her head softly as her eyes locked with his. "Three months was bad enough."

As she disappeared out of the door he was plunged into relative silence, once again he was left with nothing but his own thoughts and a curious smile. But the feeling lasted mere seconds as his brain started to take over. Resting his elbows on the desk his head dropped into his hands and he sighed. For twenty minutes Nick sat there alone in the same position, contemplating his life and his feelings until he heard his door open again. This time it was Schmidt smiling with green teeth after one too many melon balls.

"Hey man we're heading home for a night cap. You coming?"

Nick stared at the books on his desk looking completely lost. "I'm screwed Schmidt."

Schmidt looked down at the open accounts book and then back to Nick. "It's fine you can just do it in the morning with a fresh pair of eyes."

"Not that." Nick raised his head to look at Schmidt, his tired face wrought with emotion. "Reagan was right about Jess... I still love her."


	12. Jump

Nick felt both his knees let out a concerning crack as he unfurled them and spread them out across the floor. Lifting his head he felt a twang in the back of his neck and he winced, his hand instantly shooting up to grab it and massage the pain away with his fingertips. It was potentially one of the worst nights sleep he'd ever had, he thought to himself as he stood, turning back to scold the ragged chair that had fooled him with its comfy looking cushions. Spending the night in his office wasn't an ideal scenario but Winston had been doing the night shift. Schmidt and Cece had felt obliged to go and visit his Aunt after she had sent them some money towards the new house and spending the evening alone with Jess wasn't an option in light of recent revelations. He'd called her of course, she would only show up at the bar if he didn't. He'd rambled something about pulling an all-nighter to finish the accounts but he wasn't sure she believed him, he'd hung up before he had the chance to find out.

Pressing his fist into the base of his spine and arching his back with a frown, he looked at the clock on the wall. It was seven in the morning. It was a Sunday but Jess would be awake for sure which meant he had a limited amount of time before she showed up at the bar with a basket of breakfast muffins to see if he was alright. It meant he had to get out of there quickly. Grabbing his keys and phone he ventured out in the morning air after splashing his face and armpits with some soapy water in the bar bathroom. He felt less than fresh but he needed the other guys to be home before he could go back to the loft to shower, he needed the moral support and to have someone on hand in case he felt the urge to do something stupid.

He didn't trust himself around Jess. His feelings were still all over the place and he didn't trust himself not to say something to her and mess up everything they had worked so hard for. If anything he should have forced himself to be around her and began training himself not to speak of his feelings, like a dog is trained not to pounce on the treat that's put in front of it. Practice was the key, but right now he needed something to eat. Luckily the diner opposite was already open.

Shovelling hot pancakes into his mouth, his dabbed the syrup from his lips and scrolled through his phone.

 _Hey Nick, hope you're having fun burning the midnight oil, don't worked too hard, J xx_

He'd ignored it.

 _I'm going to bed, there's soup in the oven for you if you decide to come home later, J xx._

He'd ignored that too.

Guilt rumbled low in his belly along with a whole host of other emotions that had taken residence there in the last few days and it wasn't all down to the copious amounts of pancakes, bacon and maple syrup he'd eaten as he had hoped. He had been avoiding her the last few days to avoid any weirdness between them but now his absence was the cause of that very weirdness. She hadn't said anything to him but the frequency and tone of her text messages told him she knew something was wrong. Luckily he had still had the break up as an excuse for his behaviour, not that using Reagan made him feel any better about himself.

As he sipped his strong coffee he wondered how long Reagan had known, he wondered what it was that first made her think it. Had he looked at Jess in a certain way? Had his words been too affectionate on occasion? Was the fact that he still lived with Jess too intimidating? He had considered flat out asking Reagan just for some peace of mind, he had even picked up his phone and begun to type out a message before he realised the insensitivity of it.

Schmidt hadn't been much help either. His casual response of _'it's just obvious'_ had shed little light on the subject or offered Nick much reassurance that he was capable of getting over it any time soon. If he could just pinpoint exactly what it was that made him love her then he could turn it around, turn it into a flaw, turn it into something platonic, repellent even, if that worked.

But it wasn't that simple. It wasn't one thing, it had never been just one thing. It was her laugh, her yawn, the way she supported him, her positivity, her knitting, the way she made him feel like he could do anything, her eyes, how good a friend she was, her hair, how much she loved her students, the way she used to kiss him, the sound of her breathing as she slept, the way her skin felt when she touched him, her beautiful face, her beautiful soul.

It was everything.

* * *

Schmidt rubbed his hand over his belly as it rumbled loudly causing Cece to giggle. His Aunt's idea of breakfast that morning had been nothing but pop tarts which wasn't exactly to his usual taste. Jess' invitation to brunch had undoubtedly been a welcome one. Jess seemed to be in better spirits, in spite of the way Nick was currently treating her, Schmidt thought as he glanced at her. He wondered if she had any inkling of Nick's feelings for her, but as he watched her strike up a conversation with someone right there in front of the specials board he figured maybe not. Her floaty, red little skirt, bouncing hair and big eyes had caught the attention of a nearby admirer much to Schmidt's displeasure.

The way she was standing, her smile, she way she played with her hair every few moments...yep, she was flirting. He felt a protective burn of anger in his gut as he watched Jess lean into the tall, blonde muscle who looked like he could crack a walnut between two of his fingers. So not Jess' type at all, he thought to himself, but that didn't stop him from eyeballing them from across the diner.

He knew it was ridiculous, it wasn't like Jess was cheating, but he couldn't help but seethe on Nick's behalf. Someone had to. Jess was never short of attention but things were different now, Schmidt was determined to make it his mission to remind one Jessica Day just how amazing Nick was and how much she wanted him back. He was going to get the two of them back together if it killed him. But it didn't help with old swimmer-shoulders getting in the way. It was only when he saw Cece's frowning face that he realised he'd been mumbling and tutting out loud.

"What is up with you?"

"Nothing! Jessica is taking forever and she was supposed to come back and tell us what was on the specials board." Schmidt pushed his chair back and dumped his napkin on the table in front of him but he felt his wife grab firmly at his wrist.

"You go over there and interrupt them and I will strangle you to death Schmidt!"

"Cecelia!" Schmidt pressed his hand against his chest in shock.

"I mean it, Jess needs this."

"Why? It's just some random guy and he's so not her type. Look at him for goodness sake."

"Just trust me, she needs it ok."

Schmidt sat back and folded his arms like a scolded child and resumed glaring at Jess who was now making her way back to the table with a spring in her step and a napkin in her hand which had something scrawled in black across the front of it. Wriggling back into her seat with a timid but proud smile she quickly flashed the phone number on the napkin to Cece and then folded it up and put it in her bag.

"And who was that?" Schmidt enquired like a father catching his daughter sneaking in the door in the middle of the night.

"That, was Henry." She smiled.

"Henry?" He scoffed.

"Yeah, he gave me his number." She turned round to look at him again. "He's pretty hot don't you think?"

"No I do not think." Schmidt snapped childishly.

"Schmidt!" Cece barked unsure whether to laugh or yell at him. "There is no way you can say that guy is not hot."

"Yes I can, I just did."

"Just ignore him Jess, he's in a weird mood. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, I mean it doesn't mean anything, it's just a number."

But it did mean something, it meant for ten whole minutes she had shown an interest in a guy who wasn't Nick. She had gone hard and fast with the dating after Nick had left for New Orleans and she had burned herself out. Dating had lost all meaning. But she needed the distraction again, she needed to prove to herself there was another side to this never ending Nick-shaped wall she was relentlessly climbing. She couldn't think beyond the phone number in her purse, that was way too scary, but it was progress.

* * *

Nick poked his head into the loft like a curious cat, his feet still rooted firmly in the hallway outside. Scanning the room he could see that it was empty. Craning his neck he turned his ear into the space but he couldn't hear anything, it seemed safe and the nervousness in his belly began to dissipate. Kicking of his shoes he wriggled his toes with the new found freedom and made a break for the bathroom with quick, purposeful steps, just in case.

Peeling off his t-shirt he threw it into the corner of the bathroom, he didn't even bother with the usual cursory sniff to see if he could get another day out of it. Pushing his fingers inside the waistline of his jeans and boxers he pushed them down his legs all in one go and stepped straight out of them and into the shower. As the water hit his skin he cranked up the temperature a few notches and breathed deeply as the steam opened up his lungs. He closed his eyes and just stood there enjoying the feel of the water. After his shower he would take a nap. He needed to catch up on some sleep and Jess wouldn't bother him if she thought he was asleep and he would be off the hook for another couple of hours at least.

Turning around he hung his head low and let the water run down his back, easing the muscles that were still sore from sleeping crookedly in a chair all night. Images of Jess swam in his head and his tiredness made it harder to fight them away the way he usually did. He could picture her there in the shower with him from all that time ago. He remembered the way she would yelp as her back pressed against the cold tiles, the way he could make her giggle by spiking his hair up with shampoo, the way her wet skin felt against his as they made love. He rested his palm on the flat of his stomach as his his tired mind became consumed by thoughts of her. He waited a few moments before he moved his hand lower and lower again.

But his eyes flew open at the sound of voices in the hallway and his hand fell to his side. The voices got louder and louder until his peace was broken when the bathroom door opened and closed. With a grunt of annoyance he shut of the water and poked his head out from the curtain to find Schmidt standing against the door with a face like thunder. Snatching his towel from the rail Nick wrapped it around his waist and vigorously shoved the shower curtain to one side.

"What the hell are you doing in here Schmidt? I was trying to shower."

"Congratulations Nicholas."

Nick sighed and grabbed his toothbrush as he continued to look at Schmidt behind him in the mirror. "What are you talking about?"

"She has a date tonight."

Nick felt his heart and stomach drop but his face was stoic. He processed the information for a few moments before he calmly squirted toothpaste on his brush and began to brush his teeth. Schmidt moved away from the door and came to stand next to him, his frantic whispering making Nick's skin stand on edge.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes I heard you." Nick mumbled through a mouth full of toothpaste.

"What are you going to do about it?"

Nick swished the toothpaste around in his mouth slowly much to Schmidt's annoyance and spat it into the sink. "Nothing." He said matter-of-factly.

"Nothing? You're not going to do or say anything?"

Nick tightened the towel around his waist and turned to face Schmidt who was standing way too close for his liking. "Say what Schmidt. ' _Hey Jess you know that friendship we have? Well I'm gonna go right ahead and ruin it by telling you I'm still in love with you_.' Is that what I should say."

"I doesn't have to be like that."

"Jess is not in the same place as me Schmidt, not even close. I'm gonna get over this I just need a little time."

"Ok well in that time, she is gonna go on dates and meet someone and you're gonna be too late."

Nick shook his head as Schmidt left the bathroom and tried to play it cool but his friend's words were ringing loud in his ears. Could he really watch Jess date somebody now that he had finally figured out his feelings?

* * *

As Jess looked in her bedroom mirror and pushed the back of her earing on she tried to block out the noise as Schmidt prattled on in the background as he paced behind her. He had barely given her a moment's privacy since they'd got back from lunch and his weird mood had proceeded to get weirder. She had given up trying to figure out why he didn't want her to go on the date with Henry. Schmidt hadn't come out and said it but he had done everything to try and dissuade her by turning his nose up at all her outfits and making her change, reading through severe cases of venereal diseases on his phone and telling her fibs about what he had found on Henry's Facebook page. She was too busy trying to figure out the mess in her own head she had no time to try and figure out the endless riddle that was Schmidt's mind. It was better to simply let him get it out of his system until he tired himself out.

Glancing at her clock she saw that is was 19:30. She had to leave at 19:45, that was the plan. She disappeared to the bathroom, partly to brush her teeth, but mostly to get away from Schmidt for five minutes who was really starting to get on her nerves. Marching into the bathroom she flung open the door and stepped inside with little regard for who might be in there. She stopped short with her back against the door as she found Nick picking up some of his dirty laundry from the floor and putting it in a basket. She glanced down at the perfect shape of his jeans and boxers on the floor that he'd obviously just stepped out of.

"Looks like you melted" She giggled softly as she pointed to the pile on the floor.

Nick laughed half heartedly and picked up the clothes and threw them in the basket, tucking his dirty boxers underneath all the other clothes. Setting down the basket he immediately regretted it as he struggled to find something to do with his fidgeting hands. Swallowing hard he jammed them in his pockets and offered her a nervous smile. He was acting far from natural but it genuinely was the best he could do given that his heart felt like it was going to beat clean out of his chest. He coughed to help some words come out but there was nothing so he coughed again. His behaviour was getting ridiculous and he just hated himself in that moment. _Just talk to her you idiot._

"So um...I hear you have a date."

Jess' face fell. She didn't really like him knowing that stuff. "Yeah, it's nothing just some guy I met this morning."

"It's not nothing, it's um...good for you I guess."

"It's just a bit of fun, it's not gonna go anywhere."

"What makes you say that? You don't know."

"I do know." She had no idea what made her say that so firmly.

Nick's brow creased in confusion and he forced a small smile, unsure how to take her words. "Just give the guy a chance. Once he gets to know you he'll go all out to impress you. Trust me."

Jess smiled but she felt disheartened at his words. She didn't want his support or encouragement, not about this. She wanted him to get jealous, she wanted him to try and stop her the way Schmidt had, she just wanted some sort of reaction so she would know if there was any feeling left lurking in that body of his. There was something in his eyes, there was something he wasn't saying, something he wasn't telling her. She silently urged him as her eyes bore into his but he said nothing.

"Maybe you're right." She smiled in defeat. "It's just hard I guess."

"It doesn't have to be hard, this guy could be everything you want."

Jess nodded sadly and turned to open the door, but before she left she turned to him. "Doesn't seem likely. I know what I want."

* * *

Swinging her coat around her shoulders and collecting her bag from her bed she exited her room with Schmidt still trailing behind her, continuing to chunter on. Spinning around and rolling her eyes she managed to catch the words _kidnapper_ and _handcuffs_.

"Schmidt are you about done?"

"I'm just looking out for you Jess. Like I've said, countless times, I don't think this is a good idea."

Jess stepped toward him and dropped her hands on his firm, sweater-clad shoulders and sighed in exasperation. "Noted, Schmidt. Look I don't know what's going on here but I have to go. I'll see you later."

"Jess..." Schmidt moved towards her as she walked out the door but Cece pulled him back before he had the chance to catch up with her.

"Schmidt what the hell was that?!"

Schmidt pouted silently and shook his head before shuffling off to the kitchen muttering to himself. After pacing the length of the kitchen a couple of times he decided a drink was in order. Plucking a fresh lime from the fruit bowl he began to slice it with vigor, dropping the slices in a glass and pouring a healthy glug of expensive gin over the lime. As he began to smack the ice cube tray on the countertop Cece stared at her husband in bemusement. Resting her hands on the counter she glared at him and waited for him to explain himself.

He bided his time hoping he could just ply her with a delicious drink and smile and she would just forget about his weird behaviour but as he turned to face her he knew that wasn't a possibility. He handed her the glass which she took from his hand but she still said nothing as she waited for him to talk. The silence was palpable. Finally he huffed out a breath and began.

"I just don't see why she's going out with that guy."

"Because she likes him, why else would she go out with him?"

"Pfff." He turned his back to her again and poured just a little more gin in his glass.

"What is your problem with this honey, you've been weird ever since lunch!"

Schmidt shook his head "She can do better."

"You don't even know him."

"I don't need to, I just know she can do better. I just know." Schmidt lowered his gaze, he knew if he looked at Cece she would see something in his face and he would have to start answering questions he really didn't want to answer. He had never been good at keeping secrets. It's like the information just didn't fit into his body and it would try to come out any way it could, making him squirm in discomfort. He threw back another gulp taking a quick glance at Cece who was totally on to him. Slowly she crept towards him with narrow eyes and her tongue pushed into the side of her cheek.

"Ok there is something weird going on and you need to tell me, because if I didn't know better I would think you were acting like a jealous boyfriend."

"Don't be ridiculous Cece."

She softened her tone. "Then what is it?

"It's nothing."

" _Nothing_ nothing, or nothing you can tell me."

Schmidt sighed in frustration at his propensity to crack at her incessant prodding. "The last one, no the first one! Stop confusing me!"

Cece gasped dramatically. "You have a secret."

"Nuh uh." Schmidt pursed his lips and shook his head but his eyes betrayed him.

"Schmidt." She sang in a warning tone.

"Ok" He ran his hands through his hair feeling the words running across his tongue and making a break for freedom. "Ok." He repeated, preparing himself. Taking her hand he led her to the couch and gently guided her to sit down. "This is big Cece...it's really big."

* * *

Jess fastened up the buttons on her coat as she got outside, she didn't want anyone to see how dressed up she was just to walk around the streets of L.A. on her own for the next three hours. She felt guilty for lying to her friends about the date but she needed to throw them a bone every now and again to make them believe her love life still had some semblance of a pulse. It had been a long while since her last date and she didn't want to arouse any suspicions, plus it took the weight off Cece's shoulders for an evening if she thought her best friend was out there putting the pieces of her love life back together on her own.

The truth was she had intended to call Henry, she had every intention of using that phone number for the purpose it was intended but she couldn't do it. It had been fun to flirt with him earlier that day and she had been proud of herself for doing it but as soon as she picked up her phone to call him she realised she had given him all she had to give, she didn't have anything left and pretending was getting harder. She spent everyday pretending. She had even fooled herself into thinking that her and Nick had had a couple of moments but that illusion was soon shattered when he refused to talk to her or respond to any of her messages in the last few days. He was still getting over Reagan, she should have known better.

The worst thing about being in love with her best friend were those moments that caught her off guard, those fleeting moments where she actually dared to believe maybe there could be something between them again. Those kind of thoughts were dangerous. They made her happy, but the kind of happiness kids feel about Santa Claus, fleeting and based on something that isn't real.

After an hour she realised she had walked pretty far away from the loft and as the sun started to set she found herself a little cafe. She was far enough away from the loft that none of the guys were likely to walk by and catch her in her elaborate lie. She ordered herself a tea and the largest piece of cake she could find, with every intention of ordering another piece when she was through. Taking off her earrings and necklace she put them into her bag and blotted off her lipstick on the paper napkin.

She was wallowing, it was painfully obvious as pressed her finger into the frosting on the cake. But she spent so much of her time pretending she was ok in front of Nick that sometimes a good old wallow was absolutely necessary. Maybe she could bore herself with her own misery and then she would be forced to feel differently just for something else to do.

* * *

Cece paced back and forth from one end of the couch to the other, Schmidt's eyes following her like a slow tennis match. It had been almost five minutes and it was starting to make him dizzy. Since his little revelation he had heard the same four words on repeat.

"I can't believe it."

"I know." He nodded.

Cece paced a little more, creases forming in the middle of her brow as she pondered what was, on some level, quite quite a simple notion. Finally she stopped still and turned to face him, furiously biting her nails.

"Oh god Schmidt."

"I know." He repeated.

"I feel terrible."

"I know, wait...what? Why?"

"Because you just told me that and now I feel guilty that I didn't tell you, but Jess made me promise!"

Schmidt stood up "Cece what are you talking about."

Cece could picture Jess' stern face in her mind and guilt turned in her belly. She had kept Jess' secret for months, even from her own husband because she knew what it would do to Jess if it got out. She'd lied, withheld and embellished all for her best friend because Jess had done the same for her the year before. Yes, ultimately Jess had told Schmidt but that was only because she knew how they both felt. Surely this was no different. Nick was in love with Jess, they were both in love with each other, this changed everything. The same rules didn't apply anymore. She looked into Schmidt's eyes, blocked out all images of Jess and took a deep breath.

"Ok, I need to tell you something too, but you can't say anything to Nick."

"Ok."

"No I need you to swear because the whole reason I didn't tell you this earlier is because I know you'll wanna go running to Nick and you can't."

"Ok I swear." Schmidt held up his hands in promise.

Cece sucked in a breath and as she breathed out the words tumbled with it.

"Jess is still in love with Nick."

Schmidt's eyes went wide, so wide she thought they might pop out of his head. "What?!"

"I know."

"How? When? How long has this been going on?"

"Since the wedding, well that was when she admitted it at least."

"The wedding?! " He bellowed. "That was eight months ago!"

Schmidt's gestures started to get bigger and his voice a few decibels louder. She could tell he was going to struggle to keep this to himself, the information was already contorting his body as he paced back and forth, his arms flailing with each word he theatrically yelled.

"You've been keeping this from me this whole time Cece."

"Jess made me promise and she's my best friend."

"Yes but I'm your husband!"

"Ok can you look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't have gone straight to Nick with this."

"Yes." His eyes twitched as he pursed his lips.

"Schmidt?"

"Ok, ok, I probably would have told him."

"You can't tell him Schmidt. I'm serious. This is for Nick and Jess to figure out, and Jess is just as much your friend as Nick so you have to respect her wishes. When the moment finally comes they need to say those words to each other, we can't say it for them, it's their moment. We don't even know what they both want."

"Hmmmm."

"Schmidt!"

"Ok, ok I promise I won't say anything."

* * *

Schmidt and Cece sat next to one another on the sofa, their arms folded tight, biting their lips into their mouths and glancing sideways at Nick who was strewn across the sofa, actually watching the movie they were both pretending to watch. Their muscles were rigid as every last bit of energy went in to keeping their mouths shut. They had both spent an hour in their room gossiping about it like teenagers to try and get it out of their system but it hadn't been enough. It was big. The whole thing was just too big and they couldn't bear it.

Nick had been particularly quiet. After a few curious questions about Jess' date he had sunk into a bad mood and been completely silent for the rest of the evening, wearing an intense frown that was showing no signs of easing. Cece would have put it down to his break up if she didn't know better. But now she did know better and everything was starting to make sense. The break up with Reagan, the mood swings, the arguments with Jess, the avoidance tactics. It was all classic Nick and she didn't know how she had failed to see it. She had been so busy keeping tabs on Jess, Nick had totally slipped under her radar. As she looked over her heart began to ache for him. Nick wasn't as good at expressing his feelings as Jess was. She could practically see the pain and misery all balled up in the centre of his chest. No wonder he was so quiet, he was dealing with so much that she didn't even know about.

She had warned Schmidt repeatedly not to interfere but as she looked at the sadness in Nick's eyes it was beginning to make less sense. She knew if she just said the words Nick would be out of the door in seconds searching the whole of L.A. until he found her. The urge was overwhelming but she couldn't do it, she couldn't be the one to break the news just in case it back fired and Jess hated her forever. It had to be a natural process, she couldn't force it, but that didn't mean she couldn't encourage it along.

"Thats a great dress." Cece said pointing to some young hollywood starlet on the TV. It was a weak segway but she went with it. "Jess looked really great in that dress tonight didn't she? Really beautiful."

Schmidt and Cece both looked at Nick who squirmed in his seat a little before turning his mouth down and nodding. They turned to one another and exchanged an emphatic and lengthy eye conversation which involved a few raised eyebrows before Cece nudged Schmidt sharply in the ribs, jolting some words out of him. Any words.

"Yeah...yep. She looked really great. I'm not sure this guy is gonna be good enough for her. He seemed a little, well, his voice was like really high for one thing. He sounded like a chipmunk." Schmidt stammered helplessly, eliciting suspicious stares from Nick. "But yeah, that green dress really brought out her eyes...man...woo. Henry is one lucky guy."

Nick rolled his eyes and blew out a heavy breath as his eyes fixed back on the TV. "It was blue."

"Huh?"

"Her dress, it was blue. It was the one she bought the day we went to the craft festival downtown." Nick repeated.

Cece tried to hide a small smile. They were slowly getting into his head, in spite of their feeble attempts they were slowly tapping into his feelings. It was a risky strategy, hitting a nerve like that, but Cece pushed ahead with it.

"This could be really great for Jess. I mean they hit it off super quick. I think he really liked her, like really, really liked her. Then again who doesn't like Jess. Guys always hit it off with her, it's just a matter of time before it happens for her now. I can feel it."

Cece casually leaned her elbow on the back of the couch, resting her head in her hand and glanced sideways at Nick was grinding his teeth and flexing his jaw angrily. He was trying to pretend he was still watching the movie but his eyes moved round the room as his nostrils flared every few seconds. Cece felt a smidge of guilt for kicking him when he was down but it was all for the greater good. She was about to continue when even the fates started to play along with her game as her phone lit up with a message from Jess.

"Speak of the devil." Cece smiled mischievously. "She's probably sending me pictures of her hot date or telling me how amazing he is". She teased as she read the message but then her face switched to confusion. "Oh." She said in surprise.

"What?" Asked Schmidt.

"She on her way home but she can't get a cab, she wants me to go pick her up."

"I'll go." Nick interjected, abruptly getting out of his chair.

"Nick it's fine..."

"I'll go" He said again more sternly. "Where is she?" Nick was already putting on his shoes and grabbing his keys from the table. Cece barely had her words out before she loft door closed and he was gone.

* * *

Nick drummed his fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as the lights turned to red. His stomach was churning over and over and he could feel beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead. Mumbling curse words at the traffic lights he sighed in exasperation and shuffled back and forth in his seat. He knew in his bones the moment was coming closer when he was going to have to tell her and he felt sick. For all his bravado and trying to convince Schmidt he would get over it, he knew that wasn't true. He knew he was just living on a countdown until he would have to tell her.

As he drove closer to the destination he noted it was strange area to go for a date, not particularly intimate or romantic but he shrugged it off. Jess was nothing if not unconventional and the less intimate the better in his mind. He was just glad the date was over and he could take her home where she belonged and talk to her, perhaps make up for the last few days of strange behaviour.

Jess was waiting exactly where Cece said she would be. She looked small and delicate on the sidewalk as she hugged her pink coat around her and he just wanted to scoop her up and carry her away forever. Nervousness pulsed around his body the closer he got to her, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears as his heart reminded him that something big was about to happen. As his palms began to sweat he ran each one down the thigh of his jeans and tried to control his breathing. He could feel sweat soaking through his green t-shirt at the base of his back.

As he pulled up beside her he saw her eyes widen. Turning off the engine he got out of the car, he was entirely sure why but Jess looked almost fearful to get in so he figured he would meet her half way. Walking round to her side, her eyes followed him in surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too Jess."

She shook her head to herself. "Sorry, it's just I was expecting Cece."

Nick shrugged. "Figured I'd do her a favour, give her a little time alone with Schmidt."

Jess nodded, clearly unnerved by his presence, especially as her fake date would now be under more scrutiny by the one person she didn't want. She stared hard until she heard him open the car door for her.

"So shall we go?"

"Um...yeah sure, thanks Nick." She climbed into his car.

Nick gripped the steering wheel hard as the silence lay thickly between them. He was beginning to regret his eagerness to pick her up. He had no idea what to say to her. His heart was beating wildly but she looked the picture of calm as she sat and stared out of the window. Her face tilted just out of full view as he looked across at her, but he could see just enough in the passing streetlights to be reminded how impossibly beautiful she was. His mouth was suddenly unbearably dry but he had to talk, he had to break the tension between them.

"So how was the date?"

She sighed and shook her head. "It wasn't really... yeah it was fine."

"Are you gonna see him again?"

"Can we not talk about it please Nick?"

"Oh, yeah...are you ok? I mean he didn't...?"

"No. It was fine I'm just not in the mood to talk about it."

Nick frowned at her iciness. "Ok Jess...I was just trying to make conversation."

She turned to him with a sneer. "Oh _now_ you want to talk to me? What about the last few days, you've been completely ignoring me."

"I haven't been ignoring you."

"Please Nick you have said more than ten words to me in the last four days."

"It's not..." He could feel himself starting to panic. "I had reasons ok."

"What reasons? What have I done?"

"You haven't done anything."

"So what's going on?"

They reached the loft just in the nick of time as he pulled up and parked outside. Shutting off the engine he felt her hand close over the back of his, her skin burning through his the way it did when they first started dating. He looked up at her eyes, her big eyes that were imploring him to talk, to connect, but he didn't know how to say it, his mind went blank. Closing her eyes in a moment of reflection she shook her head and began to get out of the car. He quickly scrambled to get out as well and when he did he slammed the door, calling out to her before she had the chance to walk away.

"Ok I have been avoiding you."

Jess stopped in her tracks and closed the car door softly as she turned to face him. As the breeze blew strands of hair across her face she pulled them away to reveal Nick looking like a ghost before her. His broad shoulders lifted and fell as his chest heaved in each breath. His eyes fixed in her, they didn't move, not once.

Pushing up his sleeves Nick walked around to her side of the car. Her face was open and expectant, her eyes tinged with moisture and he was tired, so tired of seeing her look like that because of him. Enough was enough. As he stood a few feet away from her, suddenly everything felt familiar. They had been here before. The waiting car behind her, the open air, the soft, warm breeze, her pleading eyes, their relationship hanging in the balance once again. That night he had jumped in with both feet, he had been brave enough to tell her how he felt and what he wanted. He wanted that feeling back. He wanted to jump again.

"I've been thinking a lot lately, thinking about how to say this to you in a way that won't ruin our friendship."

Jess' heart dropped into her stomach and she gulped hard. He knew.

"Tell me what."

"You mean everything to me Jess, I really don't know what I would do if I didn't have you in my life and the last thing I want to do it is spoil that. Our break up was the hardest thing I've ever had to get through and yet somehow we got through it and I don't want to jeopardise what we have now by bringing up old feelings but I have to because..."

"I'm sorry." She interrupted quietly but loud enough for him to hear and stop. Her face collapsed as she looked down at her feet, her voice small and vulnerable. _How did he know? How could she let this happen?_ She thought to herself as tears began to fall.

"You're sorry?" Nick was confused, he was the one that should be apologising.

Jess looked up at him, her eyes full to the brim with tears now, there was an anger in her face but it seemed to be anger at herself.

"I didn't mean for it to happen Nick. I tried to fight it, I really did but it's just been so hard. But I don't want you to worry I'm not going to jeopardise or spoil anything. Please just forget it ok. I'm working through it, I just need a little more time. I'm not asking you for anything and I'm not expecting anything, I never even intended for you to find out." Jess sniffed and wiped away tears which were replaced by more. "How did you know?"

Nick's head began to spin as his heart battered against his ribs. _Was this real?_ As the reality of her words sunk his feet began to carry him toward her with more certainty than he had ever felt in his life. With each touch of the road under his feet another part of his life slotted back into place, he could feel his heart filling up again. In one swift movement he hooked his arms around her waist and pushed the other deep in her hair bringing her lips to meet his. Pushing her back against the car, he moved his mouth over hers powerfully, claiming every part of her. He felt her lips willingly respond to his and her hands clasp at his hair, until only the need for air could separate them. Dragging his lips softly across her cheek to her ear he smiled and whispered.

"I didn't know."


	13. Reconnecting

Jess felt his breath tickle her earlobe, his cheek rose high against hers as he smiled wider and wider. Her breaths were coming hard and fast and she tried to level it before she passed out. It was only when she regained some composure that she realised how tight she was grasping his t-shirt, her knuckles were beginning to turn white. Unballing her fists she released the material and moved her head back to face him, still in a state of shock at being kissed by someone she'd been in love with for months; years if she was honest. She felt his fingers tighten on her waist and she was glad of his tight grip, she was positive she would fall down right there in the street if he wasn't there to support her.

Her mind was racing, she'd had the evening all planned out. Cece would pick her up, they would go home, she would change into her pyjamas, maybe make a cup of tea, maybe watch a movie and then she would go to bed. Never had she imagined her evening would end like this, in Nick's arms still feeling the sensation of his lips against hers. She had only felt like this once before and he had been responsible for that too. It couldn't possibly mean that he felt the same, it couldn't.

"Nick do you...?"

"I love you..." He interrupted excitedly.

Jess let out a happy sob, a euphoric sound from somewhere deep in her belly that she hadn't heard before. Bringing her hands up to his cheeks, she smiled so wide she thought her face might crack. She absorbed his words as he continued.

"...And unless I misunderstood what you just said, and dear god I hope I didn't, I think you love me too."

She nodded as a few more tears fell. "I do." Her voice faded into a tearful whisper before she kissed him again. Softer and more tender this time. She could feel his lips sliding over hers and the tips of his fingers scrape her hips as his hands disappeared inside her coat. They kissed for what felt like endless minutes as crickets chirped and cars continued to rush behind them. One of them even honking its horn in support of their display which made them break apart and Jess giggle into his collar in embarrassment as he smiled and kissed the crown of her head. Pulling back he looked at her and smoothed the last couple of tears off her cheek with his thumb as she rested her hands lightly on his chest. She could feeling his heart beating wildly against her hand and she imagined hers was doing the same.

"I didn't think this would ever happen." She smiled.

"Neither did I"

"Are we nuts doing this?" She chuckled.

"Yeah, we are." He smiled widely. "But that's why we should be together?"

Jess laughed as she felt his fingers trail down her forearm and thread through hers. Clasping them tight he gently pulled her toward the lobby door. They walked slowly, looking at each other from time to time to check that it was all really happening. Nick shook his head in shock as Jess tried to comprehend the last few moments. There was a pleasant silence between them as they waited for the elevator. They had always been able to do that, to just know when to let the other think. The enormity of what was happening between them needed a moment of quiet reflection.

Nick squeezed her hand every few moments, whether he was letting her know he was still there or he was checking she was still there, she didn't know. But it felt like a squeeze of reassurance, not just about that moment but about everything, everything that was about to come. As they walked into the elevator Jess turned to him and searched his eyes. She wanted to say so much, ask him a million questions but she soon found her lips against his once again. It was gentle and languid as they just enjoyed the feel of one another. Soon it turned into a tight embrace as they rode up the building. She could feel his palm pressed protectively against her back as she buried her face in his shoulder, breathing deep. They could both feel how much they had missed each other, their bodies were screaming it. They had never been apart, they had still been in each other's lives the whole time but in that moment they felt something reconnect, something that had been missing for a long, long time.

As the embrace began to soften she felt his lips press against the skin of her neck. She moved her palms across his shoulder blades as he kissed up and down her neck, his hot tongue making her shiver. The tingling began to spread throughout her entire body, settling in places that made her whimper in pleasure. His body pressed up against her and she raked her hand up through the back of his hair, it felt impossibly good and all still a little unreal.

But there was a voice in her head telling her not to rush it. It was quiet and being drowned out by the delicious sound of Nick's lips against her skin, but it was there nonetheless. As the elevator doors opened a closed a few times, waiting impatiently for them to exit, Jess started to come back to her senses. Resting her hands on his chest she reluctantly pushed him back.

"Nick I feel like we shouldn't rush this. Just for tonight I think we should sleep on it before we...do anything."

His breath was still a little laboured as he looked into her eyes and nodded softly. "Yeah, ok."

"It's not that I don't want to. I do. God I really, really do." She gritted her teeth as she spoke making Nick chuckle. "I just don't wanna screw this up."

"Ok, so we'll start off slow." He thought for a second. "How about I take you on a date tomorrow night?"

She smiled. "A date?"

"Yeah. I'm sure the luxurious coffee shop your date took you to tonight will take some beating but I'm up for the challenge."

"Oh yeah about that..." She bit her lip nervously.

"What? Don't tell me you're seeing him again."

"No" She laughed and stroked his chest affectionately. "Doesn't matter, we can talk about it tomorrow."

Taking her hand again he led her out of the elevator and towards the loft door. They stood outside for a few moments and Nick looked at the door like he was contemplating what was on the other side.

"By the way, Schmidt kinda knows. You know, about my feelings."

"Oh, so do Cece and Aly for that matter. I guess I just needed someone to talk to and ever since the wedding Cece has been so great and..."

Nick looked up, his face suddenly more serious. "The wedding? That's how long you've felt like this?"

"Um well not exactly I..." She sighed. "Yeah since just before the wedding."

Nick hands moved protectively to her face as he took one step closer. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jess shrugged. "You were happy, I didn't' want to spoil that."

"Jess if I had known..."

"You needed to go Nick because everything that's happened over the last few months has gotten you here. You weren't here eight months ago, that's why I couldn't tell you."

Nick shook his head unsure of what to say. Moments passed as he simply looked at her. "I'm sorry I hurt you." He said softly.

Holding his concerned face in her hands she kissed him gently. "I'm ok now, I'm really ok."

She guided him inside and soothed the worry lines out of his face with smiles and kisses until they backed up against her bedroom door. He wanted to take her to bed, he wanted her lying next to him all night so he could just look at her face but it made sense not to rush, no matter how much his body objected. He stole a few more kisses, leaning his head right into her doorway until he couldn't reach her any more. She stroked his face simply and affectionately and leaned forward to kiss his forehead, she let her lips linger there for a few moments.

"Say it again." She whispered.

"I love you Jess."

* * *

Jess tapped the end of her pen repeatedly on her notepad as she stared out of the window. It was the second meeting of the day where she had barely heard a word anyone had said. It wasn't like her to be so distracted at work but her head was somewhere else, somewhere wonderful. She could tell her colleagues were uplifted by her changed demeanour, that had begun to run out of things to say to her when she came into work with a frown and red rings around her eyes. She figured they were just relieved they didn't have to feel guilty anymore about not knowing how to behave around her.

She had seen Nick early that morning before she left for work. She couldn't resist sneaking into his room to kiss him on the forehead. Feeling her warm lips on his skin he had tried to pull her down next to his sleepy body but by some miracle she had resisted. She would have given anything just to curl up next to him but prolonging their intimacy was strangely exhilarating. They had made the right decision to wait, she was under no illusions that she wouldn't be able to wait another one, but just one night to sleep on it and prepare themselves was necessary. If nothing else she needed a couple of hours alone to scream with happiness into her pillow.

Her heart was still pounding in her chest and butterflies tickled her ribs as a muffled voice in the background prattled on about school funding. She was still having a hard time believing that he had kissed her, that he still loved her. She was just beginning to accept it might not happen and then he had come along and turned her world upside down once again in the best possible way. He seemed so confident, so certain and it filled her with a comfort that they were making the right decision to be together again.

God she just wanted to go home and see him.

 _Why couldn't he have kissed her at the weekend?_ She thought to herself and then laughed at the absurdity of it. It was only when she looked up she realised she had laughed out loud. As the bell rang she bolted out of the meeting as fast as her students ran out of class. She wasn't entirely sure the meeting was done but screw it, she was a shoe-in for vice principal anyway.

The loft was empty when she got home. She called out Nick's name eagerly but he wasn't home from the bar yet. Still, it gave her time to get spruced up and have him believe it was totally effortless. It was crazy, Nick had seen her sitting on the couch with zit cream on, cutting her toenails. He'd seen her with her head in a toilet puking her guts up, hell he had even held back her hair, but she still felt the need to look hotter than hell for him. Dumping her laptop and bag on the bed and peeling off her work clothes she headed for the bathroom. She removed almost every hair on her body, she moisturised patches of her skin she was pretty sure she had never even reached before and dowsed herself in vanilla shower gel. It used to be one of Nick's favourite smells on her and it would drive him nuts, it used to make him lick her skin like ice cream. Her stomach flipped at the thought.

Heading back to her room, she began to dry the droplets of water from her skin and then pulled the soft material of her red dress up from her feet and hooked it over her shoulders. Just as the zipper reached the top of her shoulder blades she heard the front door bang. She heard footsteps that stopped outside her room for a few moments before they faded behind the door opposite. Seconds later she heard the loud unmistakable sound of old school reggae coming from his room and she laughed out loud. She knew he would be in there getting ready, probably dancing naked like an idiot. He was teasing her, and she loved it.

Half an hour later she took one last look in the mirror and squeezed her breasts together for good measure. Walking towards the door she paused for a second and bit her lip into her mouth with a smile. The music from his room had stopped and as she opened her door, he opened his and they met face to face in the hallway.

She could feel the pull of Nick's eyes as he dragged them up her body like a moon pulling the tide, leaving goosepimples in its wake. His mouth opened just a little and a single breath escaped. His hands gravitated to her hips, moving up and down ever so slightly, almost making her sway with him. She took in his well fitting jeans and his black shirt that emphasised all the right parts of his body, parts she wanted on top of her right that second. She pushed her hands up over his chest and breathed in deep as her movement stirred his scent. For a few moments they did nothing but touch each other with a mix of passion and reverence, simply because they could. The barrier between them was gone.

She could feel his breath against her lips and as she exhaled he caught it as his mouth grazed against hers. He moved back and forth seductively, taking his time and make a small whimper come from deep in her throat. She could feel him smile against her mouth and she retaliated by pushing her tongue into his mouth and pressing her body hard against his. As blood rushed to every part of her body she knew it was going to be impossible to get through this date.

As a strange sense of luck would have it, two loud voices bundling through the door interrupted their amorous haze. But neither of them were quick enough to react or untangle themselves from one another. Nick rolled his eyes and Jess smiled into Nick's shoulder as they eased their way past a frozen Schmidt and Cece. Schmidt's mouth hung open like a dog and Cece hands flew to her cheeks, holding the smile on to her face. Amidst a few high pitched _'oh my gods'_ and unintelligible squeals Nick held Jess' hand and led her toward the door but not before Jess had the chance to exchange an inaudible scream with Cece once Nick's back was turned. Schmidt couldn't help launching himself at Nick's back to give him a congratulatory hug before he walked out the door.

* * *

The restaurant was dim and intimate, the decor was vintage, as was the whiskey much to Nick's pleasure. They sat tucked away in a small corner surrounded by candles and music. If Nick ever had to describe his definition of perfect this was it. He was with the only woman who could sit across from him looking sexier than hell one minute and have him laughing burning whiskey through his nose the next. He had purposefully picked somewhere in a quiet neighbourhood, he wanted them to enjoy the whole evening without some snooty maitre d' ushering them out of their seats after an hour and a half. It had been almost three years since he'd had a date with Jessica Day and he wanted to enjoy every second of it.

But it felt different this time, he wasn't nervous about not being able to afford the meal, his stomach wasn't doing knots that he might embrasser her, he wasn't waiting for that conversation where she would end it like he had before. He felt good, he felt like he could take care of her, he felt like they were solid. He moved his hand across the table tentatively and smiled when she pushed her hand forward to meet his. His laced his fingers through hers and squeezed her knee which was had fallen in between his.

"I still can't believe this is happening." She shook her head and smiled.

"Neither can I." He played with her fingers gently. "I never thought you'd feel this way again Jess, I never thought you'd still wanna be with me."

"That's all I've wanted for most of the last year."

"What made you change your mind?"

She paused looking down at the table before finding his eyes again. "Honestly?...It was Sam."

"Sam?!"

"Well he brought it to my attention anyway. It was part of the reason we broke up."

"I knew I liked him." Nick smiled jokingly.

"Shut up." She laughed and softly kicked his shin under the table. "What about you? I mean when did things change"

"Well the thing is, I broke up with Reagan, but if I hadn't she was still going to break up with me anyway. She seemed to think I was still in love with you and it turns out she was right."

"You mean it was my fault that..."

He leaned forward and took her other hand too. "No, no. Reagan I weren't working. It was fun but looking back it always felt ...temporary, like I was waiting for something else. I was always waiting for the day when things would go back to normal. Back to the way they should be and _you_ are how it should be. You're the person in the armchair sitting next to me when I'm grey and wrinkly and peeing myself every five minutes." Jess scrunched up her nose and laughed. "I tried to tell myself she didn't have a face anymore, that old lady next to me, but she does, she always did."

Jess' chest heaved suddenly as she choked back a tear. She squeezed his hand so tight it made him laugh and wriggle it free, shaking out the pain jokingly, but she needed him to know she felt the same. She needed him to feel it.

"We're gonna make this work Nick."

He lifted her hand and kissed her palm. "I know we are." He kissed her hand again , longer this time, and it made her eyes open and close slowly.

"Nick." She whispered.

He lifted his head. "Yeah?"

"Let's get out of here."

With boxed up desserts, electrified bodies and a few stares of disdain from the cab driver they headed back to the loft.

* * *

Jess fumbled in her bag and found her keys. As soon as she turned to put them in the lock she felt Nick's hand on her body and his lips on her neck. When the door finally opened, in spite of her spectacular lack of coordination, the practically fell through and Nick immediately had her up against the wall in the hallway. His hands were everywhere, it was impossible, but they were everywhere at once and it felt incredible.

He pressed his whole body hard against her sending their blueberry cheesecake sailing to the floor. With her free hand she pulled at the buttons of his shirt, gritting her teeth in exasperation when they didn't relent fast enough. She tugged the bottom of his shirt forcefully out of his jeans and broke the last button in sheer impatience which made him laugh and bite down on her bottom lip. Running her hands flat over his chest she enjoyed the feeling of the soft hairs under palms and she began to kiss along the path that her hands left, making his head roll back on his shoulders and his grip on her hair tighten.

Kicking of their shoes they fumbled for the nearest bedroom which happened to be his. The air was filled with with their heavy breaths and the sound of their bodies finding each other again. Nick kicked the door shut behind him, he half expected to hear Schmidt's voice yelling at him for making noise, but he immediately pushed that thought out of his head. Or rather Jess did as she kissed down his neck, pushing his shirt off his shoulders to the floor.

Grabbing her hips he spun her round, forcing a breath out of her as her back pressed suddenly against his chest. Pushing her hair to one side his kissed and licked up and down her neck until he could feel her writing underneath his hands. In one deft motion he pulled down the zipper on her dress pushed it down letting it pool at her feet. He unhooked the back of her bra and she straightened her arms to let it inch it's way down and fall to the floor to join her dress. Taking a moment to run his hands over the soft skin of her stomach he slowly worked his way up to her breasts, squeezing gently. Apparently that was her trigger point and she moaned and moved her hand behind her back and between his legs, running over the top of his jeans and stirring an animalistic noise from his throat which vibrated against her skin.

In retaliation he pushed a hand into her underwear and began to tease her slowly, touching her where she wanted and then moving away until she was squirming so much he couldn't tell if she was trying to get closer or run away. Leaning her head back against his shoulder she ran her hand through her hair and treated him to a view of her body as he peered down over her shoulder.

Before he had the chance to take her over the edge she rested her hand over the back of his and stilled it. Turning in his arms she tried to find his lips again. When she had suitably distracted him with her mouth she tugged at his belt, another tasks made much harder with shaking hands. She didn't wait to push his jeans down, instead she sunk her hand down inside them to find him more than ready for her. She remembered the right pressure and speed like it was yesterday. Running her tongue up his neck she watched as his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth hung open almost in pain. With a guttural grunt he gritted his teeth and grabbed her hand to stop her, he wanted this to last.

Taking a step back he eased his jeans down his legs as Jess took the time to lay herself on his bed, giggling as he stumbled trying to remove his socks. There was never a sexy way to do that part. As the last piece of clothing hit the ground she sat up and tugged his hand hard pulling him on top of her. The feel of his naked body against hers again was overwhelming. There was electricity pulsing under her skin, that feeling of almost wanting to push him away because it felt too damn good.

She raked her fingers through his hair as his lips began to move down her body. Her hips trembled as he kissed down her stomach, taking his time, teasing her. Hooking his fingers in the waistband of her underwear he pulled them down in one swift movement and threw them to the floor. She felt the cool air hit her as he pushed her legs apart and disappeared between them.

She didn't know if the loft was empty or if the other guys were home but nothing and nobody could stop the noises that were coming out of her mouth. Sometimes she shocked herself at how loud she was. He knew what he was doing with her tonight, he had been thinking about it, he had been planning it she was sure. He was going to push her to the edge as many times as he could but he wasn't going to let her fall, not yet, not until he was there with her.

In one graceful movement his mouth left her and he moved up, cocooning her body with his and pushing inside. It started slow, painfully slow, she could feel every last inch of him. Then it quickened. Sweat started to form on his back and it slid under her palms. Their breaths were heavier and whimpers louder, the veins in his arms bulged as he held himself over her and her hips strained to meet him with every pulse until she opened her mouth in a silent scream and her fingers dug into his shoulders. He locked his eyes on her face to watch her come undone and it made him quicken until he growled and drop his heavy, sweaty, warm body on top of her. It felt amazing.

"Oooooh my god." He laughed into her shoulder, his voice muffled. "I forgot how good we are at that."

She giggled and ran her hand up is damp neck and into his hair, kissing his temple. "We're the best."

* * *

 **Five months later**

There was a strange mood in the loft, things were happy and sombre in equal measure. Nick had been particularly quiet and Jess couldn't stop snivelling. Even Winston had tried hard not to shed a tear as he was comforted every few minutes by a more calm and collected Aly. The kitchen suddenly seemed barren now that all Schmidt's stuff had been removed from it, man they really needed to go shopping. He'd left one or two utensils as a token gesture but Jess knew it was because they were broken. Cece hadn't been living in the loft that long, she was used to living in her own space with more peace and quiet than the loft offered so she was holding it together well. She had made it her mission to ensure Schmidt didn't have a break down at being separated from Nick.

When it became apparent that everything had been packed into the truck they all paused in the living room, taking stock of their newfound situation. Jess offered Nick a gentle squeeze of the hand. She knew this was hard for him and Schmidt, a lot had changed over the last year. A lot of it exciting, some of it overwhelming. Jess choked back her emotion as she watched the two friends embrace with a sincerity she had never seen before. No jokes, no jibes, just something Schmidt liked to call pure unadulterated friendship.

As Winston and Aly followed Schmidt and Cece down to the truck, Nick reached behind him for Jess' hand which was always there. They weren't just saying goodbye to Schmidt and Cece, they were saying goodbye to the loft as they knew it, that era was over and they were all moving on to the next one. Something which Nick and Jess had put a lot of thought into over the last couple of months. Jess tugged Nick's hand and pulled him into an embrace, stroking her hand down his face warmly.

"Are you ok? I know this is hard."

"I'm ok, it's just weird. I mean we loved together for so long."

She linked her hands around the back of his neck. "I know." She kissed his nose. "I promise I'll be the best roommate so you don't miss him so much."

Nick smiled and pecked her lips. "Come on, we should probably get downstairs. Winston it gonna need people to hug when that truck pulls away."

"Yeah, now might not be the best time to tell about our apartment."

"Hmmm maybe tomorrow."

Jess giggled and laced her hand through his as they headed down to say goodbye to their old life and make room for their new one.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading guys and for taking the time to make all the lovely comments and favourites. You don't know how appreciated it is. Enjoy season six xx**


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